


Three Years Down The Road

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, First Time, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Season/Series 03, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-15
Updated: 2010-06-13
Packaged: 2018-09-06 07:46:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8740960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Takes place immediately after “No rest for the wicked.” Dean survived but is badly injured and severely depressed. Sam doesn’t know how to help him. Meanwhile a new and deadly threat is closing in on the Winchester-brothers. This is a sequel to “Pandemonia,” and “Wincest.” Part 3 and final part of the missing episodes of season 3-series.





	1. Chapter 1  A Living Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** This is an alternate direction and ending of the show. It takes place immediately after "No rest for the wicked." This story contains spoilers for most episodes season 1-3 as well as episode "In the beginning" (season 4) because I have used the same storyline of Mary Winchester. In some flashbacks-scenes I have used the dialogue from the show. Eric Kripke and John Shiban should be credited for that. A special thanks to my wonderful beta GeekHunter

It was dark. Somehow he was still alive after enduring the most terrible pain he could ever imagine. Or was he? He remembered trying to protect himself from the attack of the hellhound. He remembered how his body was torn to shreds. He remembered all the blood, being in so much pain that he wished he would die. Apparently he had. At least the pain was gone. 

 

He opened his eyes. He was surrounded by darkness. He started to realize where he was. He was stuck in some kind of net. He knew that he had to get loose, but he couldn’t. He felt the panic rise within him. 

 

He heard screaming. Dark shades seemed to be closing in on him. He started to scream in pure agony for the only person that could help him, for the only person he loved. But it was too late. He knew it. He was forever lost. He’d never see his brother again. 

 

He started to cry when he realized that, and he screamed at the top of his lungs. He cried out his brother’s name. But then the scenery changed.

 

Dean woke up in a bed. His whole body ached. He had trouble breathing, and gasped for air. This whole situation felt very familiar. He had been through this before, and it didn’t take long for him to realize that he was in a hospital. 

 

The pain was not as severe as he had felt before. His body felt numb, restrained by all the tubes and IVs that were connected to his damaged body. He tried to yell his brother’s name, but it was almost impossible.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

“My God! He's awake. Bobby! Go and get the doctor!” Sam said. Bobby ran for the doctor, while Sam hurried to the bed, trying to calm his terrified brother, who was trying to yell his name. Sam could see the panic on Dean’s face.

 

“Calm down. It's all right. You're safe now. You're safe here. I won’t let anything hurt you”

 

But somehow that didn’t calm Dean. He was terrified and tried to scream even though his voice was barely audible. “Safe? Here? No, no… no. Please! I don’t want to! Please don’t send me back. Nooo! Sam no! I don’t want to! Can’t! Please don’t send me back!”

 

“It is all right, Dean. You're disoriented from the drugs. You're safe here. You won’t go back to hell. No one's gonna send you back. I promise.”

 

But that seemed to frighten Dean even more. He started to shake, having some kind of seizure, and he screamed. Sam was terrified. His joy at seeing his brother wake up was now changed to complete fear. Fear for Dean’s life. Fear that he would lose Dean anyway. In just a few seconds Sam saw his life flashing by him. The miserable and painful life he was fated to lead if Dean was taken away from him. 

 

He remembered very clearly how he'd gotten stuck in that time loop. The same day over and over again, always ending the same way, with Dean’s death. He’d watched Dean die over and over again, but he never got used to it. The pain was just as overwhelming every single time. He remembered those six miserable months after Dean died, and the person he became. He couldn’t let this happen.

 

“Help. We need help in here!” he yelled, while Dean kept shaking and screaming. The doctor came running with Bobby and injected something in Dean’s IV. Seconds later, Dean seemed to relax and fall into a deep sleep.

 

“He’ll rest now for a while,” the doctor said.

 

“But he’ll wake up again, right? He’s going to be all right?” Sam asked with panic in his voice as he fought off the tears.

 

“I need to talk to you. You’d better come with me,” the doctor said. He took Sam to an empty examination room, pulled out a chair, and urged Sam to sit down. 

 

The lives he and Dean had led, they’d figured that it would just be a matter of time until one of them – or maybe both – needed serious medical attention. He had arranged health insurance in their own names, although it had been paid through credit card scams as always.

 

Dr. Eric Gamble was an experienced doctor in his mid-forties. He had black hair that was rapidly getting thinner, and a friendly face, a face that was now expressing a deep concern for the Winchester brothers. 

 

He’d met all kinds of people in his profession, and he had seen and experienced a lot, but there was something very special about the Winchester brothers, something intriguing. He could see the fear in the younger Winchester’s face and found himself at a loss for words. He sighed and gave it a try.

 

“Mr. Winchester… about Dean’s injuries… It's a miracle that he’s alive. Those deep slashes should have killed him. The surgery was successful, as you know. He has lost a lot of blood, but he is getting a transfusion right now. It… it’s a miracle that he woke up at all. He’s fighting very hard. But there is still a risk that…”

 

“A risk that Dean might die…” Sam said gently, feeling the tears in his eyes. 

 

“If we can keep the wounds from getting infected there is a good chance he’ll pull through, but the next 24 hours will be crucial. However, even if he survives, he'll have a hard time… because his legs are… damaged.”

 

“How damaged?”

 

“Several nerves have been severed. I’m afraid that his legs might be paralyzed. It's still too early to say if the damage will be permanent.”

 

Oh God please no, Sam thought.

 

“There’s another thing that’s worrying me,” Dr. Gamble said. “Have you seen his body?”

 

Now, there was a different kind of fear on Sam’s face. He knew what the doctor was getting at. How could he explain all the injuries Dean had sustained during the years?

 

“I mean who is this guy?” the doctor asked. “There are old scars all over his body, not to mention a burn mark and scars from at least two bullet wounds. One of them is quite recent.”

 

Sam tried to think quickly. He knew every inch of Dean’s body after being together 24/7 for three years. He also remembered very clearly the incidents that lead to the scars the doctor was referring to. 

 

Not to mention his own guilt for shooting Dean in the shoulder when “Meg” possessed him. He remembered how helpless he’d felt while “Meg” was in control of his body, as he watched her hurting Dean, and as she murdered another hunter without being able to react. 

 

That was one of the darkest times of his life. He also remembered how that crazy family had tortured and burned Dean while Sam was sitting locked in a cage, and now, most recently, how FBI Deputy Director Steven Groves, possessed by a demon, had shot Dean in that jail. Sam had had his own share of pain, but it was killing him inside when he thought of how much Dean had suffered. 

 

Still, what was he supposed to say to the doctor? Dean likes kinky sex with a lot of BDSM? No. That wouldn’t be believable.

 

“He was a prisoner of war in Iraq.” That will do, Sam thought. 

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Lawrence, Kansas

 

It was dark. A young couple stood outside an apartment building, kissing. They were in their twenties and seemed to be very much in love. The girl said: “I had a wonderful time tonight, even though you spilled wine on my best dress.”

 

The man asked, “Does it matter, when all I wanted this entire evening was to take it off?” 

 

The girl replied, “Hey there, Stanley. All in good time! If you're not careful, you're going to get a speeding ticket.”

 

“Hey, I’m a guy, you know. And I happen to be crazy about you.”

 

“Or just crazy,” the girl giggled.

 

“Are we still on for the weekend? You know. You and me, alone, the woods, my parents’ cabin.”

 

“Definitely. I can’t wait.”

 

“I'll pick you up tomorrow evening at 7,” Stanley said.

 

“Can’t wait. Have a safe walk home.”

 

“It is just a couple of blocks, Andrea! Don’t worry!”

 

“Yes, but I miss you already. Good night,” she said.

 

Stanley kissed her goodnight and started to walk. Andrea watched him with an expression of longing on her face before she went up to her apartment.

 

When Stanley had walked a block, he heard something in the bushes. He was startled, but thought nothing of it. But then a woman with thick black hair appeared behind him. 

 

He turned around and saw that the woman held a gun, and she was pointing it at him. The gun went off and a tranquilizer dart hit him in the chest. He felt a sharp sting before everything went black.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Sam was sitting by Dean’s bed in the hospital. He was listening to Dean’s breath and the beeping of a machine. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there. It could have been three hours or it could have been the whole night, in fact it probably had been. When he looked out through the window, he could see that the first beams of the morning sun had reached the horizon. 

 

But he turned his attention back into the room, to right now, to the moment, because Dean was his entire world. He was the brother who, a year ago, had made a deal so Sam could live. 

 

But at what price? How was Sam supposed to tell him that he might never walk again? And that he would never again drive his beloved car.

 

Dean’s eyelids were fluttering. He was about to wake up. Sam took his hand gently as Dean opened his eyes.

 

“Dean. Hi! It’s all right, I’m here.”

 

Dean looked at him. He seemed much calmer this time.

 

“Sammy!” Dean said. His voice was weak, but he managed to smile a little.

 

“I'm here, and you're safe. You're in the hospital.”

 

“Yeah, I figured.”

 

“Are you in any pain? Should I get the doctor?”

 

“No! Please stay. I can't feel very much at all, actually.”

 

“It's the drugs. Oh God, I'm so glad you're alive, that you're awake! I thought I'd lost you!”

 

“Well,” Dean said. “I thought I'd lost me too.” Then he drifted off again. 

 

Dr. Gamble came in. He urged Sam to step out while he examined Dean, so Sam called Bobby at the motel. When the doctor came out of the room Sam asked, “How is he?”

 

“Good news. The worst part is over. The wounds are healing. He'll survive.”

 

“But, what about his legs?”

 

“No change for now. He won’t be able to move them, just as I expected. Anyway, he's about to wake up. He should be fully awake in a few hours.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Stanley Morris was slowly waking up. He found himself in a dark room, lit only with the candlelight from the black candles planted around. His chest was bare, and he was gagged and tied up. 

 

The room was creepy. His first thought was that he was dreaming, the kind of dream one has during a high fever. It doesn’t take him long to realize that he wasn’t alone.

 

There was a group of people in the room, and both men and women in the group were dressed in strange black robes with golden symbols. They also had strange symbols on their faces. Everybody in the room was turned towards one woman with long black hair. Stanley was hearing her speak.

 

“Dear brothers and sisters, we’re living through dark times. Our great mother’s enemies have eluded her. Her enemies are our enemies. She is angry. The Winchester brothers are a bigger threat to her, to us, than she realized. Sam Winchester especially. He was supposed to join us. Be one of us. Our new leader. Guiding us to the rebirth of the world. A better world, where we would reign. We never considered his brother Dean a threat, but we obviously underestimated their bond. He led Sam on another path, away from us. Our great mother knew that Dean would be a threat to Sam’s destiny with us, but she had a contract on Dean’s life – a foolproof contract. Dean should have been dead by now, but Mother was unsuccessful. Now she’s angry and weakened. She wants to visit us to give us further instructions. But for that she needs a sacrifice. Pray with me, brothers and sisters.” 

 

The whole group was moving closer to Stanley, and he could hear his heart pounding with fear. The group began to mumble strange words, and Stanley thought that maybe they were chanting in Latin. They passed a bowl around the circle, and everybody drank from it. 

 

Then the dark haired woman took a large knife, and Stanley knew he was about to die. All he could think about was how lucky he had been finding someone like Andrea. He'd been looking forward to their weekend in the country, and to making love with her for the first time. 

 

Now his life was about to end. He couldn’t believe that his life would end this way. The dark haired woman pointed the knife to a girl with red hair.

 

“Adriana. It’s your turn.” 

 

The girl took the knife, and moved closer to Stanley. He felt a sharp pain in his chest, and the gag choked his screams. Why didn’t she just kill him? 

 

She carved something in his chest, and it hurt so much he wished she would finish him off. His wish was granted a moment later when the girl cut his throat.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Dean was fully awake. Sam had dozed off in a chair in Dean’s room. He yawned, and noticed that Dean was awake. Sam smiled at his brother.

 

“How’re you feeling?” Sam asked.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Just fine? Is that all you have to say?”

 

“I’m just tired,” Dean said. “But what about you? Are you all right? Sam, what happened in that house? I don’t remember much. I remember the hellhound. I remember the pain, the blood, and then everything went black. Tell me Sam. Why am I alive? Why am I here in this hospital bed? How did you survive Lilith?”

 

“Don’t worry, Dean. I’m all right. And you will be too. I thought that you died in there. I expected that Lilith would kill me, but something happened. She looked at me with fear. I tried to kill her with Ruby’s knife, and then she let go of Ruby’s body and disappeared in a cloud of black smoke, you know.”

 

“So Lilith’s still out there?”

 

“Somewhere. But don’t worry. We’ve still got Ruby’s knife, and the hex bags will disorient them. Bobby and me, we’ll protect you as long as you are in here. You’ll be safe.”

 

“Safe? Dean said. “There is no safety. You should know that by now. And especially not in here. This is a hospital, for crying out loud. People are dying in hospitals.”

 

“What?” Sam looked confused.

 

“Hospitals are the most dangerous places there are. More people die in hospitals than anywhere else.”

 

“Well of course they do, obviously. Dean! Try to relax, dude! You just woke up. You are still weak, and by trying to be logical you are just confusing things. God knows, you are confusing me.”

 

“You know how much I hate hospitals. I’ve been laid up too many times. I remember dying in a hospital twice before now.”

 

“Yeah, but you’ll be alright,” Sam assured him.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean said quietly.

 

Sam looked shocked. “Doesn’t matter? How can you say that? The only thing that matters is that you are alive.”

 

“Does it?”

 

“Yeah!” Sam got tears in his eyes. Dean had only just awakened, and just then Sam was overjoyed to see his brother awake, talking to him. 

 

Recently Sam had survived Lilith’s attempt to kill them both. He remembered how he’d cried over Dean’s dead body. He’d thought Dean was forever gone. Lying dead on the floor, bleeding. He'd hugged his brother. Never wanted to let go. 

 

He'd thought that the grief might kill him too. He just wanted to die. Then he'd felt a pulse - a very, very weak one. He'd yelled for Bobby and started CPR, determined never to stop as long as he was alive. It had been Bobby that called the ambulance. 

 

The paramedics did their job. Dean had survived the transport to the hospital in Evansville. Now, finally, he was awake, and he seemed lucid. 

 

The Dean Sam knew couldn’t wait to get out in the battle again, but something was different now. Dean didn’t seem to appreciate that he was alive. Where was the spark that had always burned?

 

“Tell me something Sam. Why am I alive? How could I survive that hellhound?”

 

“I don’t know, Dean. I honestly don’t know”. 

 

“By the way,” Dean said. “What did you tell them caused my injuries?”

 

“A big stray dog.”

 

“Come on, Sam! Couldn’t you be a little more creative than that?”

 

“Sorry, but you were about to die. I had to think quickly.”

 

“A stray dog huh? What did you say to the police about the family in the house? We need to get our stories straight.”

 

“I said that we'd heard screaming, and that we found this crazy dog. I managed to get away from it, but you didn’t. The mother and the daughter seemed to be so traumatized that they haven’t been able to give any statements to the police. The father didn’t say much. I guess he was afraid that they would believe that he was crazy.”

 

“I guess we have come up with some crazy stories about our injuries in the past.”

 

“Yeah,” Sam said. “Do you remember the Daevas that slashed our faces pretty bad? We went to the emergency room then, too. What was that story we came up with?”

 

“Bear attack!” Dean said, smirking. “I remember it well. The wounds healed pretty quickly, though. All we needed was a few stitches.”

 

Dr. Gamble entered the room. “I’m glad to see that you're awake. You’ve had a surgery and we managed to stop the internal bleeding. We've tended to your wounds, and they seem to be healing. You needed a lot of stitches. Those slashes on your chest were pretty deep. How are you feeling?”

 

“As a matter of fact I can't feel very much at all.”

 

“You've been given painkillers, but if the pain should increase then let us know. There’s one more thing though.”

 

“It’s about my legs, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes, I was expecting that you wouldn’t be able to move your legs. Some nerves were severed during that animal attack. I hate to tell you this, but you might never walk again.”

 

Sam saw the look on Dean’s face. Dean was trying to keep the façade as always, not showing any weakness. Sam knew how devastated he must be feeling, but all he said was, “Thanks, doctor.”

 

“Just push the button to alert the nurses if you need anything.” 

 

Dr. Gamble left the room. Sam looked at his brother with deep compassion.

 

“I'm so sorry, Dean. But I'll take care of you; I promise.”

 

“Why?”

 

“What do you mean, why?” Sam asked.

 

“I shouldn’t be here. I should have died. Then I guess both of us would be better off.”

 

“How can you say that?”

 

“Because of this. Lying up here in this hospital. Never be able to walk again. Never be any good. Not useful for anything. Sitting trapped in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, I will never be able to drive again, and most important of all, I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

 

“You’re not.”

 

“Maybe not today, but someday I will be. I don’t know what happened, why I’m alive, but I would be better off dead.”

 

“Dean, please don’t say that. You're my brother. I thought I'd lost you forever until I felt a weak pulse. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. I couldn’t let you die.”

 

“Well, you should have. Nothing good will ever come out of this. I'm going to be stuck in this damaged body forever. I wish I was dead.”

 

“Dean! You were going to hell. I saved you from hell and eternal suffering. All that matters is that you’re alive, and we’ll take one step ahead, one day at a time.”

 

“There won’t be any, *one step ahead, one day at a time* with these legs. I am suffering here as well, so I might just as well be in hell. I don’t think there's much difference. Leave me now. I'm tired. I need to sleep.”

 

Later that afternoon Bobby came to visit Dean. The nurses hadn’t let him in earlier because he wasn't immediate family. Sam thought that was stupid. Bobby had been like a father to him and Dean since John had passed away. In fact he'd been more of a father than John ever was. At least to Sam.

 

Dean had seemed a little happier when Bobby was there, and Sam was able to get some rest when he knew Bobby was there, protecting Dean.

 

Later a young nurse came into Dean’s room to check his vital signs. She was a pretty girl with dark hair to her shoulders and a smiling face. She had a nametag that said she was called Erica Adler. Bobby stepped out to Sam in the corridor.

 

“Bobby, we've got to find a way to protect Dean. He's lying in that bed unable to walk. He's completely unprotected. Lilith and her demons are still out there, and that means Dean's an easy target for their next attack.”

 

“Sam. This is a hospital. I'm not sure what we can do. We can't draw a devil’s trap on Dean’s sheets.”

 

“At least we can salt the doorway and the windows,” Sam said.

 

“They'd never allow it. What we can do is keep Ruby’s knife away from hospital security. We can take turns guarding Dean. They won’t allow me in here unless it's visiting hours, but I can stay here then, and you can get some rest. The rest of the time you'll have to stay in his room.”

 

**********************************************************

 

 

 

Stanley Morris's dead body lay on the floor. The girl who had cut his throat stood by the black altar, holding a bowl that contained Stanley’s blood in her right hand. 

 

She touched the blood with her left hand and placed the bowl on the altar. The whole group began chanting. Adriana, who had remained standing by the altar, seemed more and more nervous. The wind started to blow. The flames from the black candles went out, and the room was filled with black smoke. 

 

Adriana was hyperventilating as the black smoke disappeared into her mouth. She screamed, and then turned around to face the group. Her eyes had turned white.

 

Their leader, the dark haired woman, stepped forward. 

 

“Dear mother Lilith. We are honored by your presence.”

 

“Our greatest enemies are the Winchester brothers. They should both be dead by now,” Lilith said.

 

“What about Sam Winchester? I thought he could be turned? Become one of us?” asked the dark haired woman.

 

“It's too late for that. He's a great danger to us, but he has a weak spot. His brother Dean. Dean is wounded. They are both vulnerable right now, and if we take out Dean, it’ll be much easier to get to Sam. They're unprotected, and now is the time to attack.”

 

“Will you leave it to us? We have access to places that demons don’t,” the dark haired woman asked.

 

“I don’t want to expose any of you yet. I have someone in mind that will be perfect for the job.”

 

Then Adriana screamed and vomited the black smoke. When Lilith was gone Adriana fell to the floor, gasping for air. Then she rose to her feet, a big smile spreading on her face.

 

“That was awesome! Having mother superior as a guest in my body like that. I've never felt so close to her, so dedicated. We're working with amazing powers. The world will be ours. I think perhaps that wasn’t really clear to me before.”

 

The dark haired woman spoke. “I am so proud of you, dear sister. Consider this experience a rebirth and take this ring as christening gift.” 

 

The dark haired woman took Adriana’s hand and placed a golden ring on her finger.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Bobby went back to the motel, leaving Sam sitting in a chair in Dean’s room while his brother slept. The pretty nurse from before came in to change his IV bag.

 

“I'll be really fast. Will you stay here with Dean tonight as well?” the nurse asked.

 

“Yes. I’m his brother, Sam.”

 

“You seem to care a lot about him. He's very lucky to have you. I'm Nurse Adler, by the way, but you can call me Erica. You know, the hospital is very capable of taking care of him. You don’t have to stay with him every minute.”

 

“I need to protect him.”

 

“Protect him from what?”

 

“Um….I just do. He seems so depressed. I don’t know what to do.”

 

Nurse Adler sat down beside Sam. “Look. I know how you must feel. I understand your concern. You feel that he is throwing up walls, isolating himself from you, and you can’t reach him.”

 

“How did you know?”

 

She took Sam’s hand in hers and touched him gently. “I have seen this before. Depression is very common among people who've been close to death. Did he have a near death experience?”

 

“He refuses to talk about it.”

 

“I am sure he'll open up to you eventually. Sorry, but duty calls. Just let me know if the two of you need anything. If you're going to stay in his room tonight, you might like an extra bed so you can sleep too”.

 

“That would be awesome.”

 

“I'll take care of it. Try not to worry.” 

 

Later that evening, Sam went out to get a bag of salt. He'd salted the windows and the doorway to Dean's room very thoroughly by the time Nurse Adler came in with a blanket for Sam’s bed.

 

“What is this?”

 

“Um…it's salt actually.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Well you know. Between you and me, Dean is a bit superstitious. He thinks that it brings him good luck.” Sam tried his famous puppy dog look and a smile, but Nurse Adler looked at him like he was crazy.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes,” Sam tried to reassure her.

 

“Your brother must be a bit…eccentric.”

 

“Exactly. That's exactly what I always used to say. You should see his other habits. Once he…” Sam laughed nervously, but Nurse Adler didn’t seem amused. She was still looking at him as if he – or maybe Dean – was crazy. “Never mind,” Sam said.

 

“Look. This is a hospital room. It's supposed to be a sterile environment. A cleaner will take care of this.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Sam had slept all night in the extra bed in Dean’s room, with Ruby’s knife under the pillow. Dean was still asleep as Sam got dressed and went out to get a cup of coffee and some breakfast.

 

His brother didn't wake up until Nurse Adler entered the room. 

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“A bit sore,” Dean said with a sleepy voice. “I can feel those slashes.”

 

“The painkillers have worn off, but your wounds are healing just fine. You don’t need such strong stuff anymore. Here! Take this pill; it will help with the pain.”

 

“Thanks,” Dean said, swallowing the pill. 

 

“You should be strong enough to manage some food now. I'll come back with some breakfast for you.”

 

“Yeah I think I could eat something.” Dean was already in a better mood, and the thought of food had a lot to do with that.

 

“I'm going to take out your IV. Don’t worry. You won’t feel a thing.”

 

Dean threw a look across the room and noticed the other empty bed. “Where did Sam go?”

 

“Having breakfast, I think. He slept here all last night. He cares about you so much; I think he’s really something special.”

 

Dean could see how she shone when she mentioned Sam. She obviously had a crush on his brother.

 

“There! The IV is out,” Nurse Adler said and started to check Dean’s blood pressure. “I'm almost finished with you for now. I'm just going to take your temperature.” Dean opened his mouth. “Actually,” Nurse Adler said. “I'm supposed to put the thermometer in…”

 

“God, yes!” Dean said with great enthusiasm. 

 

“It's not the same as sex, you know!” Nurse Adler giggled.

 

“Let me be the judge of that,” Dean said with a flirtatious smile, but he gasped a moment later when she inserted the thermometer.

 

“Your brother Sam.” Nurse Adler said. “Does he have a girlfriend?”

 

“No,” Dean said. “We've been traveling a lot.”

 

“It's amazing to see the way he cares about you.”

 

“Yeah. He can be such a dork sometimes”

 

She didn’t seem to hear him. She seemed to be in another world, where no one but Sam existed. “And that amazing smile of his. Those eyes, his strong hands, and that cute little butt.”

 

“Would you please not talk about my brother’s butt, while I've got a thermometer stuck in my ass?”

 

“Oh sorry!” Nurse Adler said. She seemed to have woken up from her Sam Winchester induced daydream.

 

The thermometer caused Dean’s sphincter to contract over and over, and the bulb pressed against his prostate. It felt good. Too good actually. He was getting hard, although the main reason for his current state of arousal was because of something else.

 

“You know,” Dean said. “I actually had a dream once, where I was in a relationship with a nurse named Carmen. Actually it was more than a dream.”

 

“What?”

 

“Kind of hard to explain. Never mind.”

 

Dean tried to hide his erection when Nurse Adler removed the thermometer.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Later, when Sam returned to Dean’s room, his brother had just finished breakfast.

 

“What took you so long?” Dean asked without looking at Sam.

 

“I went back to the motel to get some clean clothes and had a shower. I thought that Erica was taking care of you in the meantime.”

 

“Erica?” Dean looked up. “You mean Nurse Adler? So it is *Erica* now huh?”

 

“What are you saying?” Sam looked surprised. “She seems to be a sweet person, very trustworthy and very capable of taking care of you. That’s all.”

 

“Sweet, huh? You sweet on her or something?”

 

“Of course not,” Sam said.

 

“Well. You should be. Like you said, she’s a sweet girl. You should be with a girl like that. You should settle down with a girl just like that. Lead a normal life. Isn’t that what you always wanted? Wasn’t that why you left Dad and me in the first place? The hunting is over. The war is over - at least as far as I am concerned, thanks to these damn legs. Now you have your big chance. You can become a lawyer. Have 2.5 children. A lovely wife named *Erica,* and a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence. It's clear that she wants you. Go! Leave me behind! Lead a normal life! Forget that you ever knew me! There are others that can take care of me for the rest of my miserable crippled life. Go! What are you waiting for? She's an attractive girl, right? Isn’t she the girl you always dreamed about?”

 

“That’s not true,” Sam said, looking very upset.

 

“Which part isn't true? It was a quite long speech I made just now.”

 

“For the first. Yes. Erica is a very attractive girl. Yes. I always wanted a normal life. But normal isn't working for me anymore. Too many things have happened. I gave it my best shot when I left you and Dad and settled down with Jess, but it was never meant to be.”

 

“It's all my fault, dragging you all over the country looking for Dad. If it wasn’t for me, you'd still have that normal life.”

 

“Dean, try to get it through that thick skull of yours. It was NOT your fault. The only one who can be blamed for destroying that life and killing Jess was the yellow-eyed demon. What kept me sane all these months after that was you. I don’t know what I'd have done without you. You were my salvation. You still are. The only thing that matters right now is you. I will never desert you. And for the record, I'm not *sweet* on Erica, and I'm not attracted to her.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I’m just not.”

 

“Whatever, dude,” Dean said.

 

“By the way, the doctor said that you're doing alright. You can be released soon.”

 

“Whoopee!” Dean said with complete lack of enthusiasm. “I'm so looking forward to my new life in a wheelchair.”

 

Sam knew that there was no use answering that remark. It would only start a conversation that would lead around in circles. Sam folded out the newspaper he'd bought on his way from the motel.

 

“I brought a newspaper. Maybe it will help you think of something else.”

 

Dean answered that sentence with a glare. Sam knew what he was thinking. He began to go through the paper, desperately trying to find an article that would make Dean to think of something else. It wasn't long before he found one.

 

“I don’t believe it,” Sam said, starting to read aloud to Dean. 

 

“The mutilated body of 24-year-old Stanley Morris has been found in an alley. Morris had been missing for the last few days, and his body had strange markings on it. The police suspect suicide, and see no similarity to other suspected murders elsewhere. The police have now closed the case, according to Andrea Boyer, the dead man's girlfriend.”

 

Sam looked at Dean who didn’t show any change of expression.

 

Sam continued, “She says here that the markings on Stanley’s body indicate some kind of ritual murder. You know, it's ludicrous to believe that this was suicide. Don’t you think that this is a case for us?” 

 

“Whatever,” Dean said.

 

“You haven’t heard the worst of it yet. The dead body of Stanley Morris was found in Lawrence. This is huge. It has to be. What's the betting that Lilith and her demons are involved? I can feel it in my bones. We should try to find out more. What do you say?”

 

“What do you want me to say?”

 

“I want you to say that you are dying with curiosity. That you want this case and want to get out in the game again.”

 

“In case you haven’t noticed, Sam, I can’t move my legs. What good am I to anyone?”

 

"Dude, legs or no legs, you can still be useful, you and all your expertise. You could do research, gather information for hunters all over the world.”

 

“That's your dream, college boy. That's your idea of being useful. Not mine.”

 

“I need you, Dean.”

 

“I wish I could believe that. I really do. Go away now. I am tired”.

 

This was not the way Sam had expected it to go. Somehow it didn’t seem to matter what he said. He'd heard this talk before, the few times Dean actually opened up, and one thing that he had never understood was where Dean got his low self-esteem from. Sam grabbed the newspaper and lay down on the bed opposite Dean’s. Maybe his brother didn’t want to talk to him, but he would sure as hell not let Dean out of his sight.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

3.05 AM

 

Dean woke up in terrible pain. It felt as if he had multiple deep cuts on his chest. He was in so much pain that his voice shocked him. “Saaam,” he tried to scream. His voice was faint, but at least it was enough to wake Sam who had almost slept with one eye open. When Sam heard Dean’s painful groans he was immediately wide awake. He was beside Dean’s bed in a second.

 

“Sammy. It hurts so badly. Something is wrong. Please…” Sam pulled back Dean’s covers and was startled when he saw all the blood. He could see the blood pumping out of Dean’s chest. “Oh, my God, the wounds have reopened. “Stay still. I’ll get some help.”

 

A moment later, nurses and doctors came running, and rolled away Dean’s bed, leaving Sam behind.

 

Sam called Bobby, and he rushed back to the hospital. Sam was distraught because of what he had seen, and Bobby tried to comfort him.

 

An hour later Sam was very relieved when they brought Dean back. The bed was rolled back into his room. 

 

“Dean's stitches reopened, but we don’t know how that happened,” the on-call doctor informed Sam and Bobby. “I've never seen anything quite like it. He isn't bleeding anymore, and his life is out of danger. He’s having another blood transfusion as we speak, and he's resting comfortably now.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

Six hours later.

 

Sam watched Dean sleep. His brother looked very pale. Sam had tears in his eyes as Bobby entered the room, two mugs of coffee in his hands. Putting them down on a table, he laid a hand on Sam’s shoulder.

 

“Sam. He’ll be all right. You heard the doctor.”

 

“That’s what they said the last time.” Sam said, drying his eyes.

 

“I brought you some coffee,” Bobby said, passing the mug to Sam.

 

Sam took a couple of sips. Somehow the coffee made him feel better.

 

“Listen, Sam,” Bobby said. “I don’t need to tell you how strange it is that Dean survived that hellhound. I've never heard of anything like it. To be honest, I was afraid that this would happen.”

 

“How? Why?” Sam looked him straight in the eyes. “Are you saying that Dean might die?”

 

“What I am saying is…” Bobby said. “…that I've done some research.”

 

“What kind of research?” Sam asked. He was terrified of what Bobby would say.

 

“Look, Sam! We don’t know exactly what Dean went through when he died. There's a lot of lore about what happens after death. Most of it is very contradictory. The only one who knows exactly what happened is Dean. We can't even begin to understand what he went through, what hell was like. Can you imagine if he actually went to hell, the way he must have suffered?”

 

“I've thought about that,” Sam said. “He doesn’t seem to care that he's alive. You'd think he'd be happy that he came back, that he managed to escape hell.”

 

“Maybe the reason he's so depressed is, because he knows that he's living on borrowed time. Death is unavoidable. We're all gonna die. So is Dean. Even if he got out of hell this time, it's just a matter of time before he is sent back. The thought of that would make anyone give up the will to live.”

 

“What does that have to do with Dean's wound reopening?”

 

“Don’t you see?” Bobby said. “The mind controls the body. That's something that western medicine has always denied. A supernatural being caused his injuries. His very strong will to survive got his injuries to heal quicker. I guess that Dean's much more depressed than we realized. He doesn’t want to live anymore. He's given up. He doesn’t care if he’s dead or alive. I think that must have caused his wound to reopen. I guess that this has a lot to do with what he saw down there. Sam, you're the only one that can reach him. You must force him to talk about what he went through. He has to let go of this burden. He needs to find something to live for. He must, or else he will die. I've seen the strong bond between the two of you, and I think you have to get him to talk.” 

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Later that evening.

 

Dean had woken up. The IV from the blood transfusion had been removed. He'd gotten his strength back and was feeling much better. When Sam entered the room Dean had just finished eating a Jell-O. 

 

Sam just looked at him. Dean looked up and was surprised at what he saw. Sam didn’t look fine. He looked like he was having a breakdown. Sam was shaking. He looked like his legs would surrender in any second.

 

“Sammy. What’s wrong?”

 

Sam sat down by Dean’s bed with tears in his eyes.

 

“Dean. This has to stop. I don’t know what you went through when you died, but you have to tell me. You can’t do this anymore, dude. Please don’t shut me out. I've seen you do this to yourself far too many times. If you keep hiding everything you feel inside, you're going to explode. I've seen it before, remember? In this case it's going to kill you, but what you don’t realize is that you're going to kill me as well. This last 24 hours I've been wrestling with my worst fears. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't even go to the can! Please. I am begging you. If you don’t want to live for yourself, then please do it for me. I can only begin to imagine what you saw down there in hell. I do understand that you must be wrecked witnessing that.”

 

“Sam, you don’t understand.”

 

“Make me understand. How horrible was it? Whatever they did to you down in the pit you can tell me. Talk to me. Please!”

 

“Sammy… I… didn’t go to hell.” Dean got tears in his eyes. He didn’t know where to start.

 

After a minute, he slowly began talking. “That night in the house… I remember how I saw my dead body lying on the floor. I was hovering above it… Then I saw a bright light. The light was so overwhelming, so beautiful and seductive that I… couldn’t resist following it. 

 

It was terrible seeing you so devastated. You were crying yours eyes out. I just wanted to hug you and tell you that it was all right, but the light was so beautiful, I just had to follow it. 

 

I knew that I was dead, but this was not what I expected hell would be like. How could this be hell? Then it occurred to me that maybe the path I followed actually didn’t lead to hell. It seemed way too beautiful. Maybe hell didn’t exist after all. 

 

The more I walked, the happier I felt. I went through a tunnel towards the light, and I heard the most beautiful music ever. I had never felt so happy. Then I was at the end of the tunnel, surrounded by light. Someone was standing there in the light waiting, for me. It was Mom!”

 

Sam started to sob, tears welling from his eyes.

 

“You saw… Mom?”

 

“She smiled at me. I wanted to cry with happiness, but it was impossible because I didn’t have a body. I wanted to stay there forever in that happy place with Mom, but then something was pulling me back. 

The light disappeared. I wanted to scream. Somehow, I knew what was happening. With amazing speed I snapped back to the room in that house. I saw you doing CPR. I saw the paramedics arrive. 

Then I was back in my body, but I couldn’t control it. I dreamt that I was a prisoner trapped in a large net, because that was what it felt like. I realized that being trapped in this damaged meat suit was *hell.* I knew that the only hell that exists is the pain and suffering on earth. 

Then I woke up, unable to move. I was restrained by all these tubes, and I just wanted to die. I just wanted to go back to that wonderful place. I just wanted to go to Mom. I didn’t want to come back to this wounded body. That was why, I guess, I panicked when I woke up. I didn’t want to come back here. That’s what I was trying to tell you, Sam.”

 

Sam hugged him. There was no need for any more words. Sam understood now why Dean had acted the way he had. He still felt confused though. He didn’t know exactly how he could help Dean after what he'd just been told, although at least he'd made a start.

 

Dean cried too, but somehow he knew that Sam was right. A great burden had been lifted.

 

“I wanted to stay, Sammy. I wanted to stay with Mom.”

 

“I know Dean. I know.” Sam let go of Dean and tried to get a grip over himself.

 

“What are you saying?” Sam asked, after a moment. “That there's no hell? That's good news, but I don't understand how that can be? After everything we've heard, and everything we were led to believe? We even saw that devils' gate in that cemetery in Wyoming.”

 

“I don’t know, Sam! I really don’t know. But one thing’s for sure. For some reason, that hellhound was unable to kill me, and I’m going to find out why, if it’s the last thing I do.”

 

Sam told Bobby the good news about Dean when he came to visit, later that evening. Bobby had been asked about a case involving a poltergeist in Illinois, but he felt reluctant to go. He didn’t want to leave Sam and Dean behind, but they urged him to go. Dean was going to be released soon, and Sam figured that they could take care of themselves now.

 

Bobby said a heartfelt goodbye to the two boys who had become almost like his sons. Dean was in a very good mood, which made it easier for Bobby to leave. Later that evening, Sam could see a remarkable difference in Dean. They talked, laughed and played cards. Dean even asked Sam to smuggle in a large pizza and some cold beer.

 

Erica Adler peeked through the small window in the door to Dean’s room. She could see them laughing as they ate slices of pizza, and as she watched, her eyes shone demonic black.


	2. Chapter 2  Black Storm

It was the middle of the night. Dean slept comfortably in the hospital bed with Ruby’s knife under the pillow. He'd felt an incredible peace within, since he had told Sam about his near death experience. The best part was that he'd realized that he was out of the deal and no longer had a death sentence hanging over him. The previous year had taken its toll. He had been so scared, knowing that he was destined to die a terrible death and go to hell.

 

Sam was also in a deep sleep on the other bed in the room. Outside in the corridor the lights were flickering. The duty nurse on the outside station didn’t pay much attention to it.

 

Erica Adler entered Dean’s room. She looked around very carefully and saw that Dean and Sam were both sleeping soundly. She went up to Dean’s bed and very carefully tied his arms to the bed with restraints she had brought from the psych ward. Dean started to wake up and saw her face.

 

“Nurse Adler? What…?”

 

“Shhhhh. It’s all right. I am just going to give you an injection. It’ll make you feel better.”

 

Dean could see that she held a syringe in her hand containing a blue liquid. He studied her, and swiftly realized it was not the nurse he knew. He tried to reach for his knife and realized that his hands had been fastened to the bed.

 

“It…It’s… not…you. Saaaam heeeelp!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. Sam was up in a flash.

 

“She’s going to kill me,” Dean yelled. “It’s not her.”

 

Sam hurled himself towards Dean but felt an invisible force throwing him backwards, nailing him to the wall.

 

“Howdy, Sam!” Nurse Adler said with a mischievous smile. Sam could see her black, demonic eyes.

 

“I've been missing you, Sam. I've missed being inside you. I should have killed you when I had the chance.”

 

Then Sam realized. “Meg,” he said. “Leave my brother alone.”

 

“Oh no! You see Lilith was very disappointed. I'm here to make things right. And an extra bonus is that it will be fun to see you watch your brother die. Now, say goodbye to Dean!”

 

“Saaaaam. Don’t let her kill me.” There was panic in Dean’s voice. Sam was nailed to the wall. There was nothing he could do but listen to his brother's panicked voice. And then Dean felt the sting as the needle sank into his vein.

 

“Noooooo!” Sam yelled. 

 

A white flash beamed from Sam’s forehead, hitting Erica. She began trembling like she had been electrocuted. Dean could feel some small flashes from her, and a warmth in his body. 

 

A stream of black smoke exited her mouth and disappeared, and Erica fell lifeless to the floor. The invisible force that had nailed Sam to the wall seemed to dissipate, and he ran over to Dean, removing the syringe from Dean’s arm.

 

“Are you all right?” Sam asked, gasping for air.

 

“I …I think so.” Dean said. “I don’t think she managed to inject me with anything. Man, that was close! Sam, you're bleeding!”

 

Blood was running from Sam’s nose, and he tried to wipe it off.

 

“Are you sure that you're all right?” Sam asked his brother as he was removing the restraints around Dean’s wrists.

 

“This was a very close call. It made me realize something.” 

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t want to die. I'm not ready to die, Sam!”

 

They heard a weak groan from the floor.

 

“Erica!” Sam said. She had regained conscious, and he tried to pull her up to her feet.

 

“I feel so dizzy. A dark cloud invaded my body. It made me do things. I couldn't control my body.”

 

”I know,” Sam said. “You should rest now. I'll get someone to check you out. All right?”

 

“All right,” Erica said weakly. “My head hurts!”

 

Sam led her out of the room.

 

 

 

It wasn't long before Sam returned.

 

“So what did you say happened to her?” Dean asked.

 

“I said she fainted.”

 

“Sam!” Dean looked suddenly very tense. 

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I…think that…”

 

“What… What?” Sam asked.

 

“I think… that I …can move my legs!”

 

Sam looked shocked. He couldn’t get out a word.

 

“Wh…..How?!” Was all he managed to say.

 

“I can move my legs. Look!”

 

With great effort Dean managed to lift his left leg and put it back down again. Sam was in shock. Dean tried again and managed this time to move his right leg. He looked serious. 

 

“Sam, what happened?” 

 

Sam hesitated, and Dean saw the hesitation in his eyes.

 

“You’ve kept saying that you lost your psychic powers when the yellow-eyed demon died.” 

 

“I did…except for…”

 

“Except for what?”

 

Sam looked very frightened.

 

“It’s okay, Sammy. Just tell me what’s going on. I’ll keep an open mind.”

 

“I…” Sam said. “I was watching you die, and somehow I just couldn’t let that happen.

It happened before, when you were in Jail. I had a dream. You were burned beyond recognition. I knew that it was more than a dream. That was why I went to see you, even though you had made it very clear to me that I should stay away. 

 

I just couldn’t let you die, Dean. I didn’t care if I was arrested too. Somehow I had to save you. When I was in solitaire I had one more dream. I saw Claire Methany bringing you to the electric chair in the basement. That was how Ruby and I managed to find you before you got fried.”

 

“Sammy, why didn’t you tell me this before?”

 

“When my powers died with the yellow-eyed demon it was such a relief, not only for me, but for you too. I was ashamed when they returned. Ruby once told me that they could be triggered under the right circumstances, like when I was watching you die. Tonight you were seconds from being killed and what I experienced tonight was much more powerful than any premonition. I felt a great force inside me, and I tried to focus it in a concentrated form of energy, then suddenly…”

 

“I saw some weird kind of flash shooting from you,” Dean said.

 

“You know, it felt very similar to what happened at the Miller house. Do you remember? I was locked in that closet with a large cabinet in front of it. I got a vision showing Max Miller blowing your brains out, and I just couldn’t let that happen. I just moved that cabinet by pure will power. Thing is, this was much more intense than that.”

 

“Sam, I think that you actually exorcised Meg out of Erica’s body by pure mind power. I think that is some of the weirdest thing I’ve ever said.”

 

“I couldn’t have.” Sam was gaping, the thought was too large to hold in his head.

 

“Sam,” Dean said. “Are you all right? You had a nosebleed. How are you feeling?”

 

“I have a terrible headache, but the nosebleed seems to have stopped. This can only mean one thing. Oh my God, Dean, I did exorcise her. I just aimed that power right into her head. Meg left Erica’s body with an amazing force. I think I did do it.” Sam didn’t know whether he would laugh or cry.

 

“God. My head is really killing me. We should go to sleep.”

 

“We're in a hospital. You should really get some doctor to look at you.”

 

“No,” Sam said. “I'll be all right. I just need some rest. We both do.”

 

“Yes, but before we do that, there is something you should know.”

 

“What?” Sam said, looking worried.

 

“I was hit by your weird flash through Erica. I think you might have saved me.”

 

“Well, of course I did, if I exorcised Meg, right?” Sam looked confused.

 

“That’s not what I mean.” Dean said. “My whole body felt warm and then I could move my legs. It must have been you, Sammy. The power you have is stronger than we could ever imagine.”

 

“This is too much for me,” Sam said. “I think I better lay down, before I pull an Erica and faint on you!”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

The next morning the doctors found out that Dean’s legs seemed to have miraculously healed. They thought it was a miracle, and Dean started the physical therapy that same day. His legs weren't very mobile, and he struggled, making a great effort to walk. Considering the circumstances, he was delighted that he could even walk, albeit with the help of crutches. 

 

Later, Sam and Dean had lunch in Dean’s room. Sam’s headache had mercifully disappeared during the night.

 

“I couldn’t sleep all night,” Sam said. "I can’t quite comprehend that I've got this kind of power. You know, dreams that come true and visions are one thing, but this! This whole last year I had premonitions when you were in danger in jail. After that I didn’t feel anything, until the night you were attacked by the hellhound. I still don’t understand what happened back there in that house, but I remember the fear on Lilith’s face. 

And now I find out that I can exorcise demons with my mind, and as if that's not enough, I healed your legs while I was doing it. I'm a healer. It's unbelievable, although it seems that I can only do it in extreme situations like when I was watching you die. But these powers really scare me. I can’t help wondering if they're evil? Should I stop using them, or should I explore them more? If I do that, will I become exactly what Dad feared? Maybe I'll end up turning darkside. Maybe I'm as evil as it gets, without even knowing it.”

 

“Dad was completely wrong about you,” Dean said straight out. “There's nothing evil inside you.”

 

“You don’t know that!” Sam said and rose to his feet.

 

“Yes I do. I think I can see people’s souls.”

 

Sam had to sit down. Once again he was speechless.

 

“I don’t know how or why, but I do. That was how I knew that Erica wasn’t Erica. I could see her demonic face, the same way I saw Lilith’s face in Ruby’s body, remember? I have also found out that most peoples' souls are different shades of gray. Obviously there's good and evil in everybody. I guess that's what human nature's like, but there are some people whose souls are very white. You're one of those people, Sammy. Dad didn’t know what he was talking about.”

 

“And I thought that I was psychic!” Sam said.

 

“More psycho, actually” Dean said and laughed.

 

“Jerk,” Sam said with a smile.

 

“Bitch,” Dean replied.

 

“Anyway. I guess that ability is a bit psycho. I don’t even know how dangerous it is. Maybe I hurt Erica. I should find out if she's all right.”

 

“I don’t want to see that bitch. She gives me the creeps,” Dean said.

 

“I thought you liked her!”

 

“Well, that was before she tried to kill me.”

 

“She can’t be held responsible for her actions.”

 

“I'm sure that would have been her defense in court if she actually had killed me.”

 

Then Erica stuck her head around the doorway.

 

“Speaking of the bitch,” Dean muttered to himself. “I mean witch. In this case I don’t think there is a big difference.”

 

“Am I disturbing you?” Erica said.

 

“No, please, come in.” Sam said. “How are you feeling? You should be home resting. You fainted in this room last night.”

 

“I'm feeling perfectly fine. I was anxious to get back to work. And we all know that I didn’t faint, right? I remember everything that happened last night. I'm so sorry, Dean, for what happened.”

 

“You're sorry that you almost killed me?” Dean said. “Apology accepted.”

 

“You don’t mean that!” Erica said.

 

Dean raised his voice. “Don’t tell me what I mean and don’t mean.”

 

“Hey!” Sam said. “Calm down. She's trying to apologize. Thanks, Erica. It means a lot. How much do you remember?”

 

“I remember the black smoke invading my body, and then I was a prisoner inside. Someone else was in command. I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t. It was a demon, wasn’t it?”

 

“I’m afraid so.” Sam said with deepest compassion.

 

“So, demons are real? Oh my God. I thought that I was going crazy. I think I would have preferred that,” Erica said.

 

Then her expression changed. She looked very surprised. “Who are you guys?” she eyed Dean. “You weren't a war prisoner in Iraq. You guys are demon hunters, aren’t you? Oh God, I think I'm hyperventilating. Am I hyperventilating?”

 

“You're very perceptive,” Dean said.

 

“Actually, we've spent our lives hunting all kind of supernatural evil, not just demons. Our mom was killed by a demon when we were children. Hunting that son of a bitch down has been the family business, as well as saving as many people as we could from supernatural evil,” Sam said.

 

“Are you saying that there's more stuff out there than demons? Like what?”

 

“Women in white, ghosts, spirits, poltergeists,” Dean said.

 

“Pagan gods, reapers, daevas, death omens,” added Sam.

 

“Djinns,” Dean smirked.

 

“Black magic,” Sam said.

 

“Not to mention shtrigas, and, of course, vampires.”

 

“What the hell is a shtriga?… And vampires? Whoa!” Erica looked like she was going to drop to the floor once again.

 

“Yeah I didn’t believe in vampires either, until our dad told us about them. If it makes you feel better, the tooth-fairy is fake,” Dean said with a laugh.

 

“What a relief,” Erica said ironically.

 

“You are taking this tremendously well,” Sam said.

 

“I guess I should believe you, after what I went through. The salt! Oh my god! I made you clean that up. It was some kind of protection, right?”

 

“Yes it was. Demons can’t cross a salt line,” Sam said.

 

“Oh no. That almost had you killed. I should have been much more open-minded,” Erica said.

 

“Yes, you should have.”

 

“Shut up, Dean,” Sam snarled.

 

“That demon. I could hear it talking. Communicating with others. They talked about the two of you. There's someone named Lilith. She's afraid of your power, Sam. That's what happened, isn’t it? I remember. You used some kind of power against me. Against that bitch that possessed me. Sam! You saved me.” 

 

She hugged him. Sam didn’t know whether he should hug her back or what. Dean looked uncomfortable. Sam patted her gently on her back. Then she backed off.

 

“You're some kind of psychic freak…I mean…wonder!”

 

“You got the freak part right!” Dean said and laughed.

 

“Shut up, Dean,” Sam and Erica said in unison.

 

Dean rolled his eyes.

 

“What else did you hear?” Sam asked gently.

 

“They want you dead at any cost. They've even recruited people to do their dirty work.”

 

“People?” Dean said. He looked very afraid. “If people are going to attack us, then there's no protection. No salt, no holy water, no nothing.”

 

“Except that people are mortal,” Sam said.

 

“Yeah, but we can’t go around killing people, even if they're evil sons of bitches. That would be murder,” Dean said.

 

“They're very smart,” Sam said. “They've found our weak spot. They know that we can’t go around killing people. Then we'd be just as evil as they are. Now it seems like killing such an immortal thing like a demon is a piece of cake in comparison.”

 

“Demons can be killed?” Erica asked.

 

“We have a special knife,” Sam said. “Dean sleeps with it under his pillow.”

 

Erica looked surprised at Dean, who answered that look with a goofy smile.

 

“Here at the hospital, without me even noticing?” Erica asked.

 

“Yeah. He can’t sleep without it,” Sam said. “It's like his teddy bear.”

 

“Shut up, Sam!” Dean said.

 

“The people working for them are members of a cult. They've left dead bodies all over the country and have infiltrated the police to make sure they drop the case.”

 

“It was in the paper,” Sam said enthusiastically. “See! I knew it was a case for us.”

 

“They worship Lilith as a goddess. They call themselves *Black Storm*,” Erica said.

 

“It sounds like a terrorist cell. Maybe it would be more of a case for Section One than for us,” Dean said. 

 

“You have been watching way too many reruns of *La femme Nikita*,” Sam said to Dean.

 

“Well there hasn’t been too much else to do while I have been laid up in here. Besides, I have a soft spot for Roy Dupuis…um… I mean Peta Wilson,” Dean said and blushed.

 

“Black Storm is lead by a very evil woman whose name is Ariel.”

 

“Sounds like a brand of laundry detergent,” Dean said.

 

“Shut up, Dean,” Sam said.

 

“Anyway,” Erica said. “Lilith is very afraid of you, Sam. She thinks you hold the key to their destruction.”

 

“What?” Sam looked shocked. 

 

“Somehow they think that you can destroy them, that you can save the world. But Dean is your weak spot. By killing him they thought that they were going to weaken you. Then it would be easier to destroy you too,” Erica said.

 

“No. I don’t believe it,” Sam said. “I don’t want to be some kind of Harry Potter – the only one who can save the world from Voldemort.”

 

“Um…The name is Lilith!” Dean said.

 

“I KNOW WHAT HER NAME IS,” Sam snapped at him.

 

“God! I woke the beast,” Dean said. Then he saw the devastation in Sam’s face.

 

“Are you all right?” Dean asked, starting to climb out of bed to support his brother who was about to fall down. His still very weak legs faltered, and he dropped to the floor. Sam helped him up to the bed.

 

“Listen,” Erica said. “I want to help.”

 

“We appreciate that, but you already have. You've given us invaluable information, and we thank you for that,” Sam said.

 

“No. You don’t understand. I heard them. I know them. I could infiltrate Black Storm.”

 

“Are you crazy?” Dean asked.

 

“Erica, listen. You don’t know what you're saying. That would be extremely dangerous. Most likely you'd be killed,” said Sam.

 

“You still don’t understand. I had a demon inside me, controlling my whole body. I felt the darkness take over. Life will never be the same after this, ever. I realized how important this is. How important you are, Sam. Don’t you get it? You're also important to me. I know the danger. I know that I can be killed, but I also know them. I know that I can do it. I have to. My mind is made up. I'm going to do this with or without your help.”

 

“You do sound very determined. I strongly advise you to stay out of it, but if you are going to do it, we'll help you any way we can. But whatever you do, don’t do this for me.” Sam said.

 

“I am doing this for myself.” Erica said.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Erica had taken leave of absence from her work. Bobby had done a very thorough research about Black Storm. He had even found their location in Lawrence. Sam had come up with a plan for Erica. She had invited him over to discuss the details over dinner. He stopped by to see Dean at the hospital on his way to her apartment.

 

“So she is actually going to do it.” Dean said.

 

“Yeah. I've talked to Bobby. She will go to him, and he'll take care of the training she needs. Still I'm worried about her. I feel like we are sentencing her to death. Do you think she'll pull it off?"

 

“No, I don’t,” Dean said. “I don’t think she's strong enough. I've seen her soul, Sam. She is very human. There's a lot of good in her, but also a lot of darkness that could take root if she was seduced by them. She knows a lot about us. We must be very careful.”

 

“I hope you are wrong,” Sam said.

 

“Me too.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Erica opened the door. Sam stood there with a goofy smile on his face. She asked him in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She wore an elegant blue dress and looked very beautiful. He smelled the wonderful scent of her cooking and was stunned when he saw what an effort she'd made with the dinner. There were even candles on the table. 

 

They sat down to eat. Erica enjoyed every minute of Sam’s company. They laughed a lot. Sam told her fun stories from his childhood as well as from his and Dean’s three-year long road trip.

 

“It sounds like it's been a rough life.” Erica said. “You've never wanted to settle down with a girl.”

 

“Actually I did once. I went to college. I was about to be a lawyer.” Erica looked amazed.

 

“Somehow I'm not surprised. You seem to be such an intelligent young man.”

 

“Anyway,” Sam said. “There I met Jessica. I was about to ask her to marry me, but she was killed.”

 

“Oh Sam, I’m so sorry,” Erica said and touched his hand over the table, and Sam told her about the yellow-eyed demon, and the way he'd killed both Jessica and his mother.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Dean lay on the bed in his hospital room. He put the paper aside and yawned. He was bored without Sam there. He wished that Sam would be back soon from his dinner with Erica. Meanwhile he thought he'd better get some rest. Exercising his legs in physical therapy today had exhausted him. 

 

He started to drift off and was in the wonderful place between sleep and wakefulness when he suddenly felt himself rise from his body and found himself up in the roof, spinning. 

 

Leaving the hospital behind him, he saw the very familiar, wonderful light. He went towards it, until he heard the wonderful music, and he walked, until he found himself surrounded by the light. Then he saw that familiar face that he had longed for. He was overwhelmed by emotions. Once again he wanted to cry, but he couldn’t because he didn’t have any tears.

 

“Mom?”

 

“Yes. It’s me,” Mary Winchester said.

 

“I've missed you so much, you can’t imagine. I love you, Mom!”

 

“I love you too, honey.”

 

“Why am I here? Am I dead?”

 

“No honey. You're not dead. You're still connected to your body by what we used to call a silver thread. Many people come here for a visit in their sleep, but most of them don’t remember anything.”

 

“Am I on the other side?” Dean asked. “Is this heaven?”

 

“Yes. It is,” Mary said. “But you'll go back to your body soon. It was I who brought you here.”

 

“Mom. I've felt you close by, ever since that night.”

 

“I have been close. Since you almost died, you have a very rare sensibility, which makes it easy to bring you here. But this sensibility of yours is only temporary, and I needed to contact you while I still could.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because there are things you need to know and I want to make sure that you remember everything when you wake up. First of all, this is where everybody goes when they die.”

 

“But, what about dad? What about hell? I've seen a devil's gate with my own eyes. A door straight to hell. Where do demons come from?"

 

"There is no hell. Everybody goes to heaven when they die, and it's a place full of love and warmth. You'll be reunited with those that you love who went before you. 

But this is also a place where you'll learn about yourself. What good and bad you have done in your last life. If there's anything evil in your soul it's usually washed away when you get here. Many people who have done terrible things feel a great regret when they arrive. It's like waking up from a bad dream, and they see everything clearly for the first time. But some people don’t want to wash away the evil they carried with them from their lives on earth. They feel that they don’t belong in this place of love. They choose to leave heaven of their own free will, although the cosmic law says that they can’t go back to earth. They're sent to a world below earth - underground. That's their home, and this is how demons are born."

 

“So that is what we call hell?” Dean asked.

 

“Not exactly,” Mary said. “That place is just a place. There's no agony or hellfire. It's just a home for demons. There are different doors to it all over earth, which means that the demons can come and go as they please. There was a time when more demons than ever left their home and walked on earth. They possessed more people than ever. It was during the Second World War. Many Nazis were possessed by demons."

 

“So are you saying that demons where responsible for the holocaust and for the concentration camps?”

 

“Only partly. The evil inside people was the largest factor in what happened. Many hunters knew about this, and they decided that the best chance to save people from the Nazis was by locking the devil’s gates and shutting the demons inside. The gates to their dungeons have been closed and locked ever since, or at least until that gate in Wyoming was opened a year ago.”

 

“How is this possible?” Dean asked. "We were always let to believe that if you commit sins you'd be sent to hell. And that Ruby told me about hell; she said that people become demons down there.”

 

“She lied. That's what demons do, you know. She was just messing with your head. Hell is a concept created by man. Religions have always tried to control people with fear.”

 

“So there is no God!”

 

“I didn’t say that,” Mary said. “Only that I haven’t met him. Or maybe this powerful love up here could be God. I don’t know yet.”

 

“But what about Dad? He was in that pit. We assumed that he climbed out.”

 

“Your father was never in there. He was up here with me, and he managed to get down to help you boys when you really needed him.”

 

“Where is he now?”

 

“He is up here with me.”

 

“What happens when we exorcise demons?”

 

“They're sent down to the pit, and since the devil's gates are closed they can’t get out, except for the few who manage to find their way.”

 

“Exorcisms are one thing, but we have a knife in our possession that can even kill demons just like the Colt we had. What happens when we kill a demon?” Dean asked.

 

“Like everything else that dies, they come up here and have to face what they have done and hopefully start over to get their souls cleaned.”

 

“Mom. Please tell me. How come I survived that hellhound? I really need to know.”

 

“Sorry, Dean, but you have to go back now.”

 

Dean felt like something pulling him backward at amazing speed, and then he woke up in the bed.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Later Sam and Erica sat on her couch after a lovely dinner.

 

“That chocolate mousse was amazing,” Sam said.

 

“Would you like some more?” Erica said.

 

“No thanks. I’m full. Listen, Erica. I've worked out a plan if you seriously feel you have to go through with this,” Sam said.

 

“I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”

 

“The human being is a complex thing. There's good and evil in all of us. In some of us there's more evil than in others. The members of this cult, Black Storm, are completely evil. They worship the purest form of darkness. The problem is that you're a good woman, Erica. They're going to sense that, but there is a way to fool them. By using self-hypnosis. You'll have to turn off the good in you completely by using it. That way you can turn off the good side temporarily but still be able to come back to your true self. You'll have to keep the goodness of your heart so well hidden that not even the demons can sense it. There's even a great risk that you will be possessed again. They may even put you through some tests.”

 

“I can handle it.”

 

“I'm amazed by your courage,” Sam said. “Your soul will have to be in absolute balance or else you'll be tempted by the dark side.”

 

“That will never happen,” Erica said with great confidence.

 

“You will have to go through some very serious training to be able to pull it off.”

 

“Are you going to train me? I would feel completely safe with you,” Erica said and put her hand on Sam’s thigh.

 

“No. I have to take care of my brother. His entire life he's tried to protect me and keep me safe. The least I can do now is the same for him, so I've arranged for a very good friend of mine to take care of your training. His name is Bobby Singer, and he's the best there is. He's been like a father to us. I think you met him.”

 

“Is that the guy with the beard and the baseball cap that looks like it's stuck to his head.”

 

“That's Bobby. He'll help you infiltrate them. He told me that he's got a plan.”

 

Sam rose from the couch and brought his duffel bag over. He took a road map and a piece of paper with Bobby’s address and gave them to Erica. He sat down close to her on the couch as she took them.

 

“Thanks. You have my word that I won't turn evil. I remember every moment that demon possessed my body. They've got to be stopped, and the two of you are the best chance to stop them. I'll leave for Bobby's place tomorrow,” she said. “How about some more wine?” She poured some more wine into his glass.

 

“It's good,” Sam said. “I don’t think I've had such a nice dinner since I was with Jess.”

 

“You're a remarkable person, Sam Winchester. I'm so sorry for all the pain you've been through. You should let yourself love again.” Erica said. She moved closer to him, let her hand rest on his leg and looked him deep in his eyes.

 

“I wish I had the courage to do it,” Sam said.

 

She leaned forward and kissed him. It was a long, deep kiss. Sam looked a bit uncomfortable and finally turned his head away, breaking the kiss. 

 

“Erica!” he said with a pained expression in his face.

 

“Let me take away the pain,” Erica said with a gentle voice. “Have the courage to love. Even if it is only for one night. This might be the last time for me. Let me love you, Sam.” She hugged him and tried to kiss him again, but he turned away from her and rose to his feet.

 

“No Erica!…I’m sorry.”

 

She could see the pained expression in his face.

 

“There's someone else in your life. You're in love with someone else, aren’t you?”

 

Sam nodded. He had tears in his eyes. So had Erica.

 

“But I don’t understand. You've been on a road trip for three years with your brother. How can there be someone else? Besides, Dean said that you don’t have a girlfriend.” Tears ran down her cheeks.

 

“There are things about me that Dean doesn’t know anything about. Excuse me, but I have to use your bathroom.”

 

Sam ran into the bathroom. He looked at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. Tears were running down his cheek but that was not because of Erica.

 

Ten minutes later Sam came out of the bathroom. Erica was still sitting in the couch, and she seemed to be feeling better as she sipped on her glass of wine.

 

“Erica, I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry if I lead you on. I didn’t mean to. I fully understand if you want to back out. Maybe that would be for the best.”

 

“No. I won’t back out. I feel all right now. I will do this. I'm doing this for me, remember? And for the rest of the world.”

 

“I know.” Sam said. “But you must realize how important it is that you're in balance. You can’t pull this off if you are in emotional turmoil.”

 

“I'll be all right. I'm just as determined to do this as I was earlier. It wasn’t like I imagined the two of us getting married or anything,” Erica laughed.

 

Sam smiled. “I am glad to hear that. Anyway I should go. It looks like Dean will be released from the hospital tomorrow,” Sam said.

 

“I'll stop by to say goodbye.”

 

“Take care of yourself and remember what I told you about balance. And be very, very careful.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Next morning a couple of nurses checked Dean’s vital signs. He winced when they drew some blood from his arm, recalling the terrible event when Meg/Erica had almost killed him.

 

Sam had stayed at the motel overnight. Dean was now strong enough to protect himself. In fact, he was due to be released if the blood work came back all right. Sam arrived just as Dean finished his breakfast.

 

“So, how did it go last night?”

 

“Fine,” Sam said.

 

“Don’t hold back on the details.”

 

“There's nothing to tell,” Sam said. “She'll leave for Bobby's today. Anyway, I was thinking about your legs.”

 

“You sly dog,” smirked Dean. “Tell me! Do you think of my legs often?”

 

“Knock it off!” Sam said. “You know what I mean. You got your legs back, thanks to my powers. You know the doctors say it might take months before you can walk without crutches, but I think I can help you more.”

 

“Sam, I know what your powers do to you. Nosebleed and headache, remember?”

 

“It couldn’t possibly be as bad as exorcising demons. Please, let me try to help you.”

 

“Now?”

 

“Yes, now.”

 

Sam sat down by Dean’s bed. He laid his hands on Dean’s legs and started to focus, then he began to tremble. Dean could see from the look on Sam’s face that his head must hurt like hell. He was just about to interfere when he felt that familiar warmth in his legs once again. Then Sam caught his breath.

 

“Jeez! That was harder than I thought it would be, but at least there was no nosebleed this time.”

 

“Sammy, are you all right? How’s your head?”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Sam said. “How does it feel?”

 

“I don’t know.” Dean rose shakily to his feet and tried to walk. He faltered at first, but then he felt stronger and more confident.

 

“I feel a bit stiff,” Dean said. “But look. I am walking. I’m walking. Sam! It worked!"

 

They both laughed. Dean hugged Sam like he had never hugged him before, and then they suddenly stopped laughing. Dean’s face was very close to Sam’s. Sam didn’t turn away. Dean looked him straight in the eyes and then kissed him. It was a long, deep, passionate kiss distilled from years of repressed lust. His tongue slid into Sam’s mouth, but then his brother broke the kiss.

 

“Sammy! What have I done? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

 

There was panic in Dean’s voice.

 

“Dean, it's okay.”

 

“No. It's not okay. There's nothing that's okay with this. Leave me now. Forget me!”

 

“No!” Sam said and leaned forward to kiss Dean again as passionately as before. Dean wanted to break the kiss, run away screaming in embarrassment for what he was doing, but he just couldn't. This was what he'd always wanted. They were only kissing, but Dean thought it was the most erotic moment in his life, and he felt himself get hard as a rock.

 

Erica peeked through the small window in the door to Dean’s hospital room. Her heart jumped in her chest when she saw that Sam was kissing someone. Then she saw that it was Dean. 

 

She was in complete shock. She felt like her head started to spin, and her eyeballs were about to pop out from her head. She ran away from there as fast as she could - ran like she had never run before. 

 

Dean finally managed to break the kiss.

 

“Sam please. How can you even look at me?”

 

“Because I know you,” Sam said. “I won’t leave you.”

 

“Yes you will,” Dean said. “Because you don’t know how long I've felt this way for you.”

 

“No. I don’t,” Sam said. “Unless you tell me. Tell me everything. Are you in love with me?” 

 

Sam was shaking. Dean looked like he just wanted to sink through the earth down to that hell that didn’t existed. He couldn’t meet Sam’s look and started to cry.

 

“Yes,” he said. “I love you, Sam. I'm in love with you. I lust for you. I desire you. You don’t know how many times I've wanted to tell you that I love you during these three years. Doesn’t that make you wanna run?” 

 

“No.”

 

“You will when I tell you this. Even before you left, I realized I was completely attracted to you. I was even in love with you, and that scared the hell out of me, because brothers shouldn’t be turned on by each other. I realized that the feelings weren’t mutual when you left me and Dad without a moment's hesitation. I missed you like crazy, but I tried to keep my feelings well hidden. When Dad disappeared, I couldn’t deny what I felt about you any more. Like I said, I could have handled that search for Dad on my own. When I went to Stanford to get you, my primary intention was to tell you how I felt about you, but I was totally thrown off guard when I saw that pretty girlfriend of yours. I managed to put my game face on and made that stupid comment about her *Smurfs*.”

 

“I remember thinking that your initial reaction to her was strange,” Sam said.

 

“You got that right! Anyway I was going to tell you during our road trip. I was so happy that I had you back in my life, but your determination to go back to Stanford made me realize that you didn't have those feelings for me. Then Jessica died, and you were mourning her. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you, so, instead, I tried to bury these feelings deep down. I didn’t even tell you when my heart was damaged after that electrocution. You saved my life by finding that faith healer. After that I thought we were even closer, and when you were kidnapped by those crazy rednecks I swore that I was gonna tell you if I got you back alive.

 

Finally I did get you back alive, and I was about to tell you when you suddenly announced that you were going back to a regular life and leaving me once we found Dad. That totally knocked me down.

For my own survival I tried to bury those feelings once again, but when you were about to run into that burning house to kill the yellow-eyed demon - and yourself in the process - I almost told you that I loved you, right there on the spot. 

After Dad made the deal that cost him his life and saved mine, I was in a very bad place. It wasn’t just that I had to deal with Dad’s death, and the way he died, I also had the secret about you to keep, not mentioning my own sexual desire and love for you. You know, it almost killed me. 

Then we thought that you'd been infected by that demonic virus in Rivergrove. That just became too much for me. I just wanted to lie down and die. I was about to tell you that I loved you when we were interrupted. Then, when you were out of danger, I lost my nerve and told you the other secret that was killing me. Dad’s last words. 

It complicated things further for me. I was ordered to kill you if you turned evil, but I could never do that, because I love you more than anything in the whole world. My feelings for you go way beyond being my brother. I didn't know how I could save you from yourself if I had these intense feelings for you, totally distracting me, so as usual I managed to hide them. 

I hid them so deeply that not even that Djinn could find them, when he was granting my wish of a world were Mom never died. 

But like I told you before, that dream was not perfect. Although I got Mom back and lived a perfect life, I missed what we had so much that it was killing me. That was what made it easier to kill myself and return to you. Afterwards, you and I had this amazing moment, and the way you talked made me realize that my feelings for you might be mutual. 

I was planning to tell you, but you got kidnapped, and the next time I saw you you died in my arms. Sammy, I've got no words to describe that pain. I just wanted to die myself. I loved you so much that I'd do absolutely anything for you, and I did. I made that deal and got one more last year with you. Every second with you was worth dying for, or even going to hell for. 

When you lay dead on that bed, I actually told you I loved you, but you never heard me. When I got you back I realized that I could never tell you. Then we ended up in jail. In there Michael Riley begged me to tell you.”

 

Dean could see the look on Sam’s face.

 

“Yes, Sam. He knew. He guessed it. And then Dorian Burns molested you and I realized how traumatized you were. You made it very clear that you never wanted to talk about that, and I figured that you’d never let a man touch you like that ever again. Not even me. My worst fear was that you'd leave me if I told you, and I cherished every moment with you, so I never did until now. I love you, Sam. It's perverted and sick. Doesn’t it want to make you run?”

 

“I…” Sam looked so stunned that he couldn’t get a word out. He was shaking. Finally, all he managed to say was, “I…have to go and talk to your doctor and take care of the paperwork for your release.” Then he ran as fast as he could.

 

The three years with Sam was flashing by in Dean’s head. He remembered when he was about to tell Sam as they stood on Sylvania Bridge in Jericho. He'd imagined that he had felt the vibes from Sam, and he'd tried to make Sam spill the beans and admit that he was gay, although it sounded like he was talking about hunting. 

 

He remembered every word. “You're serious about this, aren’t you? You think that you're just going to be some kind of lawyer. Marry your girl. You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But soon or later you have to face up to who you really are.”

 

The scenery changed in Dean’s mind. He couldn’t forget how close he'd come to telling Sam in that doctor’s office in Rivergrove. He could hear Sam’s voice. “Dean I’m sick. It’s over for me. It doesn’t have to be for you.”

 

“No?”

 

“No, you could keep on going,” Sam had said.

 

“Who says I want to?” Dean had answered.

 

“What?”

 

“I’m tired, Sam. I’m tired of this job, this life. This weight on my shoulder. Man, I’m tired of it.”

 

“So, what? So, you’re just gonna give up? I mean you’re just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know the stuff with Dad had…”

 

“You’re wrong. It’s not about Dad. I mean, part of it is, sure…”

 

“Then what is it about?”

 

“I love you, Sammy,” is what he was supposed to say, but he'd heard footsteps and never managed to say it.

 

Then he remembered the worst moment of his life, and how the man that he loved more than anybody in the whole world lay dead. He could remember every word he'd said to Sam in that moment. 

 

“You know when we were little and you couldn’t have been more than five, you just started to asking questions. How come we didn’t have a mom? Why do we always move around? Where’d Dad go? He’d take off for days at a time. 

I remember I begged you. Quit asking, Sammy! Man, you don’t wanna know. I just wanted you to be a kid. Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you. Keep you safe. 

Dad didn’t even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It’s like I had one job. That one job, and I screwed it up. I blew it, and for that I’m sorry. I guess that’s what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now, I guess I’m just supposed to let you down too. 

How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do, Sammy? What am I supposed to do? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? Sammy, I love you! I wanted to tell you so many times. Now it’s too late.”

 

Now, one year later, he had finally told Sam the truth. Sam was now very much alive, but this time Dean knew he'd lost him forever.


	3. Chapter 3  Soul Mates Part 1

Dean was back in his beloved car, with Sam by his side. He knew that it was miracle that he was in his car again since he shouldn’t have been alive at all. It was an even greater miracle that he was able to walk again, and that was all thanks to Sam. 

 

Yet he was too depressed to enjoy the moment, so depressed that he was letting Sam drive. He’d told Sam his deepest and darkest secret, and Sam had gone to take care of the paperwork by the nurses’ station. To Dean, it was a miracle that Sam had come back at all. 

 

And now they rode together, but in complete silence. There was nothing Dean wanted to say. Everything had already been said. He couldn’t blame Sam for his silence or for not looking at him. They stopped by the motel where Sam was staying, and as they stepped out of the car, Sam threw Dean’s bag to him and asked him to follow. 

 

Dean followed Sam inside the motel room under the looming stifling silence. In the room were a dining table, a closet, and a drawer with a TV on top of it. There was a door that Dean guessed lead to a bathroom. Dean was happy to see that there were two beds. It was awkward enough as it was, sharing the same space with Sam after what happened.

 

Dean sat on his bed and watched Sam unpack their stuff in silence and attended to the salt lines by the door and window. When Sam was done, he sat down on his bed opposite from Dean and looked at him. Dean couldn’t face his brother. He rose and walked over to the window, and standing there with his back to his brother, he gazed blankly out the window.

 

Sam opened his mouth. “Dean…”

 

“Sammy…” Dean started. “We can’t pretend that nothing happened. We can’t do this anymore. Everything has changed now. I blew it. We can never be brothers again. I am tired. I will crash here tonight, but the first thing tomorrow morning I will leave, alone.”

 

“Dean, please! Don’t leave!”

 

“I have to.”

 

“No, please! Just hear me out. That’s all I ask. Then if you want to leave, you can.”

 

Dean turned around and looked at his brother. Sam was still sitting on the bed, looking down. Apparently he couldn’t look Dean in the face.

 

“Back at the hospital, you opened your heart to me. I… I’m sorry I ran. I just couldn’t handle what you told me… because I… love you too.”

 

“You mean, you love me like a brother,” Dean said.

 

“No, Dean. I am in love with you. I have been for a long time, since before I went to Stanford actually.” 

 

“But I asked Joanna Mills. She told me that you didn’t have those kind of feelings for me, Dean said.”

 

“She lied, obviously. She told me the same about you. I guess that if we entered a relationship she wouldn’t be able to sell books anymore. That day when she told me that you didn’t love me back, was the worst day of my life. Because you see, I’d been sexually attracted to you for a long time, and before I left for Stanford I realized I was in love with you.

 

It scared the hell out of me too. It was far from normal. I realized that I had to leave, or else things might happen. Our hunting lifestyle and that fight with Dad was a good reason for me to leave, but the main reason for me leaving was that I loved you. 

I needed to go far away from you, even if it broke my heart. If I did, I thought I might forget you and have a normal life with a girl. I think I succeeded too. 

I found Jessica. I really loved her. I could see a future with her. But I still loved you so much more than I would ever love her. I got that confirmed the night you came to get me. Everything I felt for you came back in an instant. Do you remember Constance Welch?” 

 

“The woman in white? How could I forget?” Dean said. 

 

“She murdered men because they were unfaithful, right? Being so close to you again affected me so much. You were more gorgeous than ever. In my mind I was unfaithful to Jessica. That was why Constance Welch attacked me. 

I remember that I told her that I wasn’t unfaithful. She said, “You will be.” She knew that it was only a matter of time before I would love you physically too. 

I was in a very difficult situation. I loved every moment with you, but I had a commitment to Jessica and I had a normal life in sight with that law school interview. It killed me to go back and leave you behind, but I had to.

After Jessica died, you were what kept me going, like I told you before, but I had to keep my feelings for you hidden. 

When you were dying with that heart condition, I was this close to telling you how I felt for you. I knew that I couldn’t deny my feelings for you anymore. I swore that if you survived, I would tell you. You can’t even imagine how devastated I was when the doctor said that you only had weeks left to live. 

I just had to save you, whatever it took, and then I found that faith healer. Then I got you as well as my cowardliness back. 

Living so close to you, I had to push away those feelings. How else was I supposed to go on? I tried to focus on thoughts of a normal life. That’s why I told you, I’d leave you when we found Dad.

After that car accident, you were dying once again. And all I could do was, sit by your side as you lay in that hospital bed. You looked so helpless. In that moment I actually told you that I loved you, that I was in love with you. But you didn’t hear me, did you?” 

 

“No, I didn’t.”

 

“After Dad died, you were completely on the edge. I knew how much you suffered, but you refused to open up to me, and that wasn’t the time to tell you. Then you finally opened up and told me what was bothering you. 

I remember us sitting on the hood of the Impala and you cried. In that moment, I wanted you so bad. I wanted to kiss you, and love you, and never let go of you, but I couldn’t. As usual I didn’t have the guts.”

 

Tears ran down on Sam’s cheeks. Dean was just staring. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

 

“When you told me that you might have to kill me if I turn evil, I knew that we could never be together,” Sam said. “There were times when I just wanted it over with. Like that night, at that inn, when I was drunk, and made you promise to kill me. Didn’t you realize that I tried to kiss you then?”

 

“No, I didn’t,” Dean said. “I didn’t think of it like that. I couldn’t allow myself. I just thought you were drunk.”

 

“I’ve wasted so much time,” Sam said. “When I died, and you made that deal to bring me back, I realized that maybe you felt the same way about me. You sacrificed everything for me and you would die and go to hell for me. 

I knew that if I was right about you and if you felt the same for me, we would be lovers. But it’d be way too painful for me, knowing that you lived on borrowed time. Now it was my turn to save you, but I couldn’t do that if I was so in love with you that I’d let your fate destroy me. I needed some distance from you just to be able to function. 

 

Then we ended up in jail and you were sentenced to death. When I was about to visit you in death row I was determined to tell you, because that was the last time I’d see you before your execution. I couldn’t let you die without knowing how I felt. But when I was about to tell you the COs dragged me away. About what Burns did to me…” 

 

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop it,” Dean interrupted with a weak voice filled with guilt.

 

“But you did. You stopped him from raping me. What Burns did to me was an act of violence. I’m okay now. I have dealt with it and I couldn’t let him destroy my sexual attraction for you. 

 

Sure I was a mess when we got out of prison. I had trouble sleeping at first but it helped having you so close. Slowly things got back to normal but I had to keep my head straight and not get too emotional involved if I’d be able to save you from your deal. I was determined to save you, but I was so afraid of losing you.

 

I was really walking on the edge the whole last year. Sometimes it got too much, like when I killed the crossroads demon. Not to mention when that girl made us kiss. Despite the stupid girl it was the best moment of my life, but it screwed up everything. Afterwards I was a mess.

 

After all, I really don’t think it would have made such a big difference if we had been lovers or not because I was walking a fine line anyway.

You know that God forsaken Tuesday when you died over and over again? Watching you die was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Even though that day started over and over again, I never got used to you dying. It was just as painful every time. 

Those minutes between you dying and my waking up again were pure agony. I wanted to die too. Every time I prayed that the day would start over again, and it did. Then there was the time when you died in the parking lot and I didn’t wake up. 

I mourned you for six months, but the grief never passed. I was dying too. All that kept me going was finding the trickster to bring you back, so the day could start over again. You know in a few of those Tuesdays, I actually told you I loved you.”

 

“I don’t remember,” Dean said. He took a couple of steps closer to Sam until he stood right in front of him

 

“No, you couldn’t have, since I guess it wasn’t real, and the slate was wiped clean when the day started over again.

The other scenario was that if I told you, you would run away screaming. And if you did, I’d never be able to save you.

When the last day of your life arrived, I blamed myself for not finding a way to get you out of the deal. And the most terrifying moment of my life was when that hellhound ripped you to pieces.”

 

Now Sam cried, wept as if the tears couldn’t be held in any longer. Dean touched him gently on his cheek.

 

“No more words,” Dean said and kissed him. It was a rough, deep and passionate kiss. Neither of them wanted to let go. 

 

Lost in each other, they lost their balance and Dean fell on top of Sam on Sam’s bed. They never broke apart though, still kissing roughly. Dean’s hands were all over Sam. Sam’s hands were under Dean’s T-shirt, feeling his body heat and bare skin. They rolled over until Sam was on top of Dean. He could feel Dean’s erection through his jeans. 

 

Sam was harder than he’d ever been before. He started to unbutton Dean’s jeans. Dean let go of Sam’s mouth.

 

“No… wait… we can’t go any further. Not yet,” Dean said and tried to push away Sam’s fingers. “We must talk about this first,” Dean said.

 

“You don’t used to be a talker, besides I want to do this,” Sam said and once again tried to unbutton Dean’s jeans. 

 

“Sammy. This is way too important. We’ll do this soon enough, but we need to talk… I really need… a shower.”

 

Dean got out of Sam’s firm grip and disappeared into the bathroom. While Dean was in there, Sam felt his dick leaking pre-cum like a fountain. He needed to jerk off. It didn’t take much, a few strokes and he came right over his hand.

 

Dean stood in the shower just as bone hard as Sam, and tried to muffle his moans when he came. 

 

Dean came out from the bathroom fully dressed. Sam was lying on the bed, with his eyes closed. Dean lay down beside him, and Sam opened his eyes.

 

“Are you still gonna leave?” Sam asked.

 

“I am not going anywhere. What you told me changed everything. But Sam, why did you run away from me at the hospital when I told you?”

 

“I panicked. What you told me was a dream come true and that scared the hell out of me. This was huge. I was so nervous that I was shaking and I was about to crap my pants. I just couldn’t handle it. I am sorry if you thought that you scared me away. I just needed time to deal with it.”

 

“This is new for me too, Sammy. I should have told you long time ago. I should have realized that you felt the same for me long time ago. Even the fans of the Supernatural-novels knew it.”

 

“When we found Wincest on the internet,” Sam said. “I almost fainted. And when you read that sex scene for me I actually came in my pants.”

 

“You did? That was pretty hot wasn’t it and maybe we should act out that scene in real life.” Dean said seductively. He could see the horny looks Sam gave him and he added.

 

“But mot today. Let’s just take it slow, okay?”

 

Dean closed his eyes. A moment later, he was asleep with Sam by his side. It was a peaceful sleep, blessed rest that he hadn’t had for a very long time.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

The next morning Dean woke up next to Sam. Sam was cuddling Dean in his sleep. Dean felt safe for the first time in a long time, while having Sam so close. It was a wonderful way to wake up. Although he really had to pee and he wanted to hit the shower as well, and he carefully got out of Sam’s hug. 

 

When Dean came out of the bathroom stark naked, Sam was fully dressed and was talking on the phone. He saw how Sam looked at him wide-eyed. Although Sam had seen him naked many times, he almost forgot that everything had changed between them the last days. He got dressed very quickly.

 

“Who was on the phone?” Dean asked.

 

“Bobby. Erica arrived. Bobby has already begun her training. He said she’s a good student but a bit quiet, but she will be ready in a couple of days,” Sam said.

 

“Good.”

 

“It’s just that she’d said she’d come and say goodbye before she left. But she went straight to Bobby’s.”

 

“I’m sure that’s nothing to worry about. So, where are we going next?”

 

“I figured we could stay here a couple of days, and chill out for a while.”

 

“Come on, man. That sounds really boring.”

 

“Dean. You’ve just got your legs back. In case you don’t remember you were also dying. At least let’s take it easy for a while and let me play nurse.”

 

“I like the sound of that,” Dean said with a mischievous smile.

 

“Don’t get any ideas,” Sam said and threw a pillow at him.

 

They hung out for a couple of days and tried to connect as friends and brothers again, and in spite of the life altering moments, or perhaps because of them, they were even more comfortable around each other.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

A couple of days later, Dean came back to their room with a bag of take out. Sam was talking in his cell phone. Dean put the food on the table as Sam hung up.

 

“You’re always talking on the phone when I turn my back on you. You have a lover I don’t know about?”

 

“Yeah of course,” Sam said sarcastically. “Missouri has been my secret girlfriend for years. An overweight 50-year-old woman has always been my secret sexual fantasy.”

 

“Missouri? You were talking to Missouri Mosley?”

 

“Yeah, there’s so much I don’t know about my psychic powers. She thinks she can help. We should go to Lawrence.”

 

“What? Right to the lion’s den? Lilith, demons and Black Storm? Does it ring a bell?”

 

“Of course,” Sam said. “That is the other reason why we should go. Erica will soon have infiltrated Black Storm. She can help us to find a way to destroy Lilith. Pack your bags. We’re leaving.” 

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Dean enjoyed being on the road again, driving his baby. He never thought that he’d do that again. And best of all, everything seemed well between him and Sam. 

 

For now, he felt that he had no trouble in the world. They didn’t talk much. Sam was drinking a soda and enjoying the views. Eventually, Dean broke the silence.

 

“So. How many guys have you slept with?”

 

And the soda was squirting out of Sam’s nose. Dean laughed. Sam tried to find some napkins in the glove compartment to wipe his face and hands.

 

“That was not funny,” Sam said. “I even got soda on the upholstery.”

 

“It was totally worth it,” Dean laughed.

 

“You first!” Sam said. “How many guys have you slept with?”

 

“A few,” Dean said.

 

“What? When?”

 

“Once in a while during the years.”

 

“Even in the last three years during our road trip?”

 

“Yeah, especially during the last three years. Most of the time it was women, but sometimes it was guys. I am a sophisticated man, you know!”

 

Sam looked very surprised.

 

“We’ve been together 24/7 for three years and you never told me you were into guys!”

 

“Well, you never asked,” Dean said.

 

“You’re my brother. How could I even ask you that?”

 

“Good point,” Dean said.

 

They were both quiet for a couple of minutes, and then Sam asked, “Have you ever… you know… taken it in…?”

 

“Do you mean if I have ever taken it in the ass?”

 

Sam was blushing.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“A few times, yes. What about you, Sammy?”

 

“No…but I wanted to.”

 

“Sammy. Have you ever slept with a guy?”

 

“No,” Sam said. “I wanted to, but I never had the guts. I was looking for a normal life, remember? With a girl! And being with guys was not *normal*. I guess I was kidding myself all along. But once I…

 

“What?”

 

“Never mind. I swore that I’d never tell you. It’s too embarrassing.”

 

“Come on, Sammy.”

 

“No way. You’re just gonna laugh.”

 

“No I won’t. I swear.”

 

“You swear?”

 

“Across my heart,” Dean said with a serious look on his face.

 

“I…once bought a…dildo and used it on myself,” Sam said grumpy seeing the amused expression on Dean’s face. He regretted disclosing this secret to Dean the moment he said it.

 

“When?” Dean asked, trying to muffle his laugh.

 

“When we were in Fitchburg, Wisconsin hunting that shtriga.”

 

Then Dean started to laugh hysterically. He laughed so hard that he got tears in his eyes.

 

“What are you laughing at? Not long ago I watched you being cavity searched in jail.”

 

Dean stopped laughing immediately. 

 

“Don’t go there, Sammy. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.”

 

“For me too. I was cavity searched too with you watching, remember?”

 

“How could I not remember.” Dean said

 

“But…”

 

“But what?” Dean asked.

 

“It was…kind of…hot too, watching that CO penetrating your ass.”

 

“You are kinky, Sammy, I like this” Dean laughed.

 

“Shut up, Dean”

 

“Seriously. I agree. No matter how embarrassing it was it actually was kind of hot. I actually got hard. I could feel your eyes on my ass when I was searched.”

 

“I’ve been staring at your ass since I was 15”, Sam said quietly.

 

“You have? We should do something about that,” Dean said with a mischievous smile.

 

“Dean!”

 

They were both quiet for a while. Dean kept throwing horny glances at his brother. After another mile he opened his mouth.

 

“So…what was the dildo like?”

 

“Shut up,” Sam said.

 

They where both quiet again for a couple of minutes, but this time it was Sam who couldn't resist throwing horny glances at Dean. Eventually Sam couldn't resist asking:

 

“What is it like? … Taking the real thing… you know.”

 

“You’ll find out soon enough, Sammy.” Dean smiled with that mischievous smile again. Sam was very quiet. After a couple of more minutes Sam said, “You know I have been thinking.”

 

“No… Really?”

 

“Yes. I try to think at least once a day. Anyway, you were right. We should talk about this before anything… happens.”

 

“Happens? What would happen?” Dean tried to keep from laughing when he saw the way Sam blushed.

 

“Stop screwing around!” Sam snapped. “You know what I’m saying. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I am sure that I want to do it, when you are ready.” 

 

“I thought about it too… a lot. Hell, every waking moment really.” 

 

Do you consider yourself gay?” Sam asked.

 

“I don’t consider myself anything. I don’t like to put labels on anybody, including myself. I’ve been with a lot of women, maybe because that was much easier, but the most satisfying sex has been with guys. It probably makes me gay. I don’t know and I don’t care. Not anymore.”

 

“Did you do it with Michael Riley?”

 

“Actually, yes. You were on the outside and I was in jail. I never thought that I would see you again, and I made it very clear to him that I was in love with someone else…you. And it didn’t take him long to figure that out. He accepted it. He urged me to tell you because he knew that you and I belong together. You know, we’ve been so damn attracted to each other all this time without knowing how the other one felt. 

We’ve wasted so much time. For the first time in ages, I feel great. I’m alive. I can walk again. I am driving this car. I have no death sentence hanging over me anymore and I’m happily in love with you.” 

 

“You know,” Sam said, “I love you too. But the world would want us sent to hell for what we feel for each other. And maybe we will.”

 

“Sam, I have news for you. There is no hell. It is just a creation by religions to control people.”

 

“How do you know?” Sam asked.

 

“Mom told me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Recently I was on the other side, Sam. Mom said that she needed to contact me.”

 

“What was it like?” Sam looked amazed.

 

“For starters, there was no dancing dwarf.”

 

Dean told Sam everything about what Mary had said. Sam was amazed, but also relieved.

 

A few hours later, they were tired and hungry. They saw the “Twin Pines. Cabins for rental” sign, and they left the main road to drive on a small and curvy road in an ancient forest. After about a mile, they found the place. There was one main building with the reception, and at a distance, they could see some beautiful cabins in the woods. 

 

They parked the car and went into the office. The receptionist was a bearded old man wearing a flannel shirt. 

 

“We’d like to rent a cabin,” Sam said.

 

“Just the two of you? One king, right?”

 

“No, two single beds. This is my brother John,” Sam said.

 

“Oh sorry. You looked like a couple. Anyway, cabin number 13 is available. It’s a beautiful place, just by the lake. How long will you be staying?”

 

“Two weeks,” Dean said.

 

Sam looked at him with large eyes. Dean gave his fake credit card to the receptionist. 

 

“Okay Mr. Shiban. Have a nice stay.”

 

They drove uphill to a small timber cabin in the middle of the woods. Inside there was a dining table, a small kitchenette and a small bedroom with two beds and an attached bathroom. Sam looked out through the window. There was a spectacular view of the lake. Dean started to unpack.

 

“Why’d you say we’re staying for two weeks?” Sam asked.

 

“Because we are,” Dean said. “There’s no hurry to get to Lawrence. Missouri can wait and Erica hasn’t even infiltrated Black Storm yet. Besides, we really need to relax, spend some quality time together, and enjoy each other’s company, now when we are… what we are.”

 

“You never stop to amaze me,” Sam said and started to kiss Dean. 

 

“Well, I am full of surprises. I’m also something else.”

 

“What?”

 

“Hungry!”

 

Dean went to the small village a couple of miles away to buy food, while Sam attended to the usual protections and salt lines.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

After dinner, Sam stood in the kitchenette washing the dishes. Dean was sitting on the small couch lazing. He couldn’t take his eyes away from Sam.

 

“I can feel it,” Sam said.

 

“What?”

 

“I can feel your eyes. You’re staring at my ass, aren’t you?”

 

“What if I am?” Dean asked.

 

“Like you said, maybe we should do something about that.”

 

Sam jumped Dean on the couch. His mouth glued to Dean’s, Sam’s right hand was caressing the inside of Dean’s thigh. His hand moved upward and was on Dean’s crotch. Sam could feel the warmth from Dean’s hard dick through his jeans. Dean’s right hand was in Sam’s hair and the other was squeezing his ass. Then Sam fell off the couch.

 

“Ow!” Sam said. “I think the couch is a bit restricted. Let’s go to the bed.”

 

“I thought you’d never ask,” Dean said.

 

Sam started to undress Dean, starting with his shirt.

 

“This is a nice shirt but it looks so much better on the floor.” Dean’s T-shirt soon ended up on the floor and the two boys ended up on Sam’s bed. They continued to kiss. Sam was the best thing Dean had ever tasted. 

 

Sam almost ripped off his own T-shirt. They were grinding their crotches against each other, and Dean started gently to unbutton Sam’s jeans. It was so far the most erotic moment of Sam’s life. For each button opened, he got more excited and his breath got heavier. 

 

Then finally Dean pulled Sam’s jeans and shorts down in one swift move and his member found freedom. Jeez, Dean thought. He had never seen his brother’s cock erect before. It was huge. The sight of Sam’s cock heavy and erect almost made Dean come in his pants.

 

He touched it gently making Sam shiver. Then Dean took it in his mouth. Sam felt wet heat engulf his member. The sensation was amazing, and he moaned and writhed. Watching Sam lose control, Dean had to get out of his pants to ease the pressure. He let go of Sam’s cock for a moment and nearly tore off his jeans and shorts in his hurry. 

 

Sam noticed Dean was leaking pre-cum all over the sheet. He touched Dean’s cock and smeared the pre-cum all over the shaft. The sensation of Sam’s gentle fingers on him was amazing. He was about to come right there, but he didn’t want to. Not yet.

 

“Please, Sammy. I’ll… if you don’t…!” Dean’s breath intensified. But Sam removed his fingers, and Dean managed to hold it. Dean took Sam’s dick in his mouth once again, and Sam moaned again with pleasure. 

 

He was making sounds Dean never heard from him before. Dean let go of Sam’s cock with a loud pop, and started licking Sam’s balls. Dean’s fingers gently explored the sensitive area under Sam’s balls. Sam shivered when the fingers got further back and gently brushed his sensitive entrance.

 

“Dean,” Sam said, panting. “I want you inside me, now.”

 

“Sammy.” Dean stopped what he was doing. “It may hurt. You’ve never even done this before. Not the real thing anyway. I have. Maybe you should do me.”

 

“That’s okay,” Sam panted. “It won’t hurt. I trust you, Dean. Do it!” 

 

“All right, but we’ll take this slow and gentle. Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” Dean returned a moment later with a small tube of lube in his hands. 

 

“I thought that it might come to this.”

 

“You bought that today?” Sam asked.

 

“I’m like a Boy Scout, you know. Always prepared!” Dean said with a sly grin.

 

Sam heard the small click of the cap echoing in the silent cabin. He held his breath in anticipation when he felt something cold against his anus. He felt how Dean smeared the lube on his entrance and gently inserted a finger, bit by bit. Dean could feel how Sam’s muscles immediately clenched down around his finger. He held it still.

 

“All right?” Dean asked.

 

“Yeah,” Sam said. “It feels so good.”

 

Dean held his finger very still. Sam kept clenching down around it. He started to moan.

 

“It actually feels really good,” he panted. “Please move your finger. I want to feel the friction.”

 

“Not yet,” Dean said. He wanted to tease his brother until he begged for it. Sam started to groan even more, and then Dean gently started to move the finger. A deep moan escaped Sam’s throat. Dean kept moving his finger until he touched that spot inside his brother. Sam was letting out a guttural growl.

 

“Dean! That felt amazing. What… do that again.”

 

“That’s your prostate. It’s something else, isn’t it?”

 

Dean inserted a second finger and after a while a third. He slid them in and out, scissoring to stretch Sam as much as he could. Meeting no resistance, and Sam’s deepening groans indicated that he was ready. Dean once again rubbed Sam’s prostate.

 

“Dean! I’m gonna come.” Dean removed his fingers before Sam lost it. Seeing Sam so excited made Dean almost come on the spot. He spread Sam’s legs even more and let Sam’s feet rest on his shoulders. He squirted a lot of lube on his cock and put it against Sam’s entrance. He gently pushed in just a little bit. Sam gasped.

 

“Are you all right?” Dean said. “Does it hurt?”

 

“Actually, no. Doesn’t hurt at all,” Sam said. “You’re good at this.”

 

Dean pushed in a bit more, and his head passed Sam’s sphincter. Sam let out a loud groan.

 

“That feels amazing,” Sam said. “You’re so big. I knew that this would feel good, but I never thought that this could feel so good”.

 

Dean felt like he was in pure heaven. He’d wanted to do this for so many years. Finally he was doing it. He could feel Sam’s heat engulfing his cock. The sensation was incredible. He started to move slowly.

 

It felt so good for Sam that he started to whimper. Sam gently stroked his own cock while Dean fucked him. Dean was panting. Sam squeezed his muscles experimentally, making Dean groan. Dean tried to angle himself, fucking gently, needing to make it as good for Sam as possible. 

 

He hit Sam’s prostate over and over. Sam made sounds that Dean never even thought was possible. Sam almost cried. 

 

“Dean… can’t… hold it… Aaaahhh!” 

 

Dean looked Sam in the eyes when Sam came. Sam’s cock was ejaculating like a fountain. 

 

His cum hit Dean in the face. Seeing Sam in such ecstasy was too much. Dean came hard inside of Sam. Sam felt the heat spreading in him. He looked Sam in the eyes when he came. Afterwards, they were both panting. 

 

Dean tasted Sam’s cum that was squirted in his face. They couldn’t let go of each other’s gaze. Dean gently slid out of Sam, and on him. They lay like that for almost an hour. They didn’t need words. They were as connected as two people could be, living in different bodies. 

 

“That was amazing. That was the best sex I’ve ever had. I love you, Dean,” Sam said.

 

“I love you too, Sammy. And it was the best sex ever for me as well. At least so far.”

 

“I think we better hit the shower before we get glued together,” Sam said and laughed.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Lawrence, Kansas

 

Andrea Boyer was ready to go to bed. She had spent the entire day at the police station trying to get them to reopen the Morris case. But the police still claimed it was suicide. She lay in her bed, holding a framed photograph of Stanley in her hands. He was laughing in the picture. He seemed so happy.

 

She cried gently, put the photograph back on her nightstand and turned off the light.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

In another part of town, there was a light in a window although it was the middle of the night. Ariel was kneeling by an altar where two black candles burned. Between them was a bowl containing a picture of Andrea Boyer. Ariel held a wriggling snake in her hands that she placed in the bowl, and started chanting.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Andrea felt funny. She felt feverish and was sweating. She turned on the light and saw the snakes crawling all over the bed. She screamed and ran out of bed as fast as she could, and kept running. She ran out in the street barefoot and in T-shirt and sweatpants. Then she felt a sharp pain.

 

Two darts had hit her. Two very muscular men wearing masks grabbed her before everything went black.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

An evil smile spread on Ariel’s face. She knew her work had succeeded. She blew out the black candles. Took a black leather jacket and walked out. It was a warm summer night, and there was only a light breeze. The streets were silent as she walked a couple of blocks. When she rounded a corner, someone grabbed her from behind.

 

A rag soaked with chloroform was pressed against her mouth. She felt dizzy and didn’t see Bobby’s face before she dropped to the ground. Bobby carried her to his van a block away. Inside the van he tied her up and then drove off.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

“Welcome to Ricki Lake. Today we’ll have some very special guests who are practicing incest, having a sexual relationship with their brothers or sisters.” The crowd was yelling. 

 

“Our first guest is Sam Winchester,” Ricki said. “A 26-year-old law school student from Kansas. So, Sam Winchester! You are having sexual intercourse with your brother Dean. Don’t you think there’s anything wrong with that?”

 

“Well. Incest is best!” Sam said and laughed. The crowd booed.

 

“Let’s bring out his brother.” Dean entered the door, and the crowd continued booing. Dean had never felt so small. He took his seat in a chair next to Sam.

 

Ricki looked to Sam. “Sam, tell me. What is it about your brother Dean that is so special?”

 

“First,” Sam said. “He’s amazing in bed. He has this technique… well, I can’t talk about that on TV, but it drives me wild.”

 

“Dean, you’re the big brother, right? How long have you been attracted to your brother?” 

 

“Um…” Dean was blushing once again. He couldn’t get out a word.

 

“Someone in the audience will ask a question now.”

 

Ricki Lake went over to a young girl with the microphone.

 

“I have something to say to Dean,” the young girl said. “Screwing your brother is disgusting. You should stop doing that and settle down with a girl.”

 

“Actually,” Ricki said. “Outside that door is a girl waiting, who has been carrying a torch for Dean. Let’s bring out Jo Harvelle.”

 

The audience cheered, and Dean started to hyperventilate.

 

Jo came in through the door and went straight to Dean.

 

“You’re disgusting, you filthy worm. I was in love with you, but you wanted to doink your brother all along. I hate you. I’m going to kill you!!!” She started to hit him. Then…

 

Dean woke up with Sam by his side. Dean was gasping for air. Sam woke up. 

 

“You all right?” Sam asked.

 

“Just a nightmare.” Dean said.

 

“So, what was it?”

 

“A very unpleasant combination of dinosaurs and dwarfs. Go back to sleep.”


	4. Chapter 4  Soul Mates Part 2

Bobby carried Ariel into a deserted building. She woke up and it didn’t take long for her to discover that her hands and feet were tied up. Bobby stood in front of her as she regained conscious.

 

She started laughing, even as Bobby looked furious. 

 

“So you think you are gonna kill me, aren’t you?” she laughed. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m human. You can squirt as much holy water on me as you want, it won’t change a thing. I’m not possessed.”

 

“I am still gonna kill you” Bobby said.

 

“Oh please! You don’t have the guts. Bobby, right? You’re one of those hunters with a heart like a soft-boiled egg. This would be murder. You wouldn’t sink so low would you?” she laughed.

 

“You are no human, even though you are flesh and blood. You are as evil as it gets. You must be stopped, at any cost. I can assure you that I will kill you.”

 

“You filthy hunter,” Ariel snapped. “I have powerful friends that will rip your heart out, put in on a stick and eat it for breakfast.”

 

“Sounds like you’ve been in bad company for a long time. You even sound like a demon.” Bobby pulled out a machete. 

 

“You can’t kill me. If you do, I will be even more powerful, and Mother Superior and I will make your dear Winchester brothers suffer so much, they would wish they’d never been born.”

 

“You bitch,” Bobby said. “You’ll now get what you deserve.”

 

“Drop that blade,” a voice came from behind him.

 

Erica was standing behind him with a gun in her hand. Before he had a chance to react, Erica shot him in the leg. He dropped to the floor in agony, and the machete fell from his hand. Erica shot him in the other leg, and as he screamed in pain, Erica took away the machete. Ariel looked at Erica with large eyes.

 

“Who are you?” Ariel asked.

 

“I’m Erica Adler. I was a nurse at the hospital where Dean Winchester ended up. A demon that possessed me tried to kill Dean. It failed, and I’m here to finish the job. 

 

When that demon possessed me, I learned the truth. I know everything, and I’m here to join you. I learned that those who serve her would be awarded. I have the Winchesters’ trust. I can get them for you and for her.”

 

Erica turned to Bobby. “I can’t believe how the three of you fell for innocent *nurse Adler*. I should get an Oscar for best acting in a hospital farce.”

 

Bobby looked very pale. He couldn’t believe this. He had trained her so thoroughly. Maybe her self-hypnosis where going out of hand. He’d even given her weapon training, but he’d never thought it would be used against him.

 

“I know something you don’t know,” Erica said to Bobby with a mischievous grin on her face. “Your dear beloved stepsons are not what they appear to be. My guess is that right now they’re fucking like rabbits.”

 

“I don’t believe it,” Bobby said in complete shock.

 

“I assure you it’s true. I saw them kissing. Sam had his tongue in Dean’s mouth. By now another part of Sam is inside another opening of Dean’s. Disgusting! Isn’t it, Bobby? Don’t look so surprised. Didn’t you know that their brotherly love would lead to incest? Well, I guess you know now.”

 

Erica untied Ariel’s ropes. She rose to her feet and stood next to Erica.

 

“How did you find me?” Ariel asked.

 

“I had a vision. I feel connected to your group. Get out of here. I’ll find you. Go, I’ll take care of him.”

 

Ariel ran away. Erica pointed the gun at Bobby’s chest. She grinned viciously, and then the gun went off.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

The next morning Dean was sitting in the sunshine by the small dock by the lake. It was a beautiful summer morning. It was warm in the sun and the wind was sighing in the ancient trees. A couple of minutes later, Sam arrived with a basket containing sandwiches. They ate without talking, enjoying the silence.

 

Dean’s cell phone rang.

 

“Bobby!” Dean said. “Are you all right? How did it go last night?”

 

“I’m at the hospital in Lawrence,” Bobby said.

 

“What? What happened?”

 

“Erica shot me in both legs. Other than that, it worked like a charm. She was just supposed to shoot me in the chest. I had a bulletproof vest, you know, but I guess it looked more convincing shooting me in the legs as well. 

 

I’ll be out of here soon, but I’ll be out of commission for a while, so I’m going home. These legs aren’t good for any hunting right now. Dean, you should’ve seen her. She was amazing. She scared the crap out of me. In that moment I actually thought that she had turned. It was the best acting performance I’ve ever seen. But she did say something that bothers me.”

 

“What?” Dean looked worried.

 

“Never mind. It can’t be true. It was way too crazy for that. I guess it just increased her credibility. But you boys will have to come here to finish this job. 

Like I said I am going home. Can’t be much use right now. There’s no hurry though. It’ll take at least two weeks for Erica to settle down in Black Storm and gain their confidence.”

 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Dean said. “We’ll stay put here for a couple weeks. You know where to reach us.”

 

Dean told Sam what Bobby said. They spent the rest of the day hiking in the woods, skinny-dipping in the lake, and just hanging out, relaxing in the sunshine.

 

Later that afternoon, they sat on the dock with their feet in the warm water.

 

“Are we doing the right thing here?” Dean said. “I mean… with us. If the world ever found out…”

 

“No one will find out,” Sam said and hugged him. “Are you having second thoughts?”

 

“No,” Dean said. “This is a dream come true. I don’t regret anything, but the world will never understand. We’ve committed incest, which is illegal in every state. We could go to jail…again”

 

Sam sighed. “It wasn’t that long ago you were sitting locked up in death row waiting to be executed. It can’t be worse than that. And since when do you care what people think?”

 

“I guess you’re right,” Dean said and kissed Sam. “I just don’t want to end up being a bad talk-show topic. I guess I am more screwed up than I realized.”

 

“No, Dean. We are both screwed up. But sometimes I feel that you and I are the only sane ones in a crazy world. And who we fuck is nobody’s business but ours, as long no one gets hurt.”

 

“Actually, making love to you felt right. Nothing in my entire life has felt more right than this.”

 

“I know,” Sam said. “It’s the same for me too. You know, when Meg possessed me, she had access to all of my thoughts. She must’ve known how I felt about you. I was so afraid that she would blurt it out to mess with your head, but she didn’t. I wonder why?”

 

“Maybe because she knew I felt the same way. If it got out in the open, we would be even closer. Maybe she didn’t want to risk that,” Dean said.

 

“Maybe. I guess we’ll never know.” Sam looked Dean deep in his eyes and couldn’t help but kiss Dean really passionately again.

 

Finally, Dean broke the kiss. “I’m gonna have sore lips tomorrow!”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Later that night, Dean stood on the porch of the cabin, looking out towards the woods. It was a warm summer night. The trees were making black silhouettes against the dark blue sky. The pale moon was reflected in the lake, making it look like there were two moons out tonight. He could see thousands of stars and sense the intense smell of the forest. 

 

A moment later, he heard footsteps behind him. Sam came out of the cabin with two cups of hot chocolate in his hands. Together they drank the chocolate in silence, listening to the sounds of the crickets. Sam stood close enough that Dean could feel his body heat. He’d never been so happy in his life. He almost got tears in his eyes from the perfection of his life at that moment. And then Sam said, “Let’s go to bed.”

 

They went into the cabin and into the small bedroom. There was a candle burning on the bedside tables and the dresser. They’d moved the two queen-sized beds together, creating one large bed. And caught in the moment, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They ended up on the bed kissing, hands all over each other. Sam’s hands were in Dean’s hair, then on his back and then, one hand ended up on his ass. Sam squeezed and dipped his fingers into Dean’s cleft. 

 

Dean moaned. “Oh Sammy!”

 

Sam’s breath was heavy. “I wanna fuck you,” Sam whispered in Dean’s ear. “I want you to feel the way I felt last night. I want to make it as good for you as you made it for me.”

 

“Yeah… do it,” Dean panted. Thinking about where this was going, made Dean rock hard. They undressed quickly until they were both naked. Sam could see his brother’s beautiful body in the gentle candlelight and the pale blue moonlight from the window. 

 

He’d never looked more beautiful. Sam kissed Dean, plunging his tongue into Dean’s mouth. He broke away and went down to Dean’s neck, lower still, he licked his stomach and then took a nipple in his mouth. Dean closed his eyes and growled.

 

Sam kept licking below Dean’s stomach but avoided his rock hard cock, even as Dean wanted nothing more than to feel Sam’s mouth engulf him. Dean whimpered. “Sammy… please…,” he begged. And Sam took Dean’s cock in his mouth. 

 

The sensation was unbelievable, making Dean shiver. Sam started sucking and jacking him off. “Sammy… if you don’t stop, I’m gonna come.” Sam quickly let go of his cock. “Roll over,” he said to Dean.

 

Dean did what he was asked to do. Sam saw his brother lying flat on his stomach. He admired the well-shaped ass that had driven him crazy for so many years. Sam grabbed the lube from the nightstand. Sam dribbled a few drops onto Dean’s crack. Dean could feel the cold liquid sink down to his hole. 

 

Sam coated a finger with lube and parted Dean’s cheeks. Dean’s breath went heavier in anticipation. Then Sam pushed with a finger. It slid right in. Dean gasped and clenched down around it. Sam had long fingers, and the sensation was incredible. Sam held still just the way Dean had for him. 

 

Dean couldn’t help clenching down on Sam’s finger over and over. He moaned. Sam couldn’t believe how incredibly hot this was. He wanted to make Dean moan even more.

 

He wriggled his finger, searching for Dean’s prostate. He knew he found it, when Dean groaned loud and sexy. He let his finger rest against Dean’s prostate for a while. Dean moaned and moved, he lifted his hips trying to get Sam’s long finger go deeper.

 

Dean’s cock was leaking so much pre-come, it had made a small pool under him. Then Sam moved his finger in and out, and without pausing, added a second finger. Dean knew he was ready, ready for his brother’s large cock inside of him. 

 

But Sam ignored Dean’s urgent moaning and added a third finger. When his fingers slid in and out without resistance, Sam removed the fingers. Dean whimpered. He wanted those fingers, he wanted to get fucked, right the fuck now. It felt so good. “Turn over,” Sam said. Dean obeyed. He lay on his back, and Sam lifted his legs to his shoulders, settling between Dean’s open legs. Sam coated his cock with more lube. 

 

He put his rock hard cock against Dean’s entrance, and started pushing in gently, bit by bit. Dean opened for him. Dean groaned at the perfection of feeling his brother inside him for the first time. 

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked. “Tell me if it hurts. I don’t want it to hurt.”

 

“No. It doesn’t hurt. It feels amazing, Sammy. Where’d you learn this so well?”

 

“I had a great teacher. I knew big brothers were useful for something.”

 

“That’s what big brothers are for,” Dean smirked. But he gasped a moment later, when Sam sank in all the way. The sensation was amazing for both of them.

 

Sam couldn’t believe he was doing it. He had wanted this for so long. And now his cock was deep inside his brother’s ass. He could feel how Dean clenched around it, like he couldn’t, wouldn’t let go.

 

Sam started moving, and he knew what heaven was. Dean could feel Sam’s cock inside him, moving in and out, hitting his prostate on every stroke. He bit his lip so he wouldn’t scream. 

 

Sam varied the speed, so Dean wouldn’t know what to expect. For a while he fucked him slow and gentle, and then made it hard and fast, constantly hitting Dean’s prostate. 

 

And then Sam couldn’t hold it anymore. He yelled as he pumped his hot come into Dean’s ass. Dean could feel the warmth filling him, and everything just became too much for him. He came hard without even touching his cock. It was the most powerful orgasm he’d ever had. For a moment he thought it would never end. Sam held his cock inside Dean for a while and then gently slid out.

 

“That was amazing,” Dean said panting. “Fucking incredible.”

 

“I’m not sure,” Sam said.

 

“What?” Dean looked worried. “Wasn’t it good for you?”

 

“I just can’t decide,” Sam said.

 

“Decide what?”

 

“I can’t decide what’s best – being top or bottom. I think I like them both equally.”

 

Dean laughed and hit Sam in the face with a pillow.

 

“If sex with you will be this incredible every time, I’m a dead man,“ Sam laughed. “I’ll have a heart attack before I am 30.” 

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Andrea Boyer woke up. She couldn’t move. She was lying on the floor. She saw the dim light coming from the black candles at the altar. She knew where she was. She knew that she would suffer the same fate as her beloved boyfriend Stanley. She wanted to scream but she couldn’t. She knew that there was no use. She started to cry.

 

A door opened and a lot of people stepped inside with strange clothes and Masques.

 

Ariel took off her masque. 

 

“Why are you doing this?” Andrea yelled.

 

“You know why we are doing this,” Ariel said. “If you had let go of your boyfriend, none of this would have happened. You’ve caused us a lot of trouble and now it’s time to pay the price. A new sister is among us. Step forward!”

 

Erica stepped forward and took off the masque. Andrea stared at them. 

 

“Here!” Ariel said and gave Erica a large knife. “This is your rebirth ritual. There is no birth without pain. After this you will be one of us forever. You know what to do.”

 

Erica stepped forward with the knife in her hand. Andrea started to scream. “Please. Don’t do it.” Erica didn’t seem to hear her. She looked at Andrea with dead cold eyes. She raised the knife. Andrea screamed. 

 

“STOP!” Ariel yelled, just as Erica was about to plunge the knife through Andrea’s heart. Erica lowered the knife. Ariel went over to Erica, patted her on the shoulder and said, “Congratulations. You passed the test. You are one of us now.” Erica turned around to face Ariel. In a monotone voice, she asked, “But why didn’t you let me kill her? I wanted to.”

 

“I know,” Ariel said with a big smile. “That’s the point. Anyway, Lilith doesn’t demand a blood sacrifice for the time being.”

 

Andrea sobbed gently in complete shock.

 

“Anyway, we’ll kill the bitch soon enough. Take her to the dungeon.” Two men grabbed Andrea and pulled her away. 

 

They opened a steel door and went inside a room that looked like a stone cellar. They shackled Andrea to the wall and left her there in complete darkness. Erica could hear the panicked woman scream – “Nooooo. Don’t leave me in here!” – before the steel door closed on her and everything went silent.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Dean woke up with Sam in his arms. The sun was shining through the curtains. He could hear the birds chirping and the wind sighing in the trees. He could even smell the forest.

 

Sam was still asleep. Dean couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Another beautiful day with Sam was rising. He wanted to stay here forever. He was completely happy.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

During the two weeks that followed, Dean enjoyed every moment in Sam’s company. Sometimes he lay awake at night, just watching Sam sleep. What he didn’t know at first was that sometimes when Dean slept, Sam did the same. 

 

Dean had been so close to death before, but now everything was alright, and they were truly happy together. Sometimes Dean was scared when he woke up and saw Sam staring at him, a moment like that usually ended up with them making love.

 

They spent a lot of their time making love, usually twice a day. Sometimes they even did it in the shower afterwards. When they weren’t making love, they spent a lot of time in the sunlight by the lake. A couple of rainy days and some evenings they spend playing cards, usually strip poker that always ended up with sex, sex and more sex. 

 

They hiked a lot too. Some days they walked for miles in the woods, finding more beautiful places one after the other. After a long walk in the woods, they came back hungry. Sam cooked. He wasn’t a great chef, but his meals were at least edible. Dean’s skills around food were mainly in the area of eating.

 

The two weeks went by fast. The last night, they sat at the dock, drinking beer, watching the sun set over the forest. There was a warm summer breeze. The sky was pink.

 

“It was amazing,” Sam said.

 

“What? The sunset?”

 

“No. Us. Being together like this.”

 

“These two weeks have been the happiest time of my life,” Dean said and looked at Sam.

 

“I wish that it never had to end,” Sam said.

 

“It doesn’t have to,” Dean said.

 

“What are you talking about? We have a job to do. Have you forgotten about Lilith?”

 

“No, I haven’t,” Dean replied. “But aren’t you tired of the job?”

 

“Of course I’m tired of the job. But we have a responsibility. Erica thinks I’m the key to Lilith’s destruction, remember? Besides, you’re a hunter. How many times have you said that that’s who you are?”

 

“Everything’s different now,” Dean said. “All this time, I devoted my life to save as many people as I could. I never cared about myself. I never thought that I was worth something. You’ve changed all of that, Sammy. 

I know I told you once how tired I am of this job. It’s only given us bad luck. And it’s crazy to risk our lives each day, when the only thing I want is to be alive and well with you by my side.”

 

“Dean…”

 

“It’s a miracle that we are both alive, after everything we’ve been through. I’ve never been scared of fighting demons, vampires and other nightmarish things, but I was terrified of telling or showing you how I felt about you. I was so afraid of pushing you away. I can’t believe that it took me three years to tell you.”

 

“That goes for both of us.”

 

“God, Sammy! We’ve wasted so much time.”

 

“But the job?”

 

“All right. We’ll see this through. When this war is over, I want to give up hunting. I want to settle down with you.”

 

“We could get a place of our own in the woods, maybe like this.” Sam said.

 

Dean got tears in his eyes.

 

“I don’t know what to say besides that it would work for me. But I thought you wanted a normal life with wife and kids.”

 

“Not anymore,” Sam said. “All I care about is you.”

 

“I’d love for the two of us to have a house in a beautiful place like this. I could even make a white picket fence,” Dean said and laughed.

 

“And we could have a cocker spaniel.” 

 

“You just said *cock*,” Dean laughed.

 

“Jerk.” Sam said.

 

“I love you too, Sammy. Remember what you said about me doing research for other hunters? I like that idea. We could stay home, continuing with the business without risking our lives every day.”

 

“Sounds like a plan.” Sam said. “Know what else I think you should do?”

 

“What?”

 

“Open a garage. I don’t know anyone who is as skilled with cars and engines as you are.” Sam said.

 

“Well I guess my baby would love that.”

 

“Who?… Me?” Sam asked confused.

 

“No. The Impala, you dumbass!”

 

“Jerk.” Sam said.

 

“I know,” Dean said. “You know what? Let’s do it!”

 

“Yeah,” Sam said and they smashed their beer cans together.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

The next day, they were on the road again and reached Lawrence by evening. They checked into a motel. The receptionist was a young woman.

 

“Two queens?”

 

“No. Actually, we’d like a king,” Dean said.

 

Sam looked amazed.

 

“Oh, sorry! I thought the two of you were brothers or something.”

 

“No. We actually got married last month.” Sam said.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

When they’d unpacked their stuff and taken care of the salt lines, they both ended up on the king-sized bed, side by side. They were both pretty tired after the long journey.

 

“Married, huh? I kind of like the sound of that,” Dean said.

 

“I thought that you’d be angry.”

 

“Naah.” Dean said. “Come to think of it, if we keep our mouth shut, no one will ever find out we’re brothers. We could pass for any young gay couple. You know there are a lot of them all over the world.”

 

“But we have the same last name,” Sam said.

 

“Well, like you said, we’re married. *Dean and Sam Winchester*. I like the sound of that.”

 

“It sounds almost as good as *Sam and Dean Winchester*,” Sam laughed.

 

Sam hit the shower, washing away the road dust. When he came out, Dean had just received a message on his cell.

 

“Message from Erica,” Dean said. “She has important information for us, and will be able to sneak out for a couple of hours. She’ll be here shortly.”

 

Half an hour later, Erica knocked on their door. Dean answered 

 

“Nice to see you,” Dean whispered. “Good that you could come.” 

 

Dean let her inside. Sam stood up and hugged her and Dean sat down on the bed. 

 

“It’s good to see you,” Sam said.

 

“I have astonishing news,” Erica said. “This is huge.”

 

“What?” Sam said. He looked worried. 

 

“The two of you are complete fools,” Erica said and pulled out a gun. Dean tried to reach his gun at the nightstand, but Erica fired a shot very close to Dean.

 

“Jeez,” Dean said.

 

“Don’t even think about it. What’s the matter, Sam? You look a bit pale.”

 

“Erica!” Sam said. He looked completely shocked. “Why are you doing this? I trusted you.”

 

“Well, Sam. You shouldn’t trust a woman like me. Not after what you did to me.”

 

Dean looked confused.

 

“You slept with her. Didn’t you?”

 

“No. I didn’t. I swear, although I think that’s the problem.”

 

“So you didn’t sleep with her? That’s even worse. You should have, or else we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

 

“Is it about that, Erica? That I rejected you?”

 

“Didn’t you see that I loved you?” Erica asked.

 

“Is this how you love?” Sam retorted.

 

“Hell hath no fury,” Erica said.

 

“Listen Erica,” Sam tried to remain calm. “You can’t do this. You are a very attractive girl. You will find someone else.”

 

“I saw you.”

 

“What?” Sam looked very confused.

 

“I saw you, the two of you kissing.”

 

“Oh my God!” Dean said.

 

“Exactly. Pervert!” Erica said.

 

“I suppose that the two of you are screwing each other. That’s disgusting. I know that it’s also illegal. I can put the two of you in jail,” Erica laughed.

 

“That would be amusing. Wouldn’t it Sammy? You watching while your brother is gang raped. Or maybe it would be you being raped, and that brother of yours being forced to watch. I’d like that.”

 

“Then pick up the phone. Call the police and have us arrested,” Sam said.

 

“That would spoil all the fun that I have planned for the two of you.”

 

“Oh my God!” Sam said. “You are one of them. You have gone over to their side. You must fight this evil inside you. Remember what I told you? You have to be in absolute balance. There is good in you, Erica. I can feel it. Don’t do this. You can reach the goodness of you heart.”

 

“There is no good or evil. There is just power. I have seen the light. I know the truth now.”

 

She pulled out another gun from her pocket with her left hand and shot Dean in his left leg with a dart.

 

“Aaaaghh… you bitch,” Dean yelled in pain. She shot another dart in Dean’s chest. He fell on the bed.

 

“Don’t hurt him, or I swear I…”

 

“You what?” Erica said pointing the guns at Sam. “Are you gonna use your powers and kill me? Think again. You wouldn’t because I’m human. You’re way too soft for murder. Now when the third wheel is out, there’s just you and me, Sammy. Just the way it should be.”

 

“What are you gonna do? Force me to sleep with you? You gonna rape me?” Sam asked angrily.

 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Sammy!” Erica said. “It’s way too late for that.”

 

Then she shot a tranquilizer dart in Sam’s chest. He gasped in pain and started feeling dizzy.

 

“I’m sorry it had to come to this, Sammy!” Erica said with a smile.

 

“It’s Sam,” he said through gritted teeth before he blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5  Fire Power

Sam slowly started to wake up. His hands and feet were tied up and he couldn’t move. He felt extremely dizzy. He could still feel the sting from the puncture wound in his chest. His shirt was unbuttoned. 

 

He tried to absorb the surroundings. He was in some kind of temple, no doubt. He could see the altar with black candles burning, between them laid a skull. It was a temple of death he figured.

 

He turned his head to the left. Dean was lying beside him, still unconscious. Dean’s shirt was also unbuttoned. Symbols were drawn on Dean’s chest in gold paint. He could even see the puncture wound on Dean’s chest. 

 

It could only mean one thing. They were in the headquarters of Black Storm and were supposed to be killed, sacrificed. 

 

At Dean’s left side was a woman. Sam could see her face. He had seen her face before, but he couldn’t seem to remember where. She seemed to be conscious. She moaned very gently. She seemed to be scared to death. Tears were falling from her eyes.

 

Then Dean made a moaning sound as well. He started to wake up. “Dean?” Sam said. “Are you all right? How do you feel?” 

 

“My head is killing me. I feel so dizzy. Where are we?” Dean opened his eyes and looked at the surroundings. “Uh oh. This can’t be good.”

 

Then Sam suddenly recognized the girl. “I know you,” he said to her.

 

Dean had just discovered the girl.

 

“I saw your picture in the newspaper.”

 

“Really?” she said between sobs and looked up.

 

Your name is…What was it? Amanda… Andrea…?

 

“Andrea Boyer,” she said.

 

“Your boyfriend died. The police suspected suicide, and dropped the case, but you wouldn’t let go of it. You suspected some ritual murder. That was how we got the whiff of this in the first place. Dean? Do you remember? I read the article for you at the hospital.”

 

“Good to know I’m famous.” She tried to smile a little.

 

“Who are you guys?”

 

“I’m Sam Winchester. This is my… um… Dean. We’ll try to rescue you.”

 

“But the two of you are both tied to the floor. No offence, but this is a crappy rescue.”

 

“I am working on it” Sam said through gritted teeth and pulled his rope, but there was no use.

 

“Sam. Do it now! Use your powers! They can come in here any second, then we can say sayonara.”

 

Sam was trying to focus the energy. “I am trying, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I guess the tranquilizer is blocking my powers.”

 

“Great.” Dean said. “Now is not the time having performance anxiety.”

 

The door opened. A woman with thick black hair came into the room followed by Erica, who didn’t show any expression on her face. There was a group of people following them. They were all wearing masques.

 

“Sam and Dean,” Ariel said. “It’s a pleasure finally having the two of you in my grasp. I have heard a lot about you. Welcome to your final destination. I could stand here and gloat all day long. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to play. We should get to business. Here…” she said, giving a knife and a bowl to Erica.

 

“You know what to do.”

 

Erica went up to Dean. He was squirming. Sam got very nervous, tried to fight to get lose, but there was no use. “If you hurt him, I swear I am going to kill you.”

 

Erica’s face remained expressionless. She took the knife, pressed the razor sharp blade against Dean’s arm. It sank through the skin with no resistance. Dean groaned in pain. “You bitch!” he said through gritted teeth. He could feel the blood flowing along his arm. 

 

Erica let the blood run into the bowl, then handed the bowl to Ariel. “Excellent!” Ariel said. “This will work beautifully.” 

 

“You really are a drooling witch, aren’t you?” Dean said.

 

Ariel gave him a spiteful look and turned to the group. “Erica, Rebecca! Come with me! We have work to do.” The two named members of the group disappeared through the door. 

 

Ariel was about to leave when she turned around and said, “Adriana! Kill them, and start with the tough guy. Make it slow. Make sure that he stays conscious enough to feel every cut.”

 

Ariel left and shut the door behind her. The girl with the red hair took the knife in her hand. She went up to Dean. 

 

“Nooo… Don’t…” Sam screamed.

 

“How should I start?” Adriana said to herself. “You have a lot of scars on your chest. A hellhound wasn’t it? Maybe I should start with cutting them out.”

 

Then Dean screamed in agony, while Adriana slowly started to cut his chest. Sam was about to panic and screamed “Nooooooo” at the top of his lungs. 

 

Suddenly he could feel the familiar warmth inside. He tried to focus the energy in his head. His head felt ready to burst. Then a flash of lightning shot out of Sam’s forehead and hit Adriana in her chest. A shower of sparks exploded from her.

 

Her knife dropped to the floor. She looked completely stunned before her lifeless body dropped to the floor as well.

 

Sam just couldn’t stop what he was doing. It was like his powers had gotten a life of their own, getting their energy from the rage within him. Flash after flash shot out of him hitting the other members of the group. It looked like fireworks were radiating from their bodies. White and blue sparks were raining everywhere in the room. One by one lifeless bodies dropped to the floor. 

 

One of the members of the group tore off his masque, and tried to escape. Sam finally managed to control the power within him. “Hold it!” he yelled.

 

The man stopped. “You!” Sam said. “If you want to live, then take that knife and free the girl. If you do that, I will spare your life.” The blonde haired man went up to Andrea and cut through her ropes and dropped the knife.

 

“Back off,” Sam yelled to the man. The man took a few steps backwards and stood against the wall. Andrea rose to her feet, took the bloody knife and cut through Sam’s ropes. While Andrea was cutting Dean loose, Sam ran to the other side of the room. 

 

He bent down over a body tried to feel a pulse. There was none. He went to another body, and tried to feel the pulse. They were all dead. Panic started to rise within him as he realized he had killed them all. 

 

Andrea saw through the corner of her eye as the blonde haired man stepped forward and aimed at Sam with a gun. She threw the knife she held in her hand with full force. It lodged deep in the man’s back. He dropped to the floor.

 

It took a moment for Sam to realize what had happened. Then he ran to Andrea.

 

“You saved my life.”

 

“And you saved mine,” Andrea said. She hugged Sam with tears in her eyes. Dean rose to his feet with great effort, grunting in pain. His arm was still bleeding. Suddenly, Sam’s eyes rolled back and he dropped to the floor. Dean was with him in an instant. 

 

Sam opened his eyes. “What happened?” Sam asked.

 

“You fainted,” Dean said. “My God, you’re bleeding.” 

 

Sam had a nosebleed. He could taste the blood in his mouth. 

 

“My head is killing me,” he said and threw up on the floor. Dean patted his back. “It’s all right. We’re getting out of here.” 

 

Sam was so dizzy he almost couldn’t stand. Dean and Andrea held his arms and helped him to his feet.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

The three of them arrived at Andrea’s apartment. It was early in the morning. Dean and Andrea helped Sam to her couch. He fell asleep before his head hit the pillow. “Thanks for your help,” Dean said. “You saved his life.”

 

“He saved mine,” Andrea said. “I would have been dead by now, if it wasn’t for the two of you. Listen, I’m not sure if we are safe here. I remember that I ran out on the street after being attacked by snakes in my bed.”

 

“It sounds like a voodoo spell or some curse. I should check your bedroom.”

 

“No. Your wounds…”

 

“They can wait,” Dean said and entered the bedroom. There were no sign of snakes. He checked her nightstand very thoroughly and checked under her bed. There he found the hex-bag. Dean put it in the kitchen sink and lit a match. A moment later they both watched the hex bag disappear in blue flames. 

 

“Your bedroom should be safe now.”

 

“Thanks, she said. “Now let me tend to your wounds”. 

 

Andrea started to clean Dean’s wounds with peroxide. He hissed from the pain. She started talking to distract Dean from the pain.

 

“So how long have the two of you been together?” she asked Dean. 

 

“How did you know?”

 

“You have that honeymoon look in your eyes.”

 

“No, I don’t,” Dean said. “Well… okay, maybe I do.” 

 

“I know what a man in love looks like. I could see it in Sam’s eyes as well. And the way he looked at you. So how long?”

 

She was taking out bandages from the first aid kit and started to wrap Dean’s cuts

 

“Just a couple of weeks. But we have been best friends forever. How are you holding up?”

 

“I don’t know,” she said. “For know, I am just happy being alive. I guess the shock will come in later. I was kidnapped two weeks ago, I think. Most of the time, I was locked in a dark cellar. They gave me small portions of food. They obviously wanted to keep me alive for their ritual. They let me out a couple of times a day for using the bathroom.”

 

“Let me make you a cup of tea,” Dean said. “It might help you relax a little.”

 

Dean made the tea. Sam was in a deep sleep on the couch. Dean and Andrea sat down to drink the tea.

 

“You know,” Andrea said. “I won’t be able to stay here. Not after what happened. You said you found… a…?”

 

“Hex-bag,” Dean said.

 

“Yeah… under my bed. They know where I live. I will go to my parents in Leavenworth tomorrow, and I will move away from here as soon as possible. God! My parents must be worried sick. I should call them.”

 

“What are you gonna tell them? And what are you gonna tell the police?” Dean looked worried.

 

“Don’t worry. I won’t implicate the two of you. You saved my life. I owe you everything. I’ll tell them everything about the cult. I will make them realize that Stanley’s death wasn’t suicide, but I won’t say anything about who rescued me. 

 

I’ll tell them that I don’t remember. That I was unconscious. When I woke up, there were dead bodies all around. But I will implicate that bitch Ariel. I hope they catch her and that she rots in jail for everything she did.” 

 

After Andrea’s phone call, Dean asked her to try to relax and get some sleep. Sam was still out like a light. Andrea lay down to sleep on the other couch next to Sam’s. She wasn’t able to sleep in her bed for obvious reasons.

 

Meanwhile, Dean had work to do. 

 

He fetched the Impala and all their things from the motel. Since that was the place where Erica had attacked them, they wouldn’t be safe there from Black Storm. He checked them into another motel. 

 

He got some take out on the way back to Andrea’s apartment. Andrea woke up when Dean knocked at the door, and she almost jumped out of her skin.

 

“Who is it?” she asked with panic in her voice.

 

“It is just me, Dean.”

 

She opened the door and let him inside. Sam was still in a heavy sleep. Dean tried to wake him gently. “How are you sleepyhead?”

 

“My head hurts,” Sam said with a groan.

 

“Is it really bad?”

 

“No. It feels better than before.”

 

“Are you hungry? I brought some food.”

 

“Actually yeah,” Sam said. “I think I could eat some.”

 

They ate with good appetite, even Sam. He started to feel better when he got food in his stomach. The headache seemed to subside. Andrea thought that the food tasted heavenly. It was the first decent meal she had had in weeks.

 

When Sam and Dean were about to leave, Andrea said, “Thank you. I will never forget what you have done for me.” She hugged them both. They exchanged phone numbers and promised that they would stay in touch.

 

 

*************************************************************************** 

 

 

They got to the motel Dean had checked both of them into earlier. It was afternoon, but Sam went straight to bed. He had never been so tired in his entire life. Dean was a bit worried. He put his hand on Sam’s forehead, but Sam didn’t seem to have any fever as far as he could tell. 

 

Dean tried to think of something else and turned on the news. What they had been through last night was all over the news. There were pictures from inside the room where he, Sam and Andrea had been tied up. 

 

A female reporter was standing in the room, looking into the camera.

 

“…The police are still very silent of what they think has happened here. The information they have shared with us so far is this: This place has been used for ritual murder. 

 

“They have even found a link to the murder of Stanley Morris that we reported about a couple of weeks ago. The police estimate that a Satan-worshipping cult is behind this. They even seem to be behind the disappearance of Andrea Boyer, the girlfriend of the murdered Stanley Morris. 

 

“She has been found unharmed. She was the prisoner of this cult, but managed to escape. She has been too distraught to leave a statement. What puzzles the police is that the bodies that have been found seem to be members of the cult. They seem to be victims of some kind of electrocution. Electricians are checking the electricity for any disturbances that could have caused this scenario.”

 

Dean turned off the TV. He just couldn’t concentrate. He could lie for hours beside Sam, just watching him sleep.

 

Sam slept 24 hours straight, except for going to the bathroom when nature called.

The next afternoon Dean found Sam wide-awake after returning with take-outs. 

 

“How’s your head?” Dean asked.

 

“Except for that my brain feels like it had been frozen for millions of years, I feel fine. The headache is gone.”

 

“Good. How about some food?”

 

They ate in silence. Dean was glad to see that Sam had a great appetite. The rest of the evening they just rested and tried to relax and watch television. Neither of them seemed to be able to concentrate on the movie they were watching. 

 

The movie was about a teenaged boy who got strange messages from a human-sized bunny, that the world would come to an end.

 

Somehow, their lives seemed much more screwed up than what any science fiction writer could imagine.

 

“I killed them,” Sam said. “I killed them all. How can you even look at me? I’m a monster.”

 

“No, Sam. You saved my life. You saved Andrea’s life. They were evil sons of bitches. As bad as it gets.”

 

“Still, they were human beings.”

 

“You did what you had to do. Or else I would be dead by now.”

 

“Yeah, but still.”

 

“Sam, remember what I said, about me being able to see peoples souls. You are as good as it gets. Don’t ever believe anything else.”

 

“But these powers. They are really dangerous. Now I have found out that I can not only use them to exorcise demons, I can also use them to kill. I have to find out everything I can about them. I am going to see Missouri first thing tomorrow morning. Dean, I am really scared.”

 

“Don’t be. I’ll be here for you, always.”

 

Dean kissed him.

 

“I love you, Dean.”

 

“I love you too, Sammy.”

 

“Dean…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“This could have ended really badly. They were about to kill you. I couldn’t stand losing you. We can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. We should get out of here tomorrow and leave all of this behind, start a new life. Just the two of us, together. Just like we said.”

 

“But what about the job? What about Lilith?”

 

“Screw the job,” Sam said. “We had a mole inside. She failed. She even tried to kill us. Now we don’t even have a plan. I can’t take on the responsibility of saving the world all by myself or any other crap I have heard recently. All I can do for the world is to take care of the one that I love. Let’s get out of here tomorrow. Let’s start over and leave all of this behind us.”

 

“Well, you don’t have to ask me twice,” Dean said and kissed him. 

 

They made love again, both thinking how close they had come to death.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Ariel and Erica were in a dark room. The only light came from a fireplace. Erica was sitting on a chair by a table. The bowl containing Dean’s blood was in front of her. She was watching Ariel with great interest. Ariel was holding something in her hand.

 

“The plan is working perfectly,” Ariel said with a vicious grin.

 

“But I don’t understand,” Erica said. “We suffered a major defeat last night, most of our people died.”

 

“That was the beauty of it,” Ariel smiled. “You see, it was all part of the plan Lilith designed for us. This was a test. A test of Sam Winchester’s powers. It was very successful. He is indeed as powerful as we expected.”

 

“You mean, you sacrificed all your friends, including your right hand girl, Adriana, for testing Sam’s powers?”

 

“Without a moment’s hesitation. They have served their purpose. They died for a greater cause. Now it is the time for part two of the final solution of the Winchester problem.”

 

Erica took a syringe. She put the syringe into the bowl and drew up Dean’s blood in the syringe. She handed the syringe to Ariel.

 

Ariel held a small doll made of fabrics. She mumbled something and injected the blood into the doll. A mischievous grin spread on her face.

 

“Excellent,” she said. 

 

 

*************************************************************************** 

 

The next morning Sam was getting dressed to head out to see Missouri Mosley. Dean was still in bed.

 

“Get dressed,” Sam said. “We should get going.”

 

“No, you go,” Dean said. “I don’t feel very well. It’s just the flu. I guess. You know, feverish, headache… Oh… God…”

 

Dean ran into the bathroom and threw up. A couple of minutes later he came out. Sam looked very worried. 

 

“Maybe I should stay.”

 

“Nah, you should go,” Dean said. “I just need some rest. I’ll be fine in no time.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

“Sam!” Missouri Mosley said. “It’s been so long, I had forgotten how tall you are. Please, come in.”

 

Sam followed her into her kitchen. They sat down by her kitchen table. 

 

“Oh Sam!” she said. “I can sense that you are very worried. You are having a great energy inside you. Your powers have developed tremendously during the last two years. I also sense something else. You are in love!”

 

“Yeah,” Sam smiled. “But I can’t talk about that.”

 

“You should know by now that you can talk to me about anything. You don’t need any words. I know all about it. It’s your brother Dean isn’t it?”

 

“Oh my God!” Sam said. “You know?”

 

“Of course I know. What did you think? I knew the first time you and Dean came here, to cleanse your old house. I saw the way the two of you looked at each other. I was wondering when the two of you would have the guts to admit how much you wanted each other.”

 

“So, you don’t think it is wrong?”

 

“Sam, listen to me very carefully. Love is never wrong and certainly not the strong feelings the two of you have for each other. What is wrong with the world today is the lack of love and compassion. And you do know that Dean loves you as much as you love him.”

 

“Yeah. I do know that. Anyway, the reason why I am here is because of…”

 

“Your powers,” Missouri said. “You have used them lately. It was all over the news.”

 

“Doesn’t that make me a monster? I killed.”

 

“Sam, honey. You’re a soldier. You are a ray of light in the darkness. I’m not the right person to help you with this. But I know someone who is.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Your father.”

 

Sam looked completely shocked. He was at a loss for words. 

 

“I can help you contact him. He was a good friend of mine. I have powers of my own, you know. But you really need to concentrate. You will have to concentrate with me. Now, take my hands and close your eyes, clear your mind and concentrate on your breathing.”

 

Missouri took his hands in hers. They breathed together in deep concentration. Sam started to feel like he was in trance. Then there was a bright light in the room. He opened his eyes. Missouri seemed to be in trance but Sam was aware of the room. He turned around and saw John Winchester sitting in a chair. John looked the same although he was luminous.

 

“Dad!” Sam said. He got tears in his eyes. “I can’t believe it’s you.”

 

“It is me, son.”

 

“How is this possible?” Sam almost couldn’t speak.

 

“Let’s just say that Missouri is a remarkable woman. Sammy, I’m sorry. I was completely wrong about you.”

 

“About what?”

 

“Asking Dean to kill you if you ever turned evil. I was completely wrong. I have realized that you will never turn evil no matter what kind of powers you possess.”

 

“Dad, you don’t understand. I can use them to kill.”

 

“I know son. But that is not the problem. I hate to tell you this. I really do. You used your powers in self-defense and for saving others. That’s perfectly all right. I know for a fact that you will never use them against innocent people.”

 

“Then what’s the problem?” Sam was almost afraid to ask.

 

“You are not a danger to other people. You are only a danger to yourself. You must have realized by now the price you pay for using your powers. If you continue to do so, you will kill yourself.”

 

“Alright, then I’ll stop using them. Dean and me have fought this war before without powers. We could still defeat Lilith. We have this special knife…”

 

“No, my son. You still don’t understand. Evil is taking over the world more and more. Lilith’s powers are getting stronger by the minute. The only thing she is afraid of is you. You have already seen the damage your powers have done. You are the only one who has the power to destroy her. But you will die doing it. There is no other way.” 

 

Sam felt dizzy. He felt like he had been struck by lightning. 

 

“So that is my destiny?”

 

“Not necessarily. The fate is not set. Not completely. But the facts remain. The world is about to end. You can prevent it, but it will cost you your life. Ultimately, the decision has to be yours.”

 

John disappeared. The light was gone, and Missouri woke up from her trance.

 

“I am so sorry, honey. I really am. I didn’t know,” Missouri said and patted Sam’s cheek.

 

Sam cried. He was devastated.

 

“I don’t know what to do. Why does it have to be like this? Why me? I was supposed to have a new life with Dean. We got a new chance. I love him so much. I don’t want to die.” 

 

Missouri hugged him. Sam cried in her arms. He couldn’t stop.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

When Sam drove the way back to the motel he tried to get a grip of himself. He didn’t want to tell Dean about this.

 

Sam entered the door to their room. Dean was still in bed.

 

“Dean! How are you feeling?”

 

“Sam, something is very wrong with me!”

 

Sam laid his hand on Dean’s forehead.

 

“My God! You are burning up.”

 

Sam got some pills and a glass of water to Dean.

 

“Here, take these. They will kill the fever.”

 

Dean took the pills.

 

“Sam, I’m freezing.”

 

“You have the shivers. It is because of the fever.”

 

Sam soaked a piece of cloth in cold water and put it on Dean’s forehead. 

 

Dean slept a shallow sleep. Sam didn’t even want to know what he dreamt about. Why was this happening? Wasn’t it bad enough that Sam’s days were numbered and that he and Dean never could have a life together? 

 

An hour later, Dean opened his eyes. Sam removed the cloth and laid his hand on Dean’s forehead once again. He was still burning. 

 

“Dean, the pills are not helping. I can’t kill the fever. I should take you to the hospital.”

 

“No. Sam, please! No more hospital, Sam… It has been fun. I just wished that we had more time.”

 

“Dean please! You are not gonna die. I’ll take care of this.”

 

Sam didn’t want to show Dean how much he feared for Dean’s life. He must be strong for Dean. He had to think this through. Maybe it was because of Dean’s wounds. Maybe they had gotten infected. He started to change Dean’s bandages, but the wounds seemed to have healed just fine.

 

Dean woke up. He shivered so much that he could barely speak. “S… s… s…Sam, w…w…wh…what a…are…you…do…ing?

 

“I’m just changing your bandages. Don’t worry. Try to rest.”

 

Then Sam saw a strange red mark on Dean’s upper arm. It looked like a rash. It was in the form of a circle with a triangle inside it. Sam touched the mark gently, and Dean screamed in pain.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Sam said. He was terrified. 

 

Now he knew that this wasn’t just the flu. Maybe it was some kind of curse. He looked everywhere for a hex-bag, but he couldn’t find one. He didn’t know what to do. Dean might die right before his eyes. He needed help. He called Bobby.

 

“It’s me. You’ve got to help me. Dean is sick. He might even die. He has some kind of strange painful rash on his arm. I don’t know what to do.”

 

Sam described Dean’s symptoms and what the mark looked like. Bobby promised to do some research and get back to him.

 

Sam sat by Dean’s bed. Dean was awake now and then.

 

“Sammy…” Dean said.

 

“Shh… Don’t try to talk. You will come through. Try to drink this.”

 

Sam put the glass of water to Dean’s lips. Dean managed a couple of sips, then fell asleep again. 

 

An hour later Bobby called.

 

“I know what this is,” Bobby said on the phone. “It’s voodoo. When you were captured, you mentioned, they took Dean’s blood, right? Using the blood from the victim is the most evil and deadly form of voodoo.”

 

“Oh God!”

 

“There has to be a voodoo-doll somewhere. I’m afraid the only chance to save Dean is finding the doll and destroying it,” Bobby said.

 

“Destroy it how?”

 

“By burning it.”

 

“Won’t that kill Dean?”

 

“No. That is the only way to destroy the doll without hurting Dean.”

 

“How much time have I got?” 

 

“It says here that death appears about 15 hours after the first symptoms have occurred. What time was that?”

 

“About 8 AM. Bobby. There is no time. There is only three hours left. He is gonna die around 11. I have no idea where to start. That voodoo doll can be anywhere.”

 

Sam cried.

 

“I’m so sorry Sam. I love him too. I’ll continue the research. Don’t give up.”

 

Sam sat down by Dean’s bed. He held his hand. 

 

“I love you, Dean. I can’t let you die.”

 

Sam felt desperate. He had healed Dean before. It was worth a try. He took away Dean’s blanket, put his hands on Dean’s legs. He focused. He felt the healing energy come. 

 

He felt the energy flow through him over to Dean’s body. Sam felt the blood running from his nose. Once again he felt as if his head was about to explode. He continued until he couldn’t take the pain any longer. 

 

He lay down beside Dean, just hoping that the worst of the pain in his head would subside. Half an hour later, he felt better. He tried to examine Dean. Dean’s fever was just as high as before. The rash on his arm seemed to be even more swollen. It had failed. Dean’s breath got more and more shallow. He knew that Dean didn’t have much time left.

 

Then the phone rang. Sam answered very quickly. 

 

“Guess who this is?” a woman’s voice said.

 

The voice sounded so cold and vicious that he felt like he had been stabbed through the heart 

 

“Ariel.”

 

“If you want your brother to live, come to 21 Truman Street. 10:30 p.m. sharp,” Sam wrote down the address on a pad on the table. 

 

“You will surrender to us. Come alone. If you show up too early or try to use your powers, put up a fight, or if you bring someone, or call the authorities Dean will die on the spot. Is that clear?” 

 

“Yes. I’ll be there,” Sam said and ripped off the sheet with the address from the pad and put the piece of paper in his pocket.

 

He looked at his watch. 9 o’clock. One and a half-hour to go. He sat down by Dean. Once again he took Dean’s hand in his, listened to Dean’s shallow breathing. Sam cried. 

 

This was not what he had expected. He was supposed to sacrifice his life saving the world. But now he was about to sacrifice his life for his own brother. He had to choose between saving the world and saving Dean. He knew that he was expected to let Dean die to save the world. Somehow it was the right thing to do. But he just knew that he could never do that. Sam had made up his mind the same moment he had accepted to go to that address. 

 

“I will take care of this. You won’t die I promise.

You know, we’ve been on the road together for three years. We’ve been best friends forever, but my true life with you started two weeks ago. I haven’t loved you long enough. 

We were supposed to have a lifetime together as lovers. It wasn’t supposed to end so soon. I know I have to do this. There is no return. It just kills me that I will never see you again. 

If everything you told me about heaven is true, we will see each other again, someday. Don’t forget what we had. Don’t forget that I love you more than anything in the whole world.” 

 

Dean didn’t hear him. He was in a deep sleep. Sam just sat there staring at Dean’s face. He could sit there forever, because he knew that it was the last time he would ever see his face. He looked at his watch. 10 p.m. He hugged Dean. He never wanted to let go of him.

 

“I’ll see you in heaven, then we’ll be together forever.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Sam found the address easily. It was in a deserted building at the end of a dark alley. He had considered bringing Ruby’s knife, then he might have had a chance to save his own life, but he couldn’t endanger Dean’s life even more. It was a powerful weapon. If Dean survived this night, he could use it in the future. Sam entered the deserted building. For some reason, he wasn’t as afraid as he thought he would be.

 

There was no hope that he would survive this. He just walked through it. The only thing he prayed for was that Dean would be okay.

 

The room was completely empty. He continued to the next room. It was empty as well. He opened another door and went into a large room. There was a fireplace with a fire lit in it. He could see a black altar. Black candles were burning and a photograph of him stood between the candles.

 

He looked at the watch on his wrist and he saw that the time was 10:30 sharp. He heard a voice behind him. 

 

“You are a very courageous man. You must love your brother very much.”

 

Sam turned around. Ariel and Erica were standing there. Erica had ropes in her hands. 

 

“Let’s get this over with. The small talk is getting old,” Sam said.

 

“You are right. It is getting old,” Ariel said.

 

“I want to see the doll.” Sam said.

 

“No can do.” Ariel said. “It’s not here.”

 

“Where is it?”

 

“It’s with Rebecca in the other room.” 

 

“You know I could kill both of you right now.”

 

“Yes, you could,” Ariel said. “But at the least sign of disturbance in here and Rebecca will kill your precious lover. We will bring the doll, if you do what we tell you to do.”

 

“How do I know that I can trust you to not kill my brother?”

 

“You don’t. That is a chance you just have to take. Tie him up!”

 

Erica urged Sam to lie on the floor. He did what he was told. She tied up his hands and feet very thoroughly.

 

“Now,” Ariel said. “We have found a drug that can effectively block the part of you brain your powers are coming from. Erica, give him the injection!”

 

Erica pulled out a syringe from her pocket. She pulled off the cap. She was about to stab the needle in his arm when she put on the cap and put the syringe back into her pocket. Sam couldn’t see what she was doing. Neither could Ariel. 

 

She pulled out another syringe from her pocket and took of the cap. Right after, Sam felt a sharp sting when she stabbed him in the arm with the needle. She injected the clear liquid in his arm.

 

“Now the show can begin.” Ariel said.

 

Ariel and Erica kneeled by the altar. They chanted something in Latin. Outside, a thunderstorm broke loose. Lightning lit up the room over and over. 

 

The inhabitants of Lawrence had never seen a thunderstorm like it. But besides the thunderclouds, there was a different cloud that very few of them saw. The cloud was splitting up in 19 pillars of black smoke. 

 

The smoke invaded the streets. Smoke flew in through a ventilation shaft and was soon inside a house. The woman inside screamed while the black smoke invaded her body. The same scenario played out in different places all over the town.

 

Missouri Mosley saw the black smoke outside her window trying to get inside.

 

“Don’t you dare come in here,” she yelled in anger, waving with a broom. She went over to her fuse box. Pulled a switch and started the sprinkler system in the garden with holy water. The demon that encircled her house got drowned in the water. Missouri could even hear an echoing scream from the black smoke, before it flew away to another part of the town.

 

But every inhabitant of Lawrence wasn’t that lucky. It didn’t take long till the 19 demons had found a body to possess, although two of them were fighting over a policeman.

 

Soon 19 people from different parts of the town were walking the streets, on their way to 21 Truman Street. Their eyes were demonic black.

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

“Now the drug should have saturated his brain,” Ariel said.

 

“Erica, go and fetch the doll!”

 

A moment later Erica was back with Dean’s voodoo doll in her hand. Rebecca stood behind her by the entrance of the room.

 

“You see that,” Ariel said. “That doll is what will cost Dean his life.”

 

“No!” Sam yelled. He was in complete shock. He couldn’t believe how he could have been so stupid, leaving Dean all alone for this. Dean was about to die alone in a bed in a motel. The thought was killing him. “You promised that you wouldn’t let him die.”

 

“You know what, I lied,” Ariel said. “But since you were such a good boy and surrendered I will let your brother die quickly.”

 

“Nooo!” Sam yelled. 

 

Erica just stared at Ariel with the voodoo doll in her hand.

 

Ariel pulled out a knife. “Erica, give me the doll.”

 

“No,” Erica said.

 

“What?” Ariel looked stunned. “I said, give me the doll.”

 

“No,” Erica said once again. “You promised to release Dean.”

 

Erica ran with the doll in her hand against the fireplace. Ariel managed to jump her and tried to grab the doll away from Erica. They fought. Rebecca joined the fight and tried to get the doll away from Erica and she was just about to grab it when Erica threw the doll right into the fireplace. The doll disappeared in flames. 

 

“You bitch! I trusted you.” Ariel screamed, got hold of the knife and stabbed Erica in her chest.

 

“Sam, forgive me!” Erica said. Then she died on the floor.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Dean woke up in his bed, gasping. Suddenly everything of the illness had disappeared, and he felt perfectly all right.

 

“Sammy…” he said. He practically flew up from the bed, stumbled into his clothes. He grabbed a gun loaded with rock salt, as well as a normal gun. He even grabbed Ruby’s knife from the nightstand. He just knew that Sam was in big trouble. He picked up his cell phone and dialed Sam’s number. “Come on, please pick up the damn phone!” he said to himself. 

 

A moment later, he was startled when he heard the loud ringing of Sam’s phone in the same room. Dean felt the panic rise. Sam had left his phone behind. How was he ever going to find Sam? He ran over to Sam’s phone. There was a tiny pad beside the phone. One sheet had been ripped off. He could see the print from writing on the pad. It looked like Sam had written down something. 

 

Dean took the pencil and started to shade the pad. An address appeared. “21 Truman Street,” he mumbled to himself. “Where is that? I need some kind of map. The phonebook!” He searched the room for a phonebook. He found one in the top drawer of the nightstand. He ripped out the map section and ran out of the motel.

 

The Impala was missing. Dean ran to the first car he saw. He smashed the window and hotwired the car. 

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Demon possessed people started to enter the room. They made a half circle in front of Sam.

 

“Now, the guests have arrived. The party is on,” Ariel said, staring at Sam standing in front of the demon-possessed crowd.

 

“No wait. Our guest of honor is missing. Guess who that is?”

 

“Lilith,” Sam said through clenched teeth.

 

“That’s right. She’s got you exactly where she wants you. This is what’s gonna happen. She will pay us a little visit. She will possess me. Her army is in here. They will be linked to her, giving her extra power. 

Then she will possess you, take your powers, and then kill you from inside. You can look forward to a nice agonizing death. Oh wait! You can’t be possessed anymore. I almost forgot. Your little tattoo right?”

 

“Right,” Sam said.

 

“Rebecca! You know what to do.” 

 

Rebecca went to the fireplace and fetched a stick of iron. The tip was glowing. Now Sam was officially terrified. She put the iron against his tattoo. There was a sizzling sound, and Sam screamed at the top of his lungs. It was the worst pain he had experienced since he was tortured by Brutus.

 

He was about to faint from the pain, but managed to stay conscious. There was nothing left of the tattoo, just an angry red painful burn mark. 

 

The group started to chant. Ariel prepared to host Lilith. The thunder outside was making a deafening noise. After a while, thick black smoke entered the room and invaded Ariel’s body. Her eyes went white.

 

“Hi Sam. Nice to see you again,” Lilith said.

 

“Now you’ve got me,” Sam said. “Let’s get it over with.”

 

“With pleasure,” Lilith said.

 

Dean flung through the door. He was discouraged when he saw that the room was crowded with demons. He stabbed a man in police uniform with Ruby’s knife. Dean shot another man with the rock salt. Then an invisible force made him drop his weapons and nailed him to the wall. Eighteen demons, Rebecca, and the demon queen Lilith faced him. 

 

Lilith walked through the crowd up to Dean where he was nailed to the wall.

 

“Ah Dean,” Lilith said. “I had a contract on your life, still you managed to elude me. What a bonus! You should have stayed away. Oh right! You couldn’t because you are so in love with little Sammy over there. I have news for you. He’s about to die. I’ll be merciful. You will meet death together. I guess the cruelest thing would be letting one of you live. I’ll even make it quick.” She turned to Dean and was about to slit his throat, when Sam yelled. 

 

“Nooo!” Sam could feel the force within him bubbling up, stronger than ever. 

 

Lilith turned to Sam. Sam was aiming his full energy against Lilith. A flash of lightning shot across the room from Sam, hitting the Lilith-possessed Ariel. He didn’t care that his head was about to explode. Ariel’s body was trembling. Sam continued. The flash that hit Lilith was getting stronger and stronger. At the same time the other possessed bodies caught fire. The demons inside the burning bodies died one by one. 

 

A great shower of white sparks came out of Ariel’s body. The body caught fire. Sam could feel the taste of blood in his mouth, but he couldn’t stop what he was doing. Rebecca tried to run, but a flash of lightning hit her in the back. She too caught fire and dropped to the floor.

 

With one last effort, Sam pulled his full strength into the flash of lightning and Lilith started to sparkle and burn until Ariel’s body lay burning on the floor. There were burning bodies all over the room. 

 

The invisible force that nailed Dean to the wall was suddenly gone and he fell to the floor. The whole room was on fire. He ran to Sam and cut through his ropes. Blood was streaming from Sam’s nose. Dean lifted Sam in his arms and managed to run out from the house before the burning ceiling caved in.

 

While running, Dean felt like he was suddenly four again when John had said, “Take your brother outside as fast as you can. Don’t look back. Now Dean! Go!”

 

When they were outside, a safe distance from the burning building where Sam had parked the Impala, Dean’s feet gave away. He gently laid Sam down on the grass. He sat down and lifted Sam up in his arms.

 

Sam looked very pale. There was blood all over his face. Dean tried to wipe it off.

 

“Sammy. It’s over now. You were amazing.” 

 

“Dean!” Sam said with a weak voice.

 

“The war is over. Lilith and her demons are dead. We can start over now. The two of us together.”

 

“Dean, it’s too late.” He had trouble breathing.

 

“No, Sam.” Dean started to get tears in his eyes. “Our lives start now. We will be together always. I love you, Sam. Don’t leave me. God, please! Not this again.”

 

“I love you too. I always will, no matter where I go,” Sam said. “I never thought I would see your beautiful face again.”

 

“No, Sam. Listen to me. You’ll be fine. I’ll take care of you,” Dean said. He cried now.

 

“Promise not to try to bring me back. No good will come out of it.”

 

“Sammy…”

 

“Please promise me,” Sam said.

 

Dean nodded. His tears were soaking Sam’s shirt.

 

“Those two last weeks were the happiest of my life,” Sam said.

 

“Sammy,” Dean cried.

 

“I feel cold,” Sam said.

 

Dean took off his jacket and covered Sam with it.

 

“There,” Dean said. “Sam… Sammy!”

 

But there was no response.

 

“Nooo! This was not supposed to happen. Sam, don’t leave me, please!” 

 

But Sam never answered him.

 

“I love you, Sam,” Dean cried, never wanting to let go of his brother’s body.


	6. Chapter 6  Long Night's Journey

Dean held Sam’s lifeless body. Sam looked so pale, cold, and helpless. All Dean wanted to do was to give him comfort and safety. And tell him that everything would be all right.

 

But it would never be all right. Dean knew that. He didn’t know how he would survive this. He didn’t know where he got his strength from, or how it happened because the next few hours were a complete blur.

 

Finally, he found himself standing somewhere in the woods, standing in front of a pyre. He didn’t even know how he got the strength to build it.

 

Once again, he held Sam in his arms. He knew what he had to do. Sam was already gone, but he still couldn’t let go of him. It was early morning. The last 24 hours had felt like an eternity. 

 

He couldn’t believe that 24 hours ago, Sam was getting dressed for his visit to Missouri. He was alive and well, and full of life. But it turned out to be the last day of his life. What if Dean had known that Sam would die today? He would have savored every minute with Sam. Now it was too late. 

 

He remembered how sick he was when Sam had returned. How worried Sam was for him. How much he cared. He remembered Sam’s gentle touch. He remembered the fever. He felt like he was burning up, and he suffered so much. It killed him inside when he realized that his last intimate moment with Sam was just a blur.

 

It wasn’t hard to figure out that Black Storm had something to do with Dean’s fever. Then the illness just passed and Sam was in trouble. He played it over and over in his mind, wished that he could’ve done something different to avoid this outcome. 

 

But nothing could change the fact that Sam loved him so much that he surrendered himself to save Dean. He sacrificed himself to buy Dean’s life back with his own blood.

 

Dean looked at the lifeless face that only a few hours ago had sparkled with life.

 

“Sam, you saved me. You saved the world. You are a hero. You are my hero. I should have saved you too. But I failed. How am I suppose to live with that?”

 

He kept looking at Sam’s face, tried to memorize every line. He loved that face. This was a face that the world would never see again. How could the world go on, deprived from this wonderful face? How was he supposed to go on without it? 

 

He would want to keep this face intact forever. But it was impossible. He already knew that. Sam was already gone. Dean realized that. What he was supposed to do now with Sam’s body was the hardest thing he had ever done in his whole life. He was about to destroy that beautiful face forever. He would never see Sam again. His laugh, those beautiful puppy dog eyes. Never again. There was no use putting off the inevitable. 

 

Somehow, he didn’t know how, he managed to put Sam’s body atop the pyre. When he lit the match, he felt like he was deprived of oxygen. When he threw it on the pyre and it caught fire, he felt like he was dying.

 

The flames licked Sam’s face, and then he was drowning in flames. The face was gone. It would never be seen on this earth again. Sam was now gone forever. When Dean realized this he felt his legs falter and he dropped to the ground. He just cried. He wanted to die himself. 

 

Later, what was left of Sam’s body and the pyre was a pile of smoking ashes. The only person Dean had truly loved was now gone forever. Dean was all alone in the world. He had just one last job to do. Then he would finish his life.

 

The thought that he would die too, made him feel a little bit better. That thought was what carried him through the long journey to Twin Pines. He focused on that thought. His suffering would be over soon. 

 

There was just a couple of hours left. He sped through the states of Missouri and Illinois. It felt so familiar, and yet so strange. He turned his head to look at Sam as usual, but there was no Sam. Just a box containing what was left by the love of his life. In the back seat were a couple of bags with his and Sam’s belongings. The memory of checking himself out from the motel and gathering their belongings was a complete blur.

 

That evening he reached the place that had been the happiest place of his life. But everything was different know. He once again sat on that dock by the lake watching the sunset. It had only been a couple of days since they both sat here planning their future. The last few days with Black Storm, all the pain and violence had felt like an eternity.

 

Now he was here, alone on the dock. He could almost see Sam sitting beside him through the corner of his eye, but when he turned his head Sam was gone. This evening, it had almost been 24 hours since Sam died, his first day ever without Sam. It was one day too many. He was going to make sure that he didn’t live another day without Sam.

 

He opened the box and scattered Sam’s ashes into the lake. He knew that Sam would have wanted that because he knew the two weeks they had been here were also the happiest time of Sam’s life.

 

Dean wished that he had died instead of Sam. When they had survived, Erica’s kidnapping they agreed that they would leave Lawrence as soon as possible. He wished that they had left in an instant, then Sam would be alive and well, and they would be happy together. 

 

But somehow deep inside he knew that it wasn’t true. He had almost forgotten how sick he’d been. If they had left, Dean would have died. 

 

Dean’s ashes would have been scattered in this lake instead of Sam’s. That would have been for the best. This was what he had tried to accomplish with that deal as well. He wanted all the time in the world with Sam but if that was impossible, and one of them was meant to die, it was supposed to be him, not Sam. Sam was younger. He’d had all his life ahead of him. The only thing Dean had ever wanted was that Sam would live a happy and long life.

 

But now, Dean was sitting alone on the dock. Sam was dead and Dean was alive. There was nothing Dean could do to bring Sam back. He had promised not to do anything stupid. But he didn’t want to live another minute without Sam. 

 

His job was finished. Sam’s ashes were scattered in the lake. Dean was ready to die. He wanted to die right here in this beautiful place where they both had been so happy. 

 

He took his gun. He loaded it. The click from the gun echoed in the silence. He put the gun in his mouth. He tasted the cold metal. 

 

In a few seconds, his life flashed by. It had been a long and painful journey. He had always wondered how it would end. Now he knew. He started to squeeze the trigger.

 

He froze. Somehow he just couldn’t squeeze the trigger all the way. You’re a damn coward, he thought. He removed the cold metal from his mouth. He could see a few stars now when it was getting darker. He looked up. Maybe one of the stars up there was Sam watching down on him. He knew how Sam would feel. 

 

He knew that Sam wouldn’t want him to kill himself. Maybe he could live for a little while. Life couldn’t be worse than this. He didn’t have anything to lose by living just a little longer. 

 

He knew that he couldn’t stay at this place anymore. It would destroy him. But he felt so close to Sam here. He didn’t want to leave him. He looked up again at the stars. 

 

“Sammy, I guess I have to leave you now, but I will carry you with me always. I will never forget you, and as long as I live, I will make sure that the world never forgets you.”

 

He left. He was exhausted but kept driving until he couldn’t keep his eyes open. He pulled over, had a hamburger, and slept a few hours in the backseat of the Impala. Then he kept on driving. He drove all night, but felt completely numb. Early next morning, he found himself at Bobby’s door. He knocked.

 

Bobby opened the door.

 

“Dean, I’m so glad to see you. I’m so glad to see you alive. I tried to reach the two of you for hours.”

 

Bobby hugged him.

 

“Hi Bobby!” Dean tried to smile.

 

“The last thing I heard was that you were dying with fever caused by voodoo. I’m so glad you’re okay. Where is Sam?”

 

“He didn’t make it,” Dean said with an empty gaze.

 

“What do you mean?” Bobby looked worried.

 

“He didn’t make it, Bobby… He died,” Dean said.

 

“No…” 

 

Bobby hugged him again.

 

“Dean… I… don’t know what to say.”

 

“Nothing you say can bring him back.”

 

They went inside. Bobby looked at Dean. He looked exhausted.

 

“When was the last time you ate? Or slept for that matter.”

 

“I don’t know,” Dean said in a weak voice.

 

Bobby made some sandwiches. Dean was starving. They ate in silence.

 

“Try to tell me what happened,” Bobby said.

 

Dean slowly told Bobby what happened.

 

“I woke up alone at the motel. My illness had vanished, just like that. I felt fine. But Sam was not there. Somehow I felt he was in big trouble. I found an address. I followed it to him but was attacked by multiple demons when I got there. Sam saved me by using his powers. He killed all the demons, including Lilith, but he died afterwards.”

 

“So the demon war is over?”

 

“Yeah, but it cost Sam his life. Listen Bobby. I’m tired. I need sleep.”

 

“The guestroom is ready. You can stay here as long as you want.”

 

“Thanks, Bobby.”

 

Dean fell into a deep sleep almost immediately. The last few days had been complete hell. He just wanted to sleep, and sleep forever. It felt so good to escape it all. He never wanted to wake up.

 

But he did wake up. It was in the middle of the night. He’d slept 16 hours straight. Everything felt very hazy. His eyes were closed. He turned in bed trying to reach and hug Sam like he used to do. But Sam was not there.

 

He opened his eyes. Sleeping had been so good. Now everything that happened was back. His living hell was back. He just wanted to go back to sleep and find that peace once again. But there are limits how much a person can sleep. Even for Dean.

 

The next day, Bobby made him dinner and assured him that he was there for him whenever he needed to talk. But Dean didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to show any weakness. He assured Bobby that everything was fine.

 

Most of the time he spent by the TV. He rarely left the house.

 

At 8, he excused himself heading to his room.

 

“Are you going to bed already? It is only eight o’clock.”

 

“I’m tired,” Dean said.

 

He tried to escape life by sleeping. He used to sleep 14 hours a day. He was so damn tired. The only peace he felt was in his sleep. The days without Sam were like nightmares.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Dean was sitting on the dock by the lake by Twin Pines. Obviously he had dozed off. He started to wake up. It was night. He watched the black silhouettes from the ancient trees against the dark blue sky. Then he heard a voice behind him.

 

“Are you sitting here all by your self? I missed you.” 

 

Dean turned around.

 

“Sam… I don’t believe it.” Dean hugged and kissed Sam so violently that he almost knocked them over.

 

Sam laughed. “What’s the matter with you?”

 

“I’m so glad to see you. I had such a vivid nightmare. I dreamt that you were dead, and that I’d never see you again.”

 

“Well, I’m very much alive,” Sam said and kissed him.

 

“Sam, let’s forget about Lilith and the demons. Let’s start our new life together right now. I want to be with you every second. I want us to be happy together forever.”

 

“I like the sound of that. All right. Let’s do it.”

 

Dean kissed him again. “Promise you’ll never leave me,” Dean said with tears in his eyes.

 

“Okay. I promise. It is freezing out here. Let’s go to bed.”

 

They made love that night. Dean fell in a very comfortable sleep with Sam’s arms around him. He was so happy.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

The next morning Dean started to wake up with a great smile on his face. He turned around to hug Sam but he wasn’t there. He felt the panic rise. He opened his eyes and found himself in Bobby’s guestroom.

 

All of it was a dream. Sam was still dead. Dean was still alone in the whole world. He cried gently. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to dream about Sam ever again. It was too painful. He felt like he was going to break apart. He felt desperate.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Bobby was out. Dean sat alone by the kitchen table thinking about Sam and the last three years they spent together, but he couldn’t remember it clearly. Even Sam’s face started to fade and that scared the hell out of him. He couldn’t let Sam’s face slip away. He didn’t even have a picture of him.

 

Dean was scared to death that in a month or so he wouldn’t remember what Sam looked like. He panicked. He went through all of Bobby’s stuff for the slightest possibility that Bobby had a picture of Sam somewhere. But he didn’t find any. 

 

Then suddenly he remembered. Sam’s laptop! It was still in the car. He ran out to fetch it and started to go through the computer. He found pictures there. A couple of pictures of Sam, some of himself. There were also some pictures of the two of them together. He also found something else. He found a bag containing all the Supernatural books by JD Armstrong a.k.a. Joanna Mills. He had completely forgotten about them. 

 

Dean sat for hours staring at pictures of Sam. He was afraid that he would forget what Sam looked like if he ever turned off the computer. Then Dean opened the book that was named “Pilot.” He started to read. It had been almost half a year since he and Sam found out that their adventures were in public display and that they had many fans on the Internet. Still Dean had never gotten used to that thought. 

 

He spent the days reading and remembering the adventures he had with Sam. The pictures and the Supernatural novels gave him great comfort. When he was reading it felt like he was given a part of Sam back. But every time he closed the book the emptiness and pain struck him with full force.

 

Of course Bobby had noticed Dean’s obsessive behavior. He was afraid that Dean would have a breakdown. But all Dean ever said was, “I’m fine.”

 

Dean spent a lot of time reading and staring at Sam’s pictures. He did so week after week. He almost never went outside. Summer turned to fall and fall turned to winter. He didn’t even notice. But it didn’t take long for him to discover that the books and pictures weren’t enough to numb the pain. He started drinking. Bobby noticed the empty whiskey bottles.

 

But Bobby didn’t know how to bring it up. He started to keep the house all clean of alcohol, but Dean seemed to get enough strength to leave the house for short occasions for buying his own liquor.

 

One day when Bobby came home, he found Dean drinking whiskey by the kitchen table.

 

“Dean, you can’t go on like this. The whiskey is not a solution. It makes you not feel anything. It will take away both the pain and pleasure.”

 

“Actually it makes me feel much better,” Dean said.

 

“But you will feel a hell of a lot worse tomorrow when the intoxication wears off. Besides, I need you Dean. I need you sober. I have been offered a job. We could do it together. It would take your mind off things.”

 

“What kind of job?”

 

“An easy salt and burn case.”

 

“No thanks.”

 

“Listen. I’ll even get paid. For once.”

 

“How much?”

 

“100,000 dollars. We could do it together. We could split the cash 50/50.”

 

“What’s the catch?”

 

“There is none. Like I said, it’s an easy salt and burn case. I could use the money for renovating this house.”

 

Bobby could see a spark in Dean’s eyes. He’d managed to awaken Dean’s curiosity. It was a good sign.

 

“So. Exactly what is it?”

 

“The Ghostwood Castle. Not far from here.”

 

“A castle huh?” Dean smiled. “I always wanted to cleanse a haunted castle. So who’s paying you so much money for doing this?”

 

“It’s a rich German guy. His name is Bertram Müller. His ancestors owned this castle, but it’s been deserted for 50 years because it was supposed to be haunted. Bertram and his family had just emigrated from Germany and were supposed to live there, but they’ve been chased away by some really nasty ghost.” 

 

“Who’s the ghost?”

 

“Bertram’s great great great grandfather Agamemnon Müller.”

 

“All right,” Dean said. “You can count me in.”

 

“But first you’ll have to sober up,” Bobby said. He took the whiskey bottle away from Dean and poured it out in the sink.

 

“Hey!” Dean yelled.

 

“You must be clear in your head for this case. We’ll do it tomorrow night. No more drinking okay?”

 

Later that night Dean felt sober. He needed some air. He grabbed his jacket and took the Impala to the nearest pub. He remembered what he had promised Bobby, but his whole body ached for some tequila. There was also a very flirtatious waitress.

 

He ended up in her apartment fucking her senseless. Maybe good sex would take his mind off Sam. But it didn’t help. He just wanted to be able to feel something beside pain. He didn’t care about the woman at all. He just wanted to reach his orgasm and leave. The woman seemed to be in pure heaven though. 

 

Dean didn’t manage to forget Sam. Getting an orgasm wasn’t enough to forget the pain. It didn’t work. He went home, and bought a bottle of whiskey on his way home. If sex didn’t work, maybe alcohol would. He had already forgotten what he had promised Bobby.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

10 a.m. the next morning, Bobby had still not seen Dean. He knocked on the door. No answer. Bobby opened the door and saw Dean lying on the bed fully dressed and all sweaty. His right arm was hanging from the bed trying to reach the empty whiskey bottle lying on the floor. Obviously he had fallen asleep while doing it. He had most likely been drinking all night

 

Bobby sat down on Dean’s bed and muttered to himself. “My God! What am I going to do with you?”

 

It took a while waking Dean up. He was extremely hung over. 

 

“Dean, it kills me to see you like this.”

 

“I know I’m a mess. I should leave.”

 

“I don’t want you to leave.”

 

“Good, because I feel terrible. Still, I have felt worse, but I can’t remember when.”

 

“I know that you are in great pain. I know how much you loved Sam.”

 

“No, you don’t. You can’t even begin to imagine how much I loved Sam.”

 

“Yes, I can.” Bobby said. “I know about the two of you. I know that you were much more than brothers or friends.”

 

Dean looked mortified. He just wanted to sink through the earth.

 

“Bobby… I…”

 

“Don’t be embarrassed. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

 

“How… how did you know?”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Bobby said. “It took me a while to deal with it first but then I thought – who am I to judge? I have no right to judge you. I realized that what the two of you had was real. So, I do understand your pain.”

 

Dean was close to tears. Bobby hugged him. Dean cried in his arms.

 

“God! I loved him so much.”

 

“I know, Dean. I know. But there is something you need to face. You’re getting a drinking problem.”

 

“I know,” Dean said. “When I drink, I feel great, but afterwards everything feels so much worse. The hole Sam left is worse than ever, and then add in this awful hangover. I feel terrible. I know I should stop drinking.”

 

“Dean, I’m glad that you realize this, but it can be hard to stop drinking just like that.”

 

“I’ll handle it,” Dean said, determined. “No more of this shit.”

 

“Glad to hear it,” Bobby said. “Promise that you’ll turn to me if it ever gets rough. Now go back to sleep and sleep it off.”

 

“Bobby… thanks for everything.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Bobby let him sleep it off the rest of the day.

 

Evening came, and Dean felt a whole lot better. He assured Bobby that the hangover was gone and that he would be fully capable of handling the job.

 

Dean insisted that they should take Bobby’s van to Ghostwood castle instead of the Impala. Dean could still not handle anyone else sitting in the passenger seat where Sam used to sit.

 

 

*************************************************************************** 

 

 

An hour later, they arrived at the Ghostwood castle. Bertram Müller met them at the driveway.

 

“I’m Bobby Singer. This is my partner Dean.”

 

“Bertram Müller.” He was a good-looking man in the beginning of his forties with a German accent. “So, the two of you are *Ghostbusters*?”

 

“Kind of,” Bobby said.

 

“God, I always hated that term,” Dean whispered to Bobby.

 

“Tell us about this ghost.”

 

Bertram told them about his ancestor Agamemnon. It was said that he had haunted the castle for generations. He took Bobby and Dean on a tour around the castle. They stopped by an enormous portrait of Agamemnon. He was an evil looking man.

 

“He was a magician and an alchemist,” Bertram said. “The legends say that he was into really evil stuff. His ghost has transformed itself to the most horrible monsters. Some of them have walked this castle during night. My son was attacked by a giant spider. And one night my wife almost fell down into a snake pit.”

 

“You said he was a magician. Are you sure that these creatures weren’t just illusions?”

 

“Yeah. I’m sure,” Bertram said. “My son was seriously injured by the spider. The legends say that Agamemnon even managed to make gold. But no one have ever found the treasure chamber.”

 

“Why not?” Dean asked.

 

“Because it is probably down there in the dungeons.” The man was trembling with fear when he said the last word.

 

“Well, if we can only find his body and salt and burn the bones, then the matter should be settled. Where is the grave?” Bobby asked.

 

“I was afraid that you were going to ask that. There’s a crypt in the dungeons. Don’t make me go down there. Please.”

 

“No one will make you go anywhere,” Bobby said. “What is down there?” 

 

“The most horrible place on earth. It is a maze full of monsters and booby-traps. The legend says that no one have ever returned from down there alive. I will show you.”

 

They went down a deep spiral staircase that went down into a basement far beneath the castle. Bertram opened a very heavy stone door.

 

A thick green smoke was steaming from the tunnel behind the door. It was very dark, only lit by a strange pulsing green light. The black walls were damp and were glittering in the green light. They could hear a strange and very scary breathing sound. Dean got goose bumps.

 

It looked like Bertram wasn’t exaggerating. Bobby looked actually very scared. “Dean! There is suppose to be booby-traps in there. We aren’t equipped to handle that.”

 

“Remember the 100,000 dollars,” Dean said. “Your house could really use them. Besides I’m Indiana Jones. We can handle it.”

 

“All right. We’ll do it,” Bobby said.

 

“There’s just one thing I need to warn you about.”

 

“What?” Dean asked.

 

“The legendary spear trap.”

 

“What is that?” Dean asked.

 

“Oh. It is horrible!” Bertram said. “It’s a small room with three plates on the floor. When you walk into the room. There are spears coming out of the walls. The walls close in on you, and you will be pierced to death. One of the plates will stop the trap from piercing you to death, but you don’t know which one and you can only step on two of them, since you only have two feet. ”

 

“We can handle it,” Dean said.

 

“Good luck. You’re gonna need it,” Bertram said and gave them a map.

 

Dean and Bobby entered the darkness. They went through narrow corridors. The breathing sound got louder, the deeper into the maze they went. In some places there was green slime on the walls. The corridors were damp and steamy. It was almost like the place was alive and they were inside the bowels of a giant monster.

 

They went past a door. Bobby tried to read a map with the help of a flashlight.

 

“We are supposed to go through this door,” Bobby said.

 

Dean turned the doorknob. His hand was an inch from being stabbed by a knife coming out from nowhere in the door. 

 

“Jeez,” Dean said.

 

They went inside and walked through a narrow corridor. There was very dirty water on the floor. It looked like a sewer. There was no way to see what was in the water, or if it suddenly went deep. They waded through the corridor.

 

When they were through, there were a couple of steps leading up to a dryer corridor. There were tiny holes in the walls. Dean took one footstep forward and was almost hit by an arrow.

 

“Dean. There is no way we can get through. If we turn now, then maybe we can come out of this place alive,” Bobby said.

 

“I know a way.” Dean said and ran through the corridor. He could hear all the poisonous arrows and spears swishing behind him. He knew that if he was hit by only one of them, he could say “Auf Wiedersehen.” He ran the fastest he could and went through. All the traps seemed to have been triggered. He waved for Bobby that it was safe now to walk through.

 

“You really are crazy,” Bobby said and opened the next door. It was another dark tunnel. The breathing sound was heavier than ever, so was the creepy green pulsing light. Within a second they also noticed that the floor was covered with snakes.

 

“What do we do now? ” Bobby said. He really looked terrified.

 

“There is only one thing to do.” 

 

Dean got back to the last corridor and grabbed a couple of spears from the floor, from the trap he had triggered. Bobby held the flashlight while Dean moved the snakes with the spears clearing a snake free path. Dean was almost about to stumble and wasn’t far from being bitten by a large cobra. But both of them managed to get through safely to the other side.

 

Dean silently prayed that they would find another way back. He was really scared now. 

 

“And you said that this would be an easy salt and burn case,” Dean said.

 

“Don’t blame me. I wanted us to back out, but you were the one who wanted to play Indiana Jones, remember?”

 

They entered a room that was completely empty. There was no other way out than through the door they entered.

 

“It looks like we have to pass the snakes one more time,” Bobby said. He looked really scared.

 

“Damn it, I don’t believe it. This can’t be happening,” Dean said. He was about to panic thinking about wading through the snakes once again.

 

“There has to be another way out,” Dean said.

 

Then Bobby screamed. He had stepped on a trap door. He fell through the floor and disappeared through a chute. 

 

Dean yelled Bobby’s name. He could hear a very vague answer far, far below. 

 

“I’m all right.”

 

“I’m coming after you,” Dean yelled.

 

“Don’t,” Bobby yelled. “I’m trapped in some kind of prison cell. You’ll have to find another way.” 

 

Dean would much rather take the chute than wade through the snakes once again. Thinking about the snakes almost made him crap his pants. There has to be some other way out, he thought in complete desperation.

 

He searched the room very thoroughly. He found some markings on a wall. It was a button. He pushed it and a hidden door slid open in the other wall. He crawled through and landed in the water in next tunnel. There was a staircase, leading several floors down. He came to a very damp tunnel.

 

He waded through water up to his knees in the tunnel. It was very steamy. The humidity was so heavy that he felt like he was in a jungle. Then he felt something slimy against his right leg. The panic grabbed him. He ran through the tunnel, but then more water filled the tunnel very, very quickly. 

 

There was no way he would manage to the next door. He tried to swim. He prayed that there would be enough room close to the ceiling so he could find an air pocket. He swam for his life up to the ceiling. His hands hit the ceiling and then he felt a hatch. He managed to open it and crawl through.

 

He rolled around on the floor. His jeans were covered with green slime. The damp walls were covered with slime. The breathing sound was heavier and louder than ever. He was so afraid. Of every nasty place he and Sam had visited during the years, this was the absolute worst.

 

Suddenly a slimy tentacle wrapped around his neck and started to pull. Dean gasped for air. What ever it was, it was strangling him. He managed to see the monster that looked like an oversized slimy octopus. He managed to get a hold of his gun loaded with rock salt and shot the beast. 

 

It disappeared into thin air. Dean gasped for air. Obviously it was Agamemnon Müller in one of his more spectacular disguises.

 

Dean could hear Bobby screaming his name. 

 

“I’m coming,” Dean yelled.

 

“I think. Or at least, I hope,” he said to himself.

 

He entered another tunnel. No more unpleasant surprises. He turned right and saw Bobby’s cell. There was a locked grate between him and Bobby. He was about to enter a small room when he saw the spear trap.

 

“Dean! Don’t!” Bobby yelled.

 

“I have to,” Dean said. “I can’t leave you in there starving to death.”

 

“He entered the room. The spears were immediately closing in on him. He stepped on the right plate. No result. He had to choose very quickly between the plate in the middle, or the left one. The chance that he would live or die was 50/50. He chose the left one and expected any second that the razor sharp spears would pierce him to death. But the spears went back into the walls. Dean let out a deep sigh of relief. So did Bobby.

 

“I’ll blow up the grate,” Dean said and looked in his bag for explosives.

 

“No. You can’t. There isn’t enough space for me to protect myself. You will blow me up in the process. There must be some other way.”

 

Dean searched the walls. Then he found some kind of device. He turned a switch and the grate unlocked itself.

 

As soon as Bobby was out they ran out of the room and turned right. They went by a grand door. “Look at this,” Dean said. “It has to be Agamemnon’s crypt.” Dean was about to pull the door handle.

 

“Wait,” Bobby said. “Remember last time.”

 

Dean opened the door very carefully expecting another razor sharp knife shooting out of the door. And there was. Dean was prepared and didn’t even get scratched. They stepped into the large crypt.

 

Besides the breathing sound and the pulsing green light, there was also the sound of a heartbeat. The crypt was a large hall. The walls were covered with solid gold. In the middle of the crypt was a skeleton lying on a bed. It held its arms across its chest. Dean took one look at it and said, “You were a really ugly son of a bitch.”

 

They had no time to waste. They needed to get this done before the spirit of Agamemnon showed up again in an even more terrifying form. Bobby salted, and squirted lighter fluid on the skeleton. Dean lit a match and threw it. They both watched the skeleton burn. 

 

Suddenly the heartbeat stopped, as well as the breathing sound and the strange pulsing green light. The place went all dark and quiet.

 

They checked the magnificent work of gold on the stone walls when Dean found a hidden hatch. Inside was a long ladder. They climbed upward. They figured that they would probably end up in the castle.

 

On top of the ladder, there was a small wooden door in front of them. Dean slid the door aside. It turned out that it wasn’t a door. What he slid aside was the portrait of Agamemnon Müller they had looked at earlier.

 

“Jeez!” Bobby said. “If only we’d known this passage before. It would have saved us a lot of trouble.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

Later. The two of them sat in Bobby’s van. Dean still had a lot of green slime on his jeans. He was very glad that they were sitting in Bobby’s van by now and not the Impala. The upholstery would have been ruined by all that supernatural slime. Bertram had been ecstatic that his ancestor was gone and had gladly paid them both 50,000 dollars.

 

“Do you want to tell me what happened back there?” Bobby said.

 

“What?”

 

Bobby sounded angry.

 

“Your reckless behavior, running through a hail of poison arrows, not to mention deliberately stepping into the spear trap.”

 

“You wouldn’t understand.”

 

“You want to die. That’s what it was about, wasn’t it? Sam is gone. You won’t find him again by seeking death.”

 

“Are you sure, Bobby?”

 

 

***************************************************************************


	7. Chapter 7  The Hidden Portal to Heaven

Once again Dean was inside the dungeons of Ghostwood castle. He once again was about to drown and managed to crawl up through the hatch in the ceiling.

 

He yelled, “Swim, Sammy! Hurry up!”

 

Sam swam all that he could. He managed to grab the hatch. Dean took his hand and tried to pull him up. But a massive current swept him away. There was nothing Dean could do but to watch him drown.

 

“Sammyyy!!!! Noooooooo!!!!”

 

 

*************************************************************************** 

 

Dean woke up in Bobby’s guestroom in the middle of the night. It was just a nightmare. But he realized very quickly that the nightmare wasn’t very different from what had happened in real life. Either way it didn’t matter because Sam was still gone.

 

He didn’t want to get back to sleep. Since that night in the dungeons he had nightmares all the time. Sam was always with him in there. The dreams always ended up with Sam dying.

 

He wanted a drink real bad. His whole body was aching for it. But he knew what would happen if he went on that road. He was determined to fight it. But there was one thing he couldn’t fight, and that was how much he mourned Sam. The hole in his chest was about to kill him. He just knew that it was no use filling the hole with alcohol. He surrendered to the pain and cried in the pillow all night.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Later that afternoon Bobby went into Dean’s room. He found Dean sitting in a chair looking out through the window, watching the snowflakes fall to the ground.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“No, you’re not fine. We live in the same house, remember? I know that you have nightmares about Sam dying. I have heard you scream his name every night. I have heard you crying your self to sleep every night. It doesn’t work trying to muffle your crying with the pillow.”

 

“Bobby, this pain is killing me.”

 

“I know, Dean. I know. Don’t fight the pain. You will come through eventually. And I am here for you. Have you felt any need for a drink?”

 

“Yeah, all night long. But I am fighting it. I think the worst is over.”

 

“Good, because I will be away this evening on a job. I won’t be back until early in the morning. Do you think you can handle it? If you feel the thirst for alcohol, would you please give me a call.”

 

“I will,” Dean said. “But right now, I just need to be alone.”

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Just out.”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Dean went to the pub. He just needed to get out for a while. See some people. Maybe shoot some pool. But once he got there he felt the thirst for one of those tequila shots. Damn it. He shouldn’t come to places like this while he’s fighting his habit. But maybe it was the best way. He could at least shoot some pool.

 

There were two guys in his own age by the pool table. He noticed that both of them were very good looking. They had both dark hair. His gaze ended up on the ass of one of the guys. Their eyes met and they introduced themselves. The guy’s name was Matt and his friend was Joey.

 

They played pool. Dean was back in good shape and stripped the guys of their money. Afterwards Dean went to the men’s room. When he was taking a leak, Matt came inside and started to empty his bladder as well. Dean couldn’t resist peaking at Matt’s cock. He saw that Matt did the same.

 

When they were finished and Dean was about to exit the men’s room. Matt called out.

 

“Hey!”

 

Dean stopped. Matt went over to him. He stood very close. They looked each other in the eyes. “I’ve seen the way you look at me. There’s something between us isn’t there?”

 

“Um…” Dean didn’t know what to say. But his dick said everything. It started to respond. When they were shooting pool, he had used his gift; he’d seen the guys’ souls. He didn’t like what he saw, but it didn’t matter. All he wanted from them was sex anyway. Before Dean could say anything, Matt kissed him very roughly.

 

Matt whispered in Dean’s ear very seductively. “You see, Joey out there, is my boyfriend. The two of us have checked you out all night long. We’re looking for a threesome with a hot guy like you. What do you say? Going to your place and have a little party?”

 

“Um…” Dean said once again. He was damn horny. If he couldn’t drink, then he could at least get some sex. He wanted to fuck that extremely hot guy.

 

“Let’s go to your place and do it. We’ll give you the best sex you ever had. You can fuck me if you’d like, while my boyfriend is fucking you. He’d love that. What do you say?”

 

“God yes!” Dean said.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

“Nice house.” Joey said. “Yours?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Joey saw the devil’s trap on the ceiling.

 

“Interesting,” Joey said.

 

“Let me show you the bedroom,” Dean said.

 

The three of them went upstairs. Dean and Joey sat on the bed. They started to kiss. Matt started to unbutton Dean’s shirt. Dean took off his T-shirt. 

 

“Nice body!” Matt said. “You’re gorgeous.”

 

“What about the two of you?” Dean started to remove Matt’s leather jacket.

 

“I want you naked,” Dean whispered in Matt’s ear. “I want to fuck you.” 

 

“All in good time. Loose the pants. Can I give you a massage?”

 

“Hell yeah!” Dean said. He was so horny.

 

Dean lay flat on his stomach on the bed wearing nothing but his boxers. Matt started to rub his shoulders. It felt wonderful.

 

Then Dean felt something sharp against his throat. It was a knife.

 

“Don’t move, or you’ll be dead on the spot.” 

 

How could I be so stupid? Dean thought.

 

As a diversion, he tried to grab his cell phone on the nightstand. The diversion worked. He managed to kick Matt right in the face. He probably broke Matt’s nose. Joey tried to react but received a couple of punches from Dean and dropped to the floor. 

 

Matt was still conscious. Dean hit him over and over with his fist, then Joey came from behind and held an arm around Dean’s neck and pulled him off Matt. Dean pushed backwards and Joey’s back hit the wall with full force.

 

Dean was out of Joey’s grasp, jumped Matt and started to hit him again. Then Dean was hit on his head by a hard object. He felt a sharp pain and everything went black. 

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

When Dean finally came around he was lying flat on his stomach, tied to the bed. His first instinct was to get loose. He pulled the duct tape he was tied with. But it was no use. He could hear someone in the room.

 

“You son of a bitch,” Dean yelled.

 

“Be nice. Don’t make me angry. Bad things happen when I get angry,” Matt said.

 

Dean couldn’t believe this was happening. He had been a soldier fighting evil his entire life and now, two punks kidnap him.

 

“We’ve got your cell phone, your car keys and your wallet, but we need more. You are a damn fag you know. We hate fags. Picking up guys like that, like a complete slut. We are going to teach you a lesson, then we might not kill you,” Matt said.

 

Dean fought to get loose, but he just seemed to tighten his restrains. He grunted. Joey entered the room.

 

“Found anything?”

 

“Just some crazy items and books with strange mumbo jumbo, not worth stealing,” Joey said.

 

“Where’s the money? If you don’t tell us, we’ll kill you right now.”

 

“Fuck you!” Dean said.

 

He got a punch to his face. He grunted. 

 

“You’ve just signed you execution. If you don’t tell us, I’ll find the money myself. Watch him. I’ll go search.”

 

Matt gave the knife to Joey and disappeared out through the door. 

 

Joey sat by Dean and played with the knife in his hands. 

 

“Do you know how much I hate fags? Since you didn’t tell us where the money is, we’re going to have some fun with you.”

 

Joey began to cut Dean’s back with the knife. Dean grunted in pain.

 

“We can still spare your life, if you tell us where the money is.”

 

“Go to hell!” Dean said. Then he felt another cut in his back.

 

Matt came in through the door. “I found the money! Look at this! 50,000 in cash. This room is the only one we haven’t searched yet. You do it, Joey. I’ll watch him.”

 

Joey searched the room, and Matt held the knife against Dean’s throat.

 

“We’re going to make sure that you don’t snitch to the cops.” 

 

“Look! I found another 50,000. We’re rich. There’s a laptop too.”

 

Now Dean started to panic. For some strange reason, the photos of Sam in the computer were more important than his own life.

 

“Please don’t take the laptop. Do anything you want but please don’t take it,” Matt took some duct tape and taped Dean’s mouth.

 

“You are not in a position to ask for anything,” Matt said and let the knife gently cut through his skin at the side of his neck. Dean felt a small stream of blood. The cut wasn’t very deep though.

 

“So, what are we gonna do with him?” Matt asked. “He is a disgusting fag but a pretty boy. Look at this pretty ass.” 

 

Matt took off his underwear. Now Dean felt really exposed.

 

“Maybe we should rape him. He’s asking for it.”

 

God! Please don’t! Dean prayed.

 

“No, there’s no time. Let’s just kill him. We shouldn’t leave any witnesses,” Joey said and pulled out a gun from a pocket in his jacket.

 

“They’ll find his body though. It could track the cops to us. I know. We burn the house, then there won’t be a body to find,” Matt said.

 

Dean couldn’t believe that of everything he went through in his young life, his life would end like this.

 

“Well, I guess the disgusting fag deserve an agonizing death. Let’s burn the house,” Joey said.

 

“You know,” Matt said. “We can still be merciful. We can kill you first and then burn the house. You’d like that?”

 

Dean knew he was about to die. Some consolation in this mess was that he was about to see Sam again.

 

“All right. Let’s do it,” Matt said. “Give me the gun.”

 

Joey handed Matt the gun. A moment after Dean felt the cold steel against his head. He saw a flickering light. He thought that the house already was on fire. Then he saw Sam through the corner of his eyes.

 

He felt the cold steel being removed from his head.

 

He heard panic in Matt’s voice. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

Matt and Joey ran away from there as fast as they could. Dean tried to look through the corner of his eyes. He tried to see Sam. But Sam was gone. Everything was quiet. He had survived. Maybe he just imagined seeing Sam. But something had happened. Something had scared the hell out of the punks. It must have been Sam. He saved me, Dean thought.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

A few hours later, early next morning, Bobby came home. He knew immediately that something was wrong. He pulled his gun. The house was in a big mess. He didn’t care about that. All he cared about was Dean.

 

He ran up to his room and found Dean lying on the bed on his stomach, shorts pulled down and his butt exposed. He saw how Dean’s mouth, hands and legs were strapped with duct tape.

 

“My God!” Bobby said. He cut Dean loose. “You OK?” He could see the fresh cuts on Dean’s back.

 

“Yeah. I’m all right.” Dean said. “Those bastards. I’m gonna kill them,” Dean yelled in anger.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I got mugged. We got mugged. I can’t believe how I could be so stupid. How I could trust them.” Dean got dressed very quickly.

 

“They stole our money.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Bobby said. “The only thing that’s important is that you are unharmed.”

 

“Damn it! They even stole Sam’s laptop. Those pictures were all I had left from Sam. I won’t let them get away with this.” Dean was furious. Bobby had never seen him so angry before. 

 

“I’ll take care of this. Bobby, please give me your phone.”

 

Dean made a quick phone call to activate the GPS on his cell phone that was stolen. He took one of Bobby’s guns and ran out the door before Bobby could say another word. 

 

He drove away with Bobby’s van. The wheels were squeaking.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

A couple of hours later he found the Impala parked by the side of a small road.

 

At first he didn’t see any signs of Matt and Joey. Then he saw them both taking a leak against a tree.

 

Dean ran towards them in complete fury, gun in his hand. 

 

They turned around and saw him coming. Fear and panic swirled in their eyes. Joey tried to run, but Dean shot him in the leg.

 

Joey fell to the ground screaming in pain. Matt tried to run as well, but Dean yelled, “One wrong move, and you’ll be dead before you hit the ground. Against the tree! Quick!”

 

Matt faced the tree. He could feel the gun to his head. 

 

“You don’t know what you’ve done to me,” Dean said through clenched teeth. “But you are going to regret it. I can assure you that I will kill you right now.”

 

“No, please!” Matt cried. Dean put his hand inside Matt’s leather jacket. He found the gun and threw it away into the woods. 

 

Dean started to squeeze the trigger. Matt cried in desperation. But Dean couldn’t do it. 

 

He removed the gun from Matt’s head.

 

“You’re pathetic,” Dean said. “If I ever see the two of you again, I will kill you. Go! Run, before I change my mind.” Matt ran, pulled up Joey to his legs even as he yelled in pain. They both ran into the woods as fast as they could.

 

Dean was gasping for air. He went over to the Impala. Everything they had stolen seemed to be there. There was a small bag containing the hundred thousand dollars. And he was relieved when he found Sam’s laptop. The car key was still in the ignition. He started the car and drove back to Bobby’s. They could pick up Bobby’s van later.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

When Dean came back to Bobby’s, Bobby was cleaning up the mess the punks had left behind.

 

Dean was delighted that everything worked out all right, but he couldn’t feel total satisfaction because he knew how much trouble he had cost Bobby.

 

Dean gave Bobby the 100,000 dollars and the other stuff that they had stolen from him.

 

“I want you to have it all, Bobby. I have caused you nothing but trouble,” Dean said.

 

“That’s not true,” Bobby said. “You haven’t been all right. Tell me what happened.”

 

“I can’t.” Dean said. “I can’t talk about it. It’s too embarrassing. Anyway, you were right about me. I’ve been a total mess. I need to get my life back on track. You’ve already helped me do that. You helped me stop drinking, remember? Now I have to deal with Sam’s death. There are places where I need to go. I’ll leave this afternoon.”

 

“Dean, you don’t have to. You are always welcome here.”

 

“I know,” Dean said. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’m doing this for myself. There are things I need to find out. I’m ready to start living again.”

 

“Where will you go?”

 

“To Missouri Mosley for starters. You know, these punks were about to kill me, but I saw Sam. I can feel that he is close. I need to find out what is going on.”

 

“Okay.” Bobby said. “But if you are going to leave, then take this.”

 

It was the 50,000 dollars Dean had given back to Bobby.

 

“You’re gonna need them. We said we would share the money 50/50, remember?”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Take it. Remember that you’re always welcome here. And call me as often as you can so I don’t need to worry. How about some dinner before you leave?”

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

Later that afternoon, Dean was on the road again. He had been so close to death. He had reached a point where he didn’t want to die anymore. He was happy that he was alive. He still couldn’t think of Sam without getting tears in his eyes. But he needed answers.

 

He still felt that it was unfair that he was alive and Sam was dead. After all that had happened, he still didn’t know why he survived that hellhound. The answer was out there somewhere. He really needed to find out.

 

He spent the night at a motel. Next afternoon he reached Lawrence. When he drove through town, he realized that he was only a couple of blocks away from where Sam died. He didn’t know why, but he had to visit that place one more time. After this, he swore that he would never ever again visit Lawrence.

 

He parked the Impala and stepped out. He stood in the grass where Sam had died. In front of him was a burned down building. 

 

It all came back to him. He felt like he was back in that moment. Holding Sam in his arms. He could hear Sam’s voice. He could see Sam dying in his arms. He clenched his eyes. These memories were too painful for him. “I love you, Sammy,” he said quietly. 

 

“I love you too. I always will. No matter where I go.”

 

He remembered Sam’s voice so clearly.

 

Dean opened his eyes. This place looked completely different in daylight. He knew that it wasn’t good for him staying here. It brought back everything. He could feel the despair he had felt then. 

 

Sam died in this place. Back then Dean never thought that he could survive one day without Sam. But he had. Sam died a warm summer night. Now it was winter and cold. The snow was hanging in the air. Christmas was only a couple of days away. He had survived without Sam for 5 months.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

An hour later, he knocked at Missouri’s door. She opened.

 

“Dean, I’m so glad to see you.” She hugged him.

 

They sat down in her living room. She took his hands. “Dean, I’m so sorry for your loss, but you should know that he’s in a better place. He’s happy. He misses you though. He really loves you.”

 

“I love him too. I have felt him so close recently. Once Mom brought me up there to talk to me. I need your help to contact Sam. I don’t have the ability to do that on my own. Please!”

 

“I will try to help you,” Missouri said. “I can sense that there is someone up there who needs to talk to you.”

 

“Is it Sam?”

 

“I can’t tell. I guess we’ll find out. Take my hands and concentrate. Concentrate on your breathing, and breathe with me. ”

 

Dean did what she told him. They breathed deep into concentration until he felt he was in some kind of trance. He looked at Missouri. She was in a trance too. The room was filled with light.

 

He could see a shape that became clearer.

 

“Sam…” he called.

 

“No honey, it’s me.”

 

He looked at his mother’s beautiful face once again. He got tears in his eyes.

 

“I have missed you so much,” Dean said. “Where’s Sam?” Dean looked worried.

 

“He’s in heaven with me.”

 

“I need to see him.”

 

“He’s not coming. He wants to see you too, but you are not ready. Not yet,” Mary said.

 

“But I miss him so much. I don’t know what to do without him.”

 

“You will find your path. And you will see Sam again. There is a way.”

 

“How?”

 

“There are places on earth that have hidden portals to heaven. If you find one of them, Sam will be there, waiting for you.”

 

“How do I find this portal?”

 

“By following your heart. You will find one when your soul is in balance. The portals are situated in places in the woods where nature is vital. They only occur in special beautiful places. Don’t underestimate the power of nature. It can help you heal. Follow your heart. You know where to go.”

 

“Mom, last time I saw you, I tried to ask you why I’m alive. Why didn’t the hellhound kill me?”

 

“Do you remember what I used to tell you when you were a little boy?”

 

“You told me that angels were watching over me. Mom, are you an angel?”

 

“In a way. When I died and came here, I became a guardian angel to protect someone. But you were not the one I was assigned to protect. I was protecting Sam. The cosmic law says that being a guardian angel you can protect a certain person and interfere on one special occasion and one only. I used that opportunity when I saved you and Sam when you were in Lawrence three years ago, fighting a poltergeist in your old home.”

 

“I remember,” Dean said. “What happened there and why you were there wasn’t really clear to me, until now. So, you were the protector of Sam, and him only. Then it wasn’t you that saved me from the hellhound. What happened? Why did I survive? If it wasn’t you who saved me, who was it?”

 

“If it was up to me, I’d have liked to protect both of you, but you can only be a protector for one person. And I was assigned to Sam. But there was another way to protect you from the hellhound. It’s a long story… 

Before I met your father, I was a hunter.”

 

“What? I don’t believe it,” Dean said.

 

“My parents were hunters as well. It’s a very dangerous job, as you know. I met your father. He never knew that about me. I wanted to leave that lifestyle behind me. I loved John. I wanted us to have a normal life together. By that time, I was working on a case. The yellow-eyed demon were making deals all over Lawrence. I tried to stop him, but he killed John.”

 

“No!” Dean said. “That’s… impossible.”

 

“I was devastated with grief and desperate.” 

 

“I know what that’s like,” Dean said. “You know I was so desperate that I made a deal with the crossroads demon to get Sam back. I should have been stronger than that.”

 

“Don’t blame yourself. You did it out of love. So did I. I made a deal too.”

 

“Mom, no!”

 

“Sometimes we are very small as human beings. It was a stupid thing to do. Because you see, I got John back, and the yellow-eyed demon promised me a safe and happy normal life with John. The only thing he wanted in return was a moment alone with my unborn youngest son Sam, when Sam turned 6 months old. If I disturbed him, the deal was off and he would kill me.

I caught him dripping his demon blood in Sam’s mouth. I just couldn’t let him do that. But he did, and it cost me my life. It was that blood that gave Sam his powers, although I don’t think Yellow Eyes had planned for Sam’s powers being used against them. You see, what that demon did to Sam eventually destroyed them all.

It was my fault the two of you became hunters. As a hunter, I picked up one or two tricks. I swore that I was going to protect you in any way I could. I learned a few very powerful spells. But this spell I used on you could only protect you from one thing. I had to choose very carefully. 

Somehow I had a feeling that a hellhound would be the biggest threat to your life, so I gave you protection from that. A hellhound is extremely powerful. There was no certainty that my protection would be enough.”

 

“It almost killed me,” Dean said.

 

“I know. I couldn’t protect you from the attack and it almost succeeded in killing you, but my protection was enough for you to survive. Now you know.”

 

“I don’t know what to say.”

 

“What you had with Sam was a rare thing. It was true love. I know you had your doubts because of the brother thing. Sam is here with me. Like I told you before I was never your guardian angel, but you have one now. It’s Sam. Sam is watching over you, protecting you, but you know that. Don’t you?”

 

Dean nodded. “I saw him. He saved my life” 

 

“He can not intervene any more times because he has now used that one opportunity, but he will always watch over you.”

 

“What am I supposed to do now?” Dean asked.

 

“Follow your heart. Spend time in the healing powers of the woods. Sam is happy here with me,” Mary said.

 

 

*************************************************************************** 

 

 

Dean was shaking when he left Missouri’s place. This was a life altering moment. He played what he had heard over and over in his head. He knew that he had to find Sam. He had to find a portal to heaven. He knew where to go.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

A couple of hours later he knocked on Andrea Boyer’s door to her new apartment in Leavenworth. She had moved away from Lawrence within a week after Sam and Dean had rescued her. She opened the door.

 

“Dean, I’m so glad to see you.”

 

She hugged him. 

 

“I think about the two of you almost every day. You saved my life after all. Where’s Sam? I’m dying to see him.”

 

“He’s not here,” Dean said.

 

“The two of you didn’t break up, did you?”

 

Dean shook his head. 

 

“He died.”

 

“My God! Dean, no!” She hugged him again.

 

“What happened?”

 

“He died a couple of days after we saved you. You saw what he could do. He killed them all. He destroyed that cult and all the demons and Ariel as well, but it cost him his life.”

 

Andrea looked Dean in his eyes and asked, “How are you holding up?”

 

“Not well, I’m afraid. The grief almost killed me, but I feel better now.”

 

“The pain will pass eventually,” Andrea said. “It’s true that time heals all wounds. I know how numbing and devastating the grief can be. I never thought I would get over Stanley’s death. But I did. I’m even dating someone.”

 

“Who?”

 

“His name’s Scott. He’s great. Why don’t you stay here for a couple of days? I’d like you to meet Scott. You’d love him.”

 

“If I did, I don’t think you’d appreciate that.”

 

They both laughed.

 

“Anyway. I have some place where I need to be,” Dean said.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

 

It was the day before Christmas Eve when Dean walked into the Twin Pines office for renting a cabin. 

 

“I remember you,” the old man working in the reception said. 

 

“What was the name? John Shiban, right?”

 

“Right!” Dean said. Even though he paid in cash this time, that was the name he’d used on the credit card last time, he didn’t see any reason to change the name.

 

The first few days alone in the cabin were hard for him. The hardest thing was to spend the days in this place without Sam. But he knew he had to.

 

Christmas was without a doubt a very tough time for him. He doubted that he would make it. He remembered the last Christmas he and Sam shared together. They knew that it would be their last Christmas together, although they thought that Dean would be the one to die since he didn’t have much time left of his year.

 

Now a year later, he was the one who was alive and Sam was dead. That was not what it was supposed to be.

 

He spent Christmas Eve walking in the woods. There was a lot of snow. There was ice on the lake where he scattered Sam’s ashes. The landscape was very different this time of year. Only five months ago, he and Sam had been skinny-dipping in this lake. They were so happy.

 

He kept spending the days walking the woods. He kept looking for that portal with no result. He did a lot of thinking during his walks. He’d promised Sam that he would make sure that the world would never forget him. One night he opened Sam’s laptop and began to write. He started to write about their last months together, taking off where the Supernatural-series ended. ‘Malleus Maleficarum’ was the last novel ever published before the lawsuit forced Joanna Mills and her bitchy publisher Abigail Benson to withdraw the novels from the market.

 

During the days he kept walking in the woods. After a month he started to forget about finding the portal. Being out in the nature did him well, even if it was in the middle of winter. There was some energy and healing powers out there.

 

The weeks went by. He started to feel happy when he woke up in the morning. He looked forward to getting out into the woods again. Those days when there was sunshine, he felt really happy from time to time.

 

He kept writing about their last time together. Writing about Sam’s death was extremely painful to him. And he doubted that he would make it. But he came out on the other side in one peace and he felt so much better. Writing about Sam’s death had been like therapy. When he had finished he noticed that his last months together with Sam had become a complete series of books. 

 

He kept walking. In April, he didn’t think about finding the portal any more. All he cared about was the healing powers of the forest. Then spring came. Everything went green and leafy. The whole landscape was transforming.

 

The healing powers of the forest were getting so much stronger. He enjoyed every day. He had come to terms with Sam’s death. It didn’t matter where he went. He would carry Sam within him always.

 

One early morning he was walking on the other side of the lake. The green colors were amazing. The sky was blue and it was warm in the sunshine. He lay down in the soft green grass and ate a sandwich. He watched the treetops and the blue sky. Everything was amazing. 

 

He thought that nature was all he needed, and he felt so happy. Then he saw a shimmering light among a couple of pines. He walked over there and saw an amazingly beautiful light coming from a hole in the ground.

 

He stepped into the hole, and he found himself surrounded by light and music. He had visited this place before. Sam stood in front of him.

 

“Hi Dean! It is so good to see you,” Sam smiled.

 

“Sammy!” Dean yelled. “I’ve missed you so much.” Dean started to cry.

 

“I’ve missed you too,” Sam said.

 

Dean tried to hug him and kiss him, but there was no solid body to hold on to.

 

“I’ve been very worried about you,” Sam said. “After I killed Lilith and her demons, I was so badly injured. I had no other choice but to let go of my damaged body. It just troubled me that I had to leave you behind. But I’ve been near you. I’ve tried to keep you safe.”

 

“I saw you, Sammy,” Dean cried. “You saved me.”

 

“You know that I’m your protective angel. But I could only interfere one time. I did. You are on your own now, but I don’t think you will need my protection anymore. But I will always be near, watching over you.”

 

“Sam, I’ve wanted to see you for such a long time.”

 

“I wanted to see you too. But first you had to heal on your own. Seeing me back then would have done more harm than good. You had to let go of me first. You are handling your life well on your own now.”

 

“Sam, I wanted to tell you how much I loved you.”

 

“But I know that, Dean. That short time we had together, we really loved. We loved a lifetime’s worth. Sometimes things are just not meant to be.

You’ve learned a lot about yourself. You are a better person. You’ve changed. It was necessary. You’ve gone so many years never thought that you were worth anything. You always thought everybody else was worth more. And you never hesitated about dying to save people from evil. You have learned that you are capable of loving and that you are worth all the love in the world, to have the ability to love is a gift.

Remember what we shared and have the courage to love someone else.”

 

“How could I do that, when all I want is you?” Dean said.

 

“You will, when you’re ready. You still have important work to do. That’s your destiny. Because there is someone out there who needs you.”

 

“Do you mean someone that I will fall in love with?”

 

“Yes, you won’t be alone,” Sam said.

 

“I’m afraid to ask this,” Dean said. “Is it a girl or a guy?”

 

“You already know the answer to that.”

 

“It’s a guy isn’t it? Well I guess a totally normal life would never do it for me. Who is he?”

 

“He’s had a very difficult life. He lost his family too. Never thought that anyone would love him. But you will. You will love him and he will love you. What the two of you will have will be just as strong as what we had. You need each other. You will help each other heal. And you will have a long and happy life. You will meet him when you are ready to love again,” Sam said.

 

“How do I find him?”

 

“Just follow your heart. I know that you’ve heard that a lot, but it’s true. You have a unique gift that will come in very handy. You can see people’s souls. This guy has a pure soul made of white light. When you see him, you will know that it’s him.” 

 

“I have so many questions. How did I get here? How do these portals work?” Dean asked.

 

“The portals were never important. The healing power of the forest was. Only when you were in enough balance could you find a portal. You will have to go back now.”

 

Dean looked sad, “Will I ever see you again?”

 

“You will see me, when you need me. You’ll find portals when you need me. Until then you must remember that I am always here watching over you. You still carry me with you, wherever you go. I will never leave you. Bye Dean. I love you!”

 

Dean was back among the pines. This was an amazing experience. Of course he missed Sam already, but it felt okay. He knew that Sam was right. He could feel Sam watching over him.

 

He stayed in the cabin for one more week. He knew that he had to leave. Sam had said that he should follow his heart and that was exactly what he was about to do. He could go anywhere he wanted. He had still a lot of money in his pocket.

 

Two weeks later he found himself in Europe. It was a large world. There were so many places to visit. He went through France, Netherlands, Germany and Denmark.

 

Suddenly he found himself sitting on a train in Sweden. He had no goal. He just followed his heart, and it told him to exit the train at the next station. A day later he was walking by a beautiful archipelago. He saw a man in about his age sitting on a cliff by the water. Their eyes met. They started talking about life.

 

The guy had a nice appearance, but Dean saw right through to his soul. In that moment Dean knew that he was in love and he knew exactly who this guy was. 

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

ONE YEAR LATER

 

 

“This is Dean Winchester speaking. I’m still in Sweden. Who would have thought that? It’s summer. I am standing on the top of a very green hill, looking out towards the ocean in the distance. It’s warm in the sunshine. The sky is blue. The ocean is even bluer. I can see small islands in the distance. The Impala is parked behind me. That was the only thing I brought from America. I’m not alone. I am standing next to the man that I love. Down over there in the forest between this hill and the ocean we have a small house. I actually have a place I call home. Who would have thought that? Every morning when I wake up, I have to pinch myself because I think this is a dream. But it turns out that it isn’t. I don’t hunt anymore. It’s too dangerous, and there’s someone who needs me alive and well. Someone I love very much. He has helped me heal. He’d had such a lonely life himself until we met. I love him so much that I want to spend every second with him. Still Sam will always be with me. I can feel his presence. I can feel him watching over me, smiling. My new life seems to be dull compared to my past, but I love every moment of this boring life. In the end, I think I died and went to heaven.”

 

 

THE END


End file.
